I don't know why I always let myself believe.
I do the right things - I have switched everything in sight, I have tight budgets, I occasionally have a luxury because I do not agree with being completely depressed by money 100% of the time (by luxury I mean spending £3 on coffee once a month, not buying £100 dresses).
I start to see a way clear, a time when we won't be like this anymore.
Then something comes along to fuck it all up again and we are left worrying about how we will pay all the bills and eat.
This time - MOT. I hate that car. I have from the moment we got it. My car died, it was my first car all of my very own, and I miss it. PIL very very kindly offered to help us with a new car (at that point we both needed one), rather than giving us some money to get a cheap runaround down here, they gave us MIL's car, that they trusted. I know it is wrong to bitch about said car, it is a nice car - for someone else. It was hell from day one - they didn't cancel the tax (a disabled one), so it took me lots of running round to get it sorted. It has an airbag in the front that I cannot turn off, making it hard for transporting more than 2 children. It doesn't beep when the lights are left on, so, me being me, they get left on regularly, battery dies, we're stranded waiting for a jump start. The first MOT, the abs light was on - we knew it was, it had been on since we got the car, so we assumed that it was ok, what with the car being trusted. No, some corrosion thing (that happens on all cars that make ), cost £100 odd to fix it, then there was something break related - again, cost money. Now we're back round to MOT, several things failed, costing us £300 - I had allowed for £150 because I didn't honestly think there was anything wrong with it.
I wanted to go a couple of months with no car (at that point it would have been doable for a few months), in that time save the money from petrol etc, and get a car that I trusted that my mechanic guy had given the all clear for me. But we are stuck with this car that I hate, throwing more and more money after it.
Yes, I know. Some people don't have a car.
But right now I feel like shit, I'm not going away for half term, and I am just pissed off and wanting to rage at the world.
I have no idea where we will find the rest of the money from. Probably extend the overdraft, which then never gets shrunk again.
Life sucks and I just want out.