Does anyone NOT like the idea of going on holiday with friends/relatives?!

[Mandy03]

My BIL and SIL (dh's brother & his wife) and their 4 kids (aged 14, 12, 5 & 3) are going to an island resort next March for a holiday, and they've suggested that we go with them (DH, me & our ds - 4 yrs old).

Problem is, I would love to go to this resort for a holiday but I really don't want to go with them! I would much rather that the 3 of us just go by ourselves another time, as I feel that an overseas holiday is one of the few times that we get to go away and spend time together as a family... dh has a very busy job and we find it hard to spend time together as it is. I get on well with both SIL & BIL, but dh has fallen out with his brother a couple of times in the past and I would be horrified if it happened while we were on holiday - not only that, but I hate the thought of having to coordinate all our activities with them and I can just imagine my nieces knocking at our door at 6.00 every morning wanting to play with ds & wanting to spend the night in our room, etc etc. They are both very early risers, and ds doesn't usually get up until a couple of hours later.

This might all sound really negative on my part, but I don't see why we can't go just away for a weekend with BIL & SIL and their kids to somewhere local, rather than spend a lot of money on an overseas holiday and risk it being a complete failure. Would anyone else feel the same way?? I know dh would probably agree to going away with them, but I really don't think he's even thought about it... he's not forcing me to do it and he said that we can still go somewhere on our own if that's what I prefer to do. I guess my overall feeling is that we wouldn't get any time to ourselves at all, which (for me) kind of defeats the purpose of going on holiday. :(

Rant....We spend a large part of our summer hols with dh parents which are lovely. My sil was there this year with her ds aged 12 & 4. She did absolutely nothing for them for the 3 weeks we were there. I did everything - she read in the sun. My youngest then was just over a year so I was busy just with this plus the other two - but she thought nothing of it. Never even offered to help - even to look after her own . Whilst I had a great time with rest of family - parents in law are great - I felt absolute resentment for her. She hurt her foot & could have stayed to recover as she had a drs certificate but she eventually decided to go home and took her oldest but left her 4yr old. She never discussed this with me despite all the childcare I had had dumped on me. So off she went - & I had a tough week of youngest (who is lovely but missed his big brother, who usually cares for him, not his mum!) So family holidays are great if you like the family but difficult if there's someone you don't. I'm happy to visit dh parents next year but not when sil is there. She dumps her ds's there for the whole summer whilst she works & enjoys going out in the evening whilst at her home. I have lovely memories of our hols but when I think of how I cleaned, washed, fed, bathed, cleared up, entertained, shopped...etc for her kids - I say never again We were going to spend xmas at her house but I said NO & luckily dh has work reasons.

I remember Dh and I went to Paris for 4 days with FIl and his wife when I was pregnant with dd1. I was really looking forward to going having never been to Paris before and it was going to be lovely having our last little holiday together before the baby arrived etc.

Well, it wasn't too awful but I'd never do it again. FIl and his wife are seasoned travellers they have about 5 holidays a year, often just little weekends away but they're abroad more often than they're here. Anyway We're in Paris staying next to the Louvre and we all went in and I'm wandering or should that be waddling around and the wife is saying oh I'm just going to sit here and read my book!?! and FIl says oh I'll just sit here with her!?! We still laugh to this day about how I frogmarched them both to see the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. They'd been to Paris loads of times and been to the Louvre but had never bothered to go and see either of these two exhibits they just wanted to sit quietly and read their books??? Who the hell wants to go to a museum and read a book?

Realised that their idea of a holiday is not mine and although they are nice people I'm not sure I'd go on holiday with them again. Dh and I had a good time though we just left them sitting in cafes with their books while we did all the sights, fab. I've probably seen more of Paris in 4 days than they've ever seen in the all the years they've been going.

I don't have any friends or family with kids the same age as my dd's so the chance of a holiday together happening is pretty slim but I'd probably avoid it like the plague if it was offered.

Crdigan,your SIL sounds like a cheeky cow. Can't believe that she left her 4 year old with you. Iwould have gone nuts!!

I'm a bit suspicious of people who want to spend long holidays with other families. Suggests that something is amiss in their own relationship to me.

