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Original poster

Do you ever want to SCREAM at the lack of ability to be spontaneous that comes with children?

24 replies

WideWebWitch · 17/02/2008 11:40

I cried about this yesterday and I cried about it this morning. I know I'm being pathetic but I really want to go to the exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery (listen to me, pathetic whinger) and yesterday ex dh and ex mil were here so I said "could you look after the children for a few hours so dh and I can go" and ex dh said No. Partly because he can't do anything not planned in advance (he had no plans and he often spends hours and hours here so it wasn't that). Then today we've tried to leave the house to go(ds is with dh now) and dd threw such an almighty strop about not wanting to go to the loo before we left. And I couldn't not let her so we're an HOUR or more after we intended to leave and still haven't done.

So now we're not going and I am pissed off that we can never do spontaneous. I know IABU since we don't have nappies or buggies any more so life is easier than with smaller children but I have feel inordinately upset about tihs today. I don't really want any advice, I know this is life with children but thanks for listening.

The bastard thing is that ex dh doesn't WANT spontaneity in his life and yet can have it WHENEVER he wants. And I've had 10 yrs of being a parent and would just like to go out on the spur of the moment sometimes.

thanks for listening

OP posts:

constancereader · 17/02/2008 11:45

I am so with you on this one. It is the single thing that annoys me most about being a parent. And I've only been doing it for thirteen months

Hope your day improves!

Tortington · 17/02/2008 11:48

awww www.

DoodleToYou · 17/02/2008 11:49

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 17/02/2008 11:50

I feel, poignantly, your pain. Oh very much so.

colditz · 17/02/2008 11:53

I am with you on this. Sometimes I could just sob at the level of planning required to merely go and fetch some milk.

Sometimes we just go without milk, because I can't FACE getting them ready, going to the loo, finding that in that time they have stripped to their pants, pulled all the sofa cushions off and given each other a 'haircut'. It's at that point that I decide we are vegan and will be having water instead.

IdrisTheDragon · 17/02/2008 11:55

Oh www I feel for you. I was inordinately cross this morning that it looked like my lie-in was nearly ruined as DS (4.2) wanted me to come down instead of DH (I came down and managed to sneak back upstairs).

Then DH was planning to go out with both children, then DS changed his mind and I was really grunpy that I couldn't have time on my own (he then changed it back again so I am on my own now, but still feeling a bit guilty anyway ).

I sometimes so hate it that everything needs ot be planned - this afternoon my sister and her df are coming over to babysit and DH and I are going to go and look at new bed mattresses (as it would be more effort than it is worth to have DS and DD there as well).

I remember spontaneity. Still. Just. But it's not going to be there for years. Fell envious of my parents who can do what they want when they want mainly (and are retiring next year so can do even more).

Sigh. Am still in my pyjamas and need to tidy and stuff anyway and have been sitting here for an hour.

Anyway, totally understand where you are coming from.

MrsMattie · 17/02/2008 11:56

I feel like coffee and papers in a nice cafe on my own this morning. So it is not so much the spontanaeity, but the freedom that I miss. Hey ho.....

DoodleToYou · 17/02/2008 11:57

Message withdrawn

mumofdjandp · 17/02/2008 12:02

yes I understand dh has ds1 at church today and we need tons from town so I thought ds2 and I will go but ds2 is sooooooooooooo grumpy we got all ready, we got to the back door and I thought hang on this isnt going to change ds2 qill just be grumpy all the way round the shops for an hour...

so i sighed and stayed home and guess what he is GRUMPY arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

please someone come and deal with this grumpy boy!!!!!

mumofdjandp · 17/02/2008 12:02

cos I have tried everything, even chocolate! now he is off for a nap (fingers crossed anyway)

unknownrebelbang · 17/02/2008 12:08

Oh God, I feel your pain.

I'm peeved cos we should have been going out for a late lunch today but DS2 is not well, so that's buggered that plan, and I can't work out the next time we can do it.

Aarrrggghhh.

MrsGeneHunt · 17/02/2008 12:12

we were meant to be going out early
but dh has fallen off the wagon and consequently still asleep.
am mighty pissed of

MrsGeneHunt · 17/02/2008 12:18

but of course that is a different story, but we have to be back to take DD somewhere .. time is of the essence

CrushWithEyeliner · 17/02/2008 12:20

I know I know - 14m on and we can't even do planned 4weeks in advance let alone spontaneous..

hunkermunker · 17/02/2008 12:20

WWW Sorry, mate. Mucho empathy from me too.

