Difficult SIL

[Kaz1991]

Hi
I don’t know what to do. My SIL is hard work. She’s controlling and if she doesn’t get her own way she throws her toys out of the pram. My husband thinks she’s great, and can’t understand why I get into such an anxious mess before and after I see her.
last year we did a holiday with them. They did a week, (SIL, her family, and FIL) I joined for a week and then my husband and I continued for a week. All because I couldn’t go the same time as them so instead of discussing when was appropriate, she booked it like that, so we had to go!
I cried the whole flight out to meet them. Had to put on a brave face the whole time i was with them, and broke down and couldn’t leave the hotel room for the following week, even though she had gone home.
I don’t sleep or eat whenever my husband is visiting her without me as I can’t trust her.
I’ve gone down to minimum time seeing her, but there are times I have to - husbands birthday is tomorrow, and I have spent all evening crying and stressed about seeing her. I know I’ll be a mess for the first half of next week, as well.

it’s just not as simple as saying I won’t see her as my husband is close to her.

I don’t know what to do, she was no where near this bad before we got married!

Your reaction to her seems ott and extreme. You couldn't leave the room after she gone home on the second week. I think there's alot of manpulation on your part unless I've missed what your issue with her. He is allowed a relationship with his family seperate to you.

What specifically is it she has done to you?

It is hard to tell from your post exactly what is so upsetting... but your reaction does seem extreme and not normal at all. They are either so awful that you need better boundaries (e.g. not seeing them) or you possibly have some issues (anxiety? neurodiversity?) which you need help with.

Huh? What exactly is it that she has done to make you react in such an extreme way?

I have one like that. She does everything to favour her family and upset my brothers. It’s got so bad that she has isolated him from all his family and friends and he is so blinded by her he can’t see it. There is no talking to him.

he has mental health problems and tbh she is the main one causing most of the problems but he can’t see it.

I don’t get the crying and not going out for a week. I don’t get the not eating or sleeping either. Whether she is truly horrible or not, I think you need help.