My personal horror story involves only one person and that was bad enough! Good friend visited us in Russia,decided that she wasn't going to try vodka (in Russia!!) is a vegetarian (when it suits her..) but decided that she didn't like salads or vegetables (!?)complained constantly about Russian service,and sulked and locked herself in her room accusing me of 'babying' her when I tried to warn her about crossing the road (driving is terrifying)
Final straw was going to St Petersburg where she decided that she didn't want to see the sights but was going to sunbathe in the local park instead!! She stole a towel from the hotel to lie on, and God, how I cheered silently when a ferocious baboushka from the hotel followed her and demanded it back, before ripping it from her!

She now wants to come and visit us in very very conservative Eastern Turkey. I can picture it now-she will get off the plane in a timy skirt, decolletage pouring out of a tight t shirt and spend the whole time complaining about men perving....

No way is she getting anywhere near here. Friendship already ruined to be honest.

Goodness Moondog - sounds a tricky situation. Why some people wont respect the local customs I don't understand. Good job she wont be paying you a visit. You're spot on about sil!! - another sil on hols story (I have loads!!). I here splashing sounds from the bathroom so I rush there carrying baby with my other little ones in tow to see whats up. Would you believe it sil ds aged 4 is having a bath . I call for dh as he wont get out & I don't want to leave him alone in a bath filled with water. Dh goes to find sil - who is reading outside far away on terrace. She says it's ok as he has a bath by himself at home . Dh agrees this is not good so I stand just behind the door to peep through it to make sure her little ds is ok. Sil is the apple of her parents eye and can do no wrong with them. She expects her mother (my mil) to look after her ds's all the summer even though she has major medical probs & can't manage this. Sil hardly spoke to me the entire hols - even read at the table when we were the only two having lunch together. Could rant for hours - but will spare you all Luckily the rest of my inlaws are lovely.

Go away on holiday with family members? No way! Our holidays are time for us to be together, our own small family unit.

However - we do go on holiday sometimes (e.g. skiing) with old friends, and we really enjoy it. But these really are very old friends, and everyone knows the boundaries. Plus, we usually do our own thing during the day, and get together in the evening. The most important thing is that if one family want to go and do something on their own, no one takes it as any sort of personal insult or anything like that (unlike my experience with family outings/getherings... sigh). I wouldn't want to go away with friends that I wasn't so relaxed with, though...

Cardigan, it gets worse!
This woman sounds unbelievable!
What is she doing all summer? How long are the kids away for? Go on, tell some more so I can roll my eyes and ooh and aah in delicious outraged shock!

Moondog I could just go on & on about her awful behaviour! Long Rant..... Her ds stay from the first weekend of school hols until the last weekend of the summer break with her parents - their dad comes to stay for part of the time - but not when sil is there. She takes them to her parents place & goes the next day, comes back for a 3 week hol co-ordinating with taking them or leaving them some more. When she came to collect her 4 yr old she arrived on saturday night after he was in bed and left with him the next morning early. He was back at his child-minder the next morning. My fil had to meet her at the train station after 11 pm in a dodgy city & then drive an hour to get home.

When I think of her I just get so !! The whole three weeks she was there she never took them anywhere. We didn't have space in our hire car. She had full use of her fathers car but couldn't be bothered. I suggested the zoo, the beach, the super playpark - but no. Her kids asked her loads but she just said we'll see & walked away to get on with relaxing.

She got up around 10'ish. Her 12 yr old or me fixing breakfast for her 4yr old. On the days when he was up before 7am he just watched tv - didn't bother waking his mum as she does nothing - waited for me or dh to get up with our early risers. She had a lovely breakfast of fresh bread etc that we or fil had got from bakery. Changed into her bikini & sat in the sun, swam or read. Her 4 yrs olds lunch again us or her 12 yr old would make it & I would clear up. Either fil or us would shop for fresh veg, fruit on a daily basis - she did no shopping (once went to a furniture shop with fil!). After her tiring day she would change & come & have dinner that fil & dh had prepared - generally a bbq. I would read the story to her little ds as he slept in the same room as our dds (twice she did read a story but her kids weren't used to this . She did nothing for their bed-time apart from shout 'have you cleaned your teeth'. Then after watching tv or reading it was time for an early night. Just about able to collect her clean clothes washed & ready done by you know who. Dh said to leave her stuff - but I put on 2 loads a day as we had V few clothes with us. So felt silly just to leave her pile.

