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Original poster

Am I wrong for not wanting husband as joint tenant?

65 replies

MsSheppy · 04/07/2023 15:14

I don't know if I am being unreasonable here.
Everyone knows how notoriously hard it is to get a tenancy with the council. I fought really hard for years and lived in hostels and B&Bs . I eventually got something. Anyway that was 21 years ago.

Since then, I met and married a man. *(I have 3 children by an ex partner) we've been married almost 5 years.

Anyway a serious incident happened which resulted in us being moved to another property for safety reasons. What we was offered after over a year in emergency accommodation was amazing. We used to live in a flat. Now we have a big house with a garden. I am pointing this out because suddenly now we live in this house he is behaving totally different and practically demanding to be joint tenants. I have refused this because a tenancy can only be passed down once. My children have no chance of realistically getting their own home the way things are with shortages of properties and the cost to buy. He also had a property previously that he got evicted from. So in my eyes a bit of a liability.

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 04/07/2023 15:17

I think in these tenancy circumstances you would be absolutely right to stay on tenancy alone. If he can't understand the need to protect your kids, he's not the man you thought he was.

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 15:18

I understand your reservations but this also means he never gets any security. It depends on how trustworthy he is

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2023 15:21

Why did he get evicted previously?

OwlBasket · 04/07/2023 15:34

Absolutely don’t add him to the tenancy. No no no.

SparklingMarkling · 04/07/2023 15:36

I wouldn’t put him on it personally but be prepared to lose him as he does need his security too.

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 04/07/2023 15:38

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 15:18

I understand your reservations but this also means he never gets any security. It depends on how trustworthy he is

Of course he has security, he has a house to live in as long as the marriage is stable! And even if they were still in the old property , if they broke up a council will rehouse a single man ina rented room or bed sit etc but they won't leave him in a big property when there is kids that need housing. The kids SHOULD be protected and stay in the house. .

SparklingMarkling · 04/07/2023 15:40

@AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick

Untrue. I have a sibling who’s name was on the tenancy (but not her husbands) . They divorced and he had to go and private rent. The council didn’t just rehome him.

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 16:12

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 04/07/2023 15:38

Of course he has security, he has a house to live in as long as the marriage is stable! And even if they were still in the old property , if they broke up a council will rehouse a single man ina rented room or bed sit etc but they won't leave him in a big property when there is kids that need housing. The kids SHOULD be protected and stay in the house. .

Show quote history

The council won't just rehouse him actually. I am not saying he should stay in a big house by himself either. Of course the children should stay there. But he is not in the wrong for wanting some security himself. What if the op behaved badly- had an affair for example and decided to get rid of him. Then he is potentially homeless. Would you want that for yourself? I certainly wouldn't

00100001 · 04/07/2023 16:14

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 16:12

The council won't just rehouse him actually. I am not saying he should stay in a big house by himself either. Of course the children should stay there. But he is not in the wrong for wanting some security himself. What if the op behaved badly- had an affair for example and decided to get rid of him. Then he is potentially homeless. Would you want that for yourself? I certainly wouldn't

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White. If this was man refusing to put the woman on the tenancy people would be objecting I think.

Bananaandpecan · 04/07/2023 16:17

When I moved into my house my housing manager said to me that one bit of off the record advice he would give me is to never put a partner on my tenancy.

He said he had seen it time and time again where things went sour and a battle ensued over who gets to stay.
By all means have him living with you but not on a joint tenancy.

His attitude towards it would be alarming to me anyway.

Stratocumulus · 04/07/2023 16:21

Given your early life struggles and tenacity …
Stick to your guns.
Stay loyal to your children & their needs in the future.
He’ll get over it. If not, he’s not the husband you thought he was.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/07/2023 16:25

White. If this was man refusing to put the woman on the tenancy people would be objecting I think.

It's not about the adults, it's about the kids. If a single dad wanted to keep his tenancy and his OH wanted on, I'd tell him not to.

Saschka · 04/07/2023 16:25

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 16:12

The council won't just rehouse him actually. I am not saying he should stay in a big house by himself either. Of course the children should stay there. But he is not in the wrong for wanting some security himself. What if the op behaved badly- had an affair for example and decided to get rid of him. Then he is potentially homeless. Would you want that for yourself? I certainly wouldn't

Show quote history

If they split up, the options are him be homeless or OP and her children be homeless. And it will be seen as making herself intentionally homeless, as she will be walking away from a tenancy.

OP you would be mad to add him.

caringcarer · 04/07/2023 16:27

Stratocumulus · 04/07/2023 16:21

Given your early life struggles and tenacity …
Stick to your guns.
Stay loyal to your children & their needs in the future.
He’ll get over it. If not, he’s not the husband you thought he was.

Ditto. You have to put your kids first.

AnythingMuppetTM · 04/07/2023 16:28

Will your Council actually put him on the tenancy? Mine won’t. So it may be a moot point.

But no, I wouldn’t add him.

Twiglets1 · 04/07/2023 16:32

I would put my children first in this situation.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/07/2023 16:32

It would beyond stupid to add him to your tenancy.
This is for your children, if he can not respect that then I would be reconsidering the marriage.

Sweetsweetlike1 · 04/07/2023 16:34

This thing is...If husbands name is on the tenancy who does it protect if they break up!? It just creates a big mess and battle about who should stay in the house. OP battled for years and lived in dire circumstances before being housed, and now she has somewhere that offers her DC security. They are not the children of the husband so if things ever got nasty in future, he may not prioritise the DC housing needs over his own. It's OP responsibility to ensure 'her' DC are secure, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to risk the housing battle again that she has previously endured. The husband of course deserves to be secure, but that's not OP fault that he hasn't tried to stabilise himself previously. Also having been evicted before, I can understand her fear that if his carelessness repeats it will put the home of not just himself but also that of her and the DC at risk.

Original poster
MsSheppy · 04/07/2023 19:17

Rent arrears.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsSheppy · 04/07/2023 19:23

Not paying his rent

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 04/07/2023 19:31

MsSheppy · 04/07/2023 19:23

Not paying his rent

Doesn't inspire confidence does it? Protect yourself and your children, you fought hard to get the security you now have.

afromom · 04/07/2023 20:05

When I was in a HA property they wouldn't allow me to add my husband to the property. They said it was their preference that women as a main carer with children had the security in the case of a break up. If I insisted they would have but they very strongly suggested he shouldn't and told me I had to go away and consider it then get back to them if I wanted them to change it.

Original poster
MsSheppy · 05/07/2023 10:47

My housing officer told me there's things that could be put in place to help him if anything happened. He is on the tenancy just not as a tenant.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsSheppy · 05/07/2023 10:51

Yes they can. But if I do, if anything happens to myself or him. Either he or myself would succeed the tenancy. That leaves the children having to find their own housing when the time comes. They will not be eligible to succeed the tenancy also

OP posts:
WhimHoff · 05/07/2023 10:54

If you don’t want him on the tenancy what was the benefit in marrying him? Is it a sign of a deeper problem in the relationship?