Funeral etiquette

[1406E]

Advice required re funeral seating etiquette.
MIL has just passed away. She has three sons, all married, of which I am one of the wives.
MIL has a blood niece and her daughter who were very close and hands on.
My feeling is that they should have a more prominent position than me.
Crem has 8 seats at front, 5 on right, 3 on left.
My feeling is three sons, niece and nieces daughter sit on right.
Three wives sit on left.
My DH thinks I should sit with him as his wife.
Other sons wives are very assertive and will push themselves to front regardless of whether it is appropriate or not and have more or less taken over all the arrangements,
Where do I sit so as not to offend anyone.

I'm not sure there is etiquette is there? Just sit wherever? But I've only been to one funeral for a colleague and we all sat at the back so family and friends could be at the front

Sit with your husband. I would be astonished at a funeral if spouses didn't sit together.

Can't they make it 2 x 4? 5 + 3 seems silly...

Wives sit with husbands to support them.
I’ve never minded which row I’ve sat in at funerals tbh but I would always have DH with me. At PIL funeral all children sat front row with spouses. FIL sibling sat a few rows behind, I did try to ask if she wanted to come closer but she wasn’t fussed. I was in the last row at DGM even though I was closer to her than my siblings. It never entered my head to be offended. It’s just how things happened when we walked in.

Sit with your husband, that's the usual 'done thing' in my experience.

Sit with your DH. No one should have any issue with that, and nor should you. I'm sure your DH would want you beside him.

Firstly I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

We have a massive family and a fair few funerals, the general (and possibly only done by us) rule is that immediate family are closest to the celebrant so they can be addressed during the service or called to speak without having to climb over 800 cousins.

Husbands and wives of the immediate family sit on the front on the opposite side of the celebrant if that makes sense? Everyone else organises themselves according to their preference.

Id say sons and wives in front row so spouses can offer support.

Niece and daughter in second row. Usually first few rows are kept for family, and children (with partners) are typically before nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles etc.

I sat with my remaining parent and siblings in the front row (easiest as we were getting up to do readings etc). The spouses and DGC sat in the row behind. I felt that worked quite well, I didn't need my DH for 'support' (but maybe that's just me - my role was to support my DM)

That’s usually how it’s done around here especially if families are big.

Thank you very much everyone for your advice

I like your idea OP but can see both sides. Problem is, if there are 3 sons and 3 wives but only 5 seats together, someone is going to be the odd one out.

I suppose the best solution is be the first couple to arrive and sit together where you want, the others can sort themselves out.

Having said that, in my in-laws family I’d give a preferred seat to the older DiL just because she’s known them for ten years longer and sees more of them and is a million times more likely to ever let them move into her house

Totally depends on family. Recently, I attended a funeral where the widow was supported by her DIL rather than her sons - they were supporting their respective children.

I would 100% want dH next to me.

So if your DH wants you with him, you should sit with him. Niece and niece's daughter can sit together, immediately behind you.

Also, family will always be left the front rows so it is important to use them up. When we arrived at a funeral a few months back for a relatively distant relative, it was to discover that there was a space behind immediate family and everyone else and we realised it had been left for us even though we weren't that closely related. They are a small family and I think it was seen as important that we be right there with them.

Just let people sit where they end up? At funerals I’ve been to you gather outside the room until it’s time to go in, so just let the most important people go in first so they get first choice. No one is going to be pushing in at a funeral. Sorry for your loss!

3 sons and wives in the front,
Then neice and her DD.

I'd fully expect couples to be together.

We all just sat down in the order we walked into the crematorium. Be courteous and dignified at the door but don’t worry too much about this - it doesn’t need pre-planning.

I don't think some people read very well. There are 8 seats in the front row so the two women can sit in the front row. They don't need to sit behind. The issue is the 5+3 arrangement.

I went to my FiL's funeral this week and we agreed beforehand that I would sit in the row behind because we weren't sure how she would take it if I went and sat in the front row with them - it's a bit of a funny relationship. It was fine and no one queried it so I think you could get away with whichever arrangement you wanted.
If DH wants you next to him would it work if two couples were one side and one couple the other with the other female relatives either side of the aisle? I'm sure it'll work out, whichever arrangement you end up with OP. Hope it all goes ok.

Sorry! Meant to say in the row behind DH ans MIL

Agree. Spouses of the bereaved person would normally sit with them. Sometimes adult children will sit either side of (for instance) their bereaved parent, in which case their own partners might sit just behind them , depending on space in the church or other building.

The 5 & 3 arrangement makes it hard.
You effectively have 4 pairs, 3 men & wives, neice & daughter. Nobody was to be split from their pair.
So I'd do 2 pairs in the 5 seats. 1 pairs in the 3, neice and daughter behind, unless they want to split and take the odd seats either side of the asile.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you get through this with no hurt feelings.
Emotions run high at funerals and at my Mums funeral, my sister and I agreed that we would compromise and act with dignity at all times to avoid any squabbles. We consulted anyone who felt they were important about big decisions and we let cousins and neices etc have a say in hymns/readings and even the menu for the caterers.
Ask others what they want to do and be prepared to compromise. Peace and Love.

I am fighting with my daddy about this. The people that are closest to the deceased should sit closer. Martial status doesn’t come before bloodline at a funeral