Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

Domestic abuse and telling family

12 replies

thierri · 07/07/2023 19:40

My husband has always been a hot head but generally this hasn't been aimed at me and he works at removing himself from situations. However, increasingly he has become verbally abusive when we disagree, stonewalls me, shouts and swears at me to get out of his sight. My feelings are never validated to the point I walk on eggshells. Last weekend he snapped at me and because I called him out on it, things spiralled and he stormed out of the house after shouting and swearing and knocking things over in front of small kids. I locked him out but when he returned I didn't want a scene so let him back in. He barged in to me on the stairs knocking me over so I ran after him telling him to leave. I was pushed another twice to the ground. He thinks this is justified as I was in his way and he needed to go to the bathroom desperately. Today I left him. I had to speak to PIL to change child care arrangements and i told them I was leaving him and what happened. Was this wrong? I feel I've created a drama involving others and started a witch hunt as PIL are furious at him. I know he is in the wrong but should I have just let him explain to PIL himself?

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 07/07/2023 19:45

As soon as you have the courage to openly tell people, whoever it is, it is liberating. There is such shame involved, there 100% should not be.

It is not only domestic abuse, but child abuse. At this point, you have no choice.

Well done x

thierri · 07/07/2023 20:01

Thank you. I guess I still can't believe I'm in this situation and no idea how to navigate it. I really appreciate you replying x

OP posts:
finewelshcheese · 07/07/2023 20:26

You've done the right thing, his parents need to know what their darling son is like and I hope they'll give you some support.

humus · 07/07/2023 20:31

it Great his parents are being supportive of you, the sooner you tell people the less chance you have of accepting it and going back.

KindersFeepers · 07/07/2023 21:28

I don't have any advice. But I want to say you don't deserve this. You deserve to be safe and happy, and I'm proud of you for standing up for your kids.

FiloPasty · 07/07/2023 21:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

thierri · 08/07/2023 17:13

Thank you all for being so kind. It's a weird mix of emotions, I feel I have betrayed him and caused drama. Probably not helped by the fact that I have been receiving messages from him stating I'm a dangerous person with my inaccurate account of events and how I caused the whole thing myself. It's so hard not to question my own judgment right now

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 08/07/2023 18:02

Classic symptom.
Believe me. Your Dcs would start to doubt themselves too. It will only get worse if you do not stay strong now.😘

adriftabroad · 08/07/2023 18:04

F.O.G

Fear
Obligation
Guilt

That is what you are experiencing. Along with a good bit of gaslighting.

Fairislefandango · 08/07/2023 18:58

Probably not helped by the fact that I have been receiving messages from him stating I'm a dangerous person with my inaccurate account of events and how I caused the whole thing myself.

Clasic DARVO. He is trying to deflect any guilt from himself by manipulating you into thinking you're the 'dangerous' one. Don't let him! Imagine your close friend or female relative or adult daughter's partner had committed the same violence against her and she told you about it. Would you think she was a dangerous person? Or that she had betrayed her partner or caused drama? He is a violent abuser. Leaving an abuser and calling him out on his abuse is NOT drama or betrayal. It is self-defense abnd survival.

adriftabroad · 08/07/2023 19:15

👏👏

thierri · 08/07/2023 21:49

Thank you both, I had never heard of FOG or DARVO till this week and it all makes sense. Fairisle that is a great way to look at it. I was actually saying yesterday imagine someone done what he done to me to his sister. He would be furious. Sad that the same respect doesn't apply to me anymore

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page