Is ex DH OK to have the children? Can you plan more for him to have them and then you'll have the freedom to do the things you want, even if it's not particularly spontaneous?

hercules1 · 17/02/2008 12:25

Yes, it's one of the hardest things. I have been working long hours at work and I unfairly resent coming home to a 4 year old who want my attention and time. I just want to have time for me to either do something interesting or chill. I am counting down the days until she is like my 12 year old who doesnt need such attention and time.

WHen my sister adopted a 2 year old after a few weeks she made a dentist appointment and then suddenly had the realisation that she couldnt just go to the dentist she now had to plan a whole regime of babysitting etc around it.

Bluebutterfly · 17/02/2008 12:26

Dh has been away for a week - since last Sat and it feels like I have not had a minute to myself in daylight hours. Not only that, but dh called me from the US on Wednesday at 9 am in the morning here (it was about midnight there) drunk.

He was living it up and I had already been awake with ds for 2.5 hours that morning, cleaning up poo (toilet training mishap) dealing with tantrums, and trying to get him organised to go to the shops. To top it off, I haven't seen the inside of a pub in about 5 months! I was not a happy bunny...

Spontaneity - what is that?

SlartyBartFast · 17/02/2008 12:27

i think that's probably when you realise no more children are on the agenda. when you can manage to go out and realise with a hindrence another dependent would be

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 17/02/2008 13:10

Oh, you're all so lovely. Sometimes it's such a relief to know you're not alone in your feelings and offloading here is so helpful.

Dh said "Right, we ARE going to be spontaneous, get in the car" so dd and I got in the car and he drove to a market and said "shall we have a look arond here?" and I said "er, no, I don't like shopping" so he said shall we go to Bicester Village and you can maybe get a new handbag because I know you want one and I'll take dd to the park bit?" and we got there and it was v v busy and heaving with people trying to look like Posh Spice so we didn't even park, I said "ewww, this is VILE let's go " so he said shall we go to Oxford and I said you've got to be joking, you can't park in Oxford. And he said Shall we go to a pub for lunch and I said no, it'll be like that day we went to that thatched place and read the lovely menu and ordered only to wait an hour to be served slop I wouldn't give to a dog. And he said shall we go to the garden centre and I said "oh lovely, combine TWO things I'm not intereested in: shopping AND gardening" - Poor bloke. Anyway I said let me out of the car, I'll walk home from here and as I walked away I realised I needed to do SOMETHING unplanned and within MY control, even if it was just getting out of the car and walking part of the way home. I've just called dh and apologised and he's fine and is in Tesco and is bringing me home nice things.

We did have a lovely day yesterday in the end, we watched Free Willy on the projector and ate lobster and prawns and crab (M&S trip) with dd and then when she went to bed we watched a crappy movie and drank Champagne and had a great night so I am not generally miserable. I also think I'm upset because ds rang to say could he stay tomorrow in London too and dh and I have the week off work and I want him to WANT to spend time with us instead of ex mil, who provides unlimited PS2, Coke, crap food and sweets and no rules at all. You can see why a 10yo boy would prefer that to me tbh.

I do have a lovely woman who looks after ds sometimes and I'm sure she would consider having them both tomorrow if I asked. So if she can then dh and I can go tomorrow.

Colditz, lol at milk and gosh, yes, all of these posts are so familiar. I think we probably all know this stuff but there are just times when it's hard.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 17/02/2008 13:12

WTF is this "spontaneity" you speak of??

Overrun · 17/02/2008 13:13

I'm totally with you on this one, and find that I have to be such a pita to get every on out of the house, by the time we are acutally on route I feel in too bad a mood to enjoy wherever we are going
Also feeling really this weekend, because its just like every other weekend and I am bored bored bored of it all...
Doing the Sunday lunch, trying to keep the dcs entertained, dh and I trying to get some much needed things done, which of course we never manage.
And bang thats another weekend gone

hercules1 · 17/02/2008 13:14

SOmetimes the joy of spontaneity goes when you realise just how much effort it takes to get everyone ready especially when that involves coats and gloves etc.

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 17/02/2008 13:17

lol Soupy
True Herc, I had to cajole dd into tights (to go with thin white silk skirt) and persuade her into a long sleeved top to wear under the impractical sequinned bit of flimsiness she wanted to wear (not as bad as it sounds, brought back from India by ex mil and v pretty but totally impractical) blah blah blah. It's all so BORING.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 17/02/2008 13:21

I shudder when I hear people moaning about how little their own parents look after their grandchildren. I have few intentions of doing so myself when I am older.

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