When we arrived I went into her bathroom that was off dd room - in it there were wash bags on the floor with medicines etc in - I put them out of reach. One night my mil was playing badminton with 4yr at 10pm - she really shouldn't be doing this. My dh tried to get 4yr old to do something else - like go to bed! - but he was having fun. My sil just sat reading - she did nothing. It was hard for me to contain my resentment (if that's the right word) at moments like this.

When I got back from hols my clothes didn't fit - I lost half a stone!! just from not resting. Fortunately have put it back on.

I did have a good laugh one day though - gave me a break from being cinderella. She went into the village with dh to get some swimming pool floaters - she did buy one for dds. Dh dropped her off but couldn't park so she had to walk back along the dusty track road in blasting heat for about 20 mins. When I saw her & her complain to my dh - I just had to stop myself from laughing out loud. In fact that compensated for her behaviour. Even now I'm laughing just thinking of it

Moondog - hope your hols aren't like this

Cardigan you are far too obliging for your own good. Washing her clothes? Caring for her kids?
You need to put your foot down.

My sister had a very good friend like this. Completely took the piss out of my sister's kindness. Long complicated story but eventually stayed 8 weeks in my sister's tiny one b/roomed flat,which was initially meant to be a weekend's stay. My sister came home one day to find that she had also moved in her three year old daughter (who was supposed to be with the father-they had separated ages beforehand)

She eventually had strong words..the friendship was over by then obviously. Sister was amazed at how the girl shrugged it off. Decided that some people are what she calls 'bumper cars'-so thick skinned and selfish and shameless that they just go around looking for people to suck dry. When that person's patience is worn thin, they move on, not particularly bothered by what they have done and 'bump' around until they find another.

I bet your sil is like this with everyone.

Can't bloody believe it!! Shall certainly think twice about the quirks of my in laws-by and large very very nice people!!

Good words moondog - you're right on this. I did think about just doing nothing but then mil would have done everything & she's just not able. I couldn't have watched my mil do this to herself - I knew sil wouldn't think about this - or even see this from the pool!! Dh said to just leave her kids to it & I tried but her kids we so happy to play with dds that it was me who had to be with them as sil wasn't bothered. pil property has lots of hazards for kids - especially little ones.
Thanks for talking to me on this one - I have worked through how I feel about her & that's positive - as I know that I'll never put myself in that position again. Everyday on hols had some sil behaviour surprise - couldn't believe her parenting style!! Happy your in-laws are nice All the rest of dh family is lovely - I couldn't have married into a nicer family.

Shame about the bad apple in the pile then eh?
Next time you meet her, just remind yourself to be tough and mutter 'Don't f with Cardigan lady!!' under your breath!

lol moondog - might even give her a cardigan for xmas

pmsl!!

me too - rofl I'll get her one in autumn colours a size smaller - she'll fit it after her summer holiday (goodness cardigan - such a mean & bitchy comment!!!)

lol at moondog and cardigan. Your sil sounds utterly dreadful, cardigan.

Please please please think a million and three times before going on holiday with in-laws, everyone. It really is incredibly unlikely to work, no matter how lovely they are, IMbitterE. And, while we're on this topic, don't let them come to stay with you either, unless they give you a firm leaving date and you have a spare bed or, better, a spare room or, immeasurably better, a granny flat, IMincrediblybittercostheyonlylefttodayE.

My mother's two favourite expressions:

'Guests are like fish. They go off after three days.'

'Nice to see you come. Nice to see you go'

Hang on..should read 'they stink after three days'
Looks v ambiguous otherwise!

Your mother is sosososo right moondog.

Agree - we have an airbed for guests - ensures they don't get too comfy!! Kids love to bounce on it like a bouncy castle.

Yes, they NEVER stay with us, despite entreaties to do so, and if they visit us abroad (me in Turkey, sister in France), will always stay in a hotel.
I reckon you can only really 'do' guests for more than a night or so if you have a huge house (ie separate wing for guests) and staff!!