Need to Rant! Warning: serious over-use of bold text.

[merrymarthamoo]

So it's ds2's 3rd birthday party this afternoon. I know you all know how many things I have to do and how over-excited my children are.

Dh declares that this is the day he will do his Christmas shopping. What Christmas shopping is this, I hear you ask. Well...it's the one, the only one, the one, single present he has to buy. Mine, in other words. I have bought the other 63 - for kids, family, friends etc. (his family too - OBVIOUSLY!)

I said "well, can you take the kids?" He was not best pleased about this but did take them.

He was back in less than an hour!

Apparently......

they were moaning, whingeing, and it was really had to get round the shops with the buggy, plus he couldn't easily get upstairs in some shops.

WELL WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!!

(sorry, I did warn you about the bold text)

So he's dumped them and gone back out again. They are trying to kill each other with a toy mop, a broom, and an ELC plastic knife (fairly innocuous toys you would think but - in the wrong hands - they become Weapons of Mass Destruction. Never mind Iraq, should have sent those weapons inspectors to my house)

I have threatened to cancel the party (twice), threatened ds1 with having to stay in his room for the duration of the party (once), sent ds1 to his room (once) and put ds2 in his room for time out (once).

And I think I am p*ssed on Bach's Rescue Remedy.

And you know what - if last year is anything to go by (rechargeable batteries and a compact flash card for my camera, oh, and a copy of "How Clean is Your House?" I kid you not....) my present will be pants anyway.

Thankyou for listening. I feel slightly better now.

oh moo, GRRRR and BAH on your behalf

(very funny post though)

happy birthday to ds2 btw!

Your not-so-d-h deserves a big kick up the arse if you ask me! Completely understandable use of bold in your case I think!

Even if your pressie is a seriously smart one eg. a to die for handbag or Cartier jewellery, I'd be MAD too. Why don't you take a bit of time out during the party itself . I mean just disappear upstairs for 5 or 10 mins, maybe as parents are arriving for pickup time and LET HIM PANIC!! You can always pretend you had a (stress induced) nosebleed or some other little emergency. I am very naughty for suggesting this but by God I've been tempted to do similar on dh more than once.

They have just no idea Good on you though.

I need you to be witnesses in my defence at my upcoming murder trial.

He has come back, eaten lunch (made by me) and asked "can I do anything to help?" I said "yes, you can vacuum." (I know it's pointless to vacuum before a children's party but it needs doing). Ok he says, sits down on the settee and goes to sleep.

So I have to kill him. Obviously. It would be justifiable homicide, wouldn't it? Though pre-medidation might go against me. Where's wigandrobe, need some legal advice...

Moo, for god's sake woman don't let him sleep - go and boot his arse up and down the living room. That's what I would do.

there is only one thing to do mm...

show him this thread

mm's dh: get a grip, your wife is wonderful, funny, witty and i bet she's gorgeous too...stop being a sloth, understand that weekends are the time when you should be doing the lion's share (not the dormouse's). hoover. now. then tell mm to go have a bath whilst you get the kids in line. oh, and make her dinner tonight, she will be exhausted after the party, altho not as exhausted as you as you'll be making sure you are overseeing the children whilst she gets a chance to catch up with their parents? comprende???

she is gorgeous actually

and it's not as if he works on a bloody building site or anything, all he's doing is lugging about a few arsing petri dishes and a pipette or two!

pmsl...check your mail btw

You live quite near FairyFly, don't you? Well, I'm already organising a minibus of Angry Mumsnetters to come and bash her ex. Tell DH we're very, very happy to do a detour.

pmsl

DH took dd for the day for the first time recently, and he said, "It was bloody hard work, she was very demanding."

THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S TWO!!!!!!!!

I love you all! In fact, when I get out of prison I'm thinking of starting up a MN commune for women who are disillusioned with their dh/dp's. I think we'll need a fairly large island - Jersey is nice, I'm told.

I've done the vacuuming myself - he snored throughout. Just put ds2 down for a nap, so I can actually get on a bit better now. Party is at 3.30. Gonna open the wine soon - just to let it breathe, you understand. And I'd better have a small snifter, just to make sure it's not corked or anything....

MI - thanks for the offer. Do you think your MN squad could help me dig up my patio? I have something I need to bury under it.

ffs I hope you hoovered very loudly and somewhat violently around him then to make a point

I may have done a little more crashing and banging than was strictly neccessary.

I would have hoovered his head

We're primed and ready. Now go and have a DRNK

He's even made me lose my ability to spell!!!!! Necessary. FFS!

It is one c isn't it? Oh Gawd, brain gone, mega stress, husband hate overload.

Hide the presents you've bought for his family and tell him you haven't got any and what is he going to do about it?