Christmas Presents at School..

[KatieMaChristmas]

My DD came home on Monday with a present from a child that has only just started at the school. I was a little concerned but let it pass.

Yesterday she came home with a 2nd present from a different child wrapped in linedpaper which had been coloured in. Inside was an old toy. This is from a child who has been at school for the same length of time as DD and who last year 'gave' my DD allsorts, family photos, money, loads of toys etc. The previous class teacher just returned them to the child, explaining nicely that she should 'keep' her prescious things.

I talked to DD's current teacher - who exaplained that child 1 (who was new) wanted to be friends with other children so brought in presents...I went off the deep end - that is so wrong - you don't give presents to make someone like you...DO YOU?

I explained about the gifts from child 2 and the teacher replied that if she wants to give presents she can. I say that I felt that presents at scholl was asking for trouble as there would always be someone who didn't get any....and I got told 'Well I'm the teacher and I make the decisions'

So these to children will not get return presents from DD and will now feel bad. I now feel bad and I worry about what else she will get as it's over a week to go. I'm not buying presents for half the class!

I'm too stingy I know but I have made arrangements with DD's best friend that they will play in the hols and exchange small gifts (£3ish)

How would anyone else have dealt with it?

nightmare -I find it hard enough to get cards organised for ds's class-mates!

Please please let there be no present-giving at ds's school

So I'm not completely unreasonable...the idea that gifts=friends....what will they be giving away at 16??

No I agree with you entirely.

The mum of one of my DD's friends said to me last week, when shall we swap the children's presents then? I looked blankly at her. She then went on to say she had not only bought for my DD but for my toddler DS too! Does this mean I have to buy for her DD AND her older DD? I have cut back on all my adult relatives this year so I can concentrate on my own children and close friends' children (money being quite tight) and now this happens. AAAAARGH.

Sorry to hijack with my own problems!!! oops

Npoe I did it the other way....to Best friends mum...'do you want to do presents for the girls?'
She said OK How much and after a bit of neg we decided on £3....If she had said no - we wouldn't have done anything iyswim And this was in November

I think this is a difficult one actually!

As a family we spend a lot of time at this time of the year emphasising the giving of gifts. We buy gifts for relatives and for our adult friends and children of our adult friends. How is a child supposed to view their own friendships on this basis?

Yes we know that childhood friendships can be transitory, however, one of my adult friends has been given presents by me since childhood (over 30 years now)! Are we to devalue their friendships vis a vis our own?

We encourage the children to give presents to children who are not as well off as us - so operation child and giving trees etc. I find it hard to encourage this but discourage giving to their friends!

In practical terms though I insist that presents to their friends have to be thoughtful and have managed to convince them that this means 'home made' . So where they do give gifts (and it is to those children that I believe are close friends at school, i.e. would be invited home to play or for sleepovers), then they are given home made peppermint creams, chocolate truffles or the like.

I do understnad your concern about buying friendship, but I don't think you can expect the teacher to intervene though - she can hardly ban presents can she?