Yet another wedding/invitation/baby/children thread

[Haylstones]

We've been invited to a wedding 5 weeks after my due date and would really like to go as it's a very close friend of dh's. He's missing 2 stag dos because of aforementioned due date so we're keen to make an effort to go. The invitation has arrived today and is addressed to us only, no mention of dd (age 4) or the baby.
I know it's been done a thousand times before but what is the etiquette here? Is it bad to ask about bringing baby (not an option to have childcare as I'll be bf)- don't want to put pressure on them or cause any awkwardness, would rather not ask if this is the case.
Are there any other options anyone can think of? It's 350 miles away and we were hoping to tie it in with a visit to family a further 60 miles away so we'll be in the vicinity anyway. Dh could always go alone or maybe MIL could come along [shudder] and do baby/dd stuff in between feeds (although with dd she seemed to be permanently latched on at that stage)
Voices of reason much appreciated, even if it is just to say we're mad to even consider it . We hardly ever get a chance to go anywhere 'nice' together, which is why I'd like to work a way round it.

(No offence will be caused by any comments so bring it on)

personally wouldn't want to leave a few week old baby but I guess it sort of depends how good/bad you feel after the birth anyway. How well breastfeeding is established and whether she can express cos lots of people find it really hard and all that gubbins.

Personally, unless it is immediate family, I prefer not to go to weddings with my kids in tow. If it is a friends wedding I look forward to a rare chance to spend time with my mates without being interrupted by my little darlings... so I have twice turned down invitations to weddings when a dc was too small to leave with relatives - even when the baby would have been welcome I know I really wouldn't have enjoyed the day much. If the weddings had been held nearby I might have gone to the ceremony but probably not the whole day...

We left dd when she was 6 weeks old to go to a wedding. Left expressed milk and took breast pump to "pump off" during the day to avoid effecting supply and to stop my boobs exploding..

I know 4 yr old would probably love staying with rellies but maybe with potential sibling rivalry , she might feel a bit left out if you all disappear to a "party" without her and she is left behind..?

Is it in a hotel ? Could someone stay there and have the kids so you are close at hand if you're needed ?

Message withdrawn

Thanks, am looking into going down the room in hotel route but still not sure. I am hoping this baby will not be late, been having very strong Braxton HIcks all day and baby is engaged and measuring term so hopefully it won't be much longer .
With dd I couldn't express, certainly not that early on and she would never ever take ebm or formula in a bottle so I don't want to rely on that option.
I don't think dd would be bothered about us going wihtout her as she rarely sees her grandparents so is extremely spoilt when she does see them and we don't get a look in. She'd probably enjoy all the attention after having to share her mum and dad for a few weeks!
I will talk to dh when he gets home

TBH there's no way on this earth I would leave a newborn with anybody-family or not- so I could go to a wedding, even if I wasn't planning on bf again. ILs live over an hour away from venue and I wouldn't be comfortable being that far away from my new baby anyway

I was in the bride's position in the same situation. Our friend brought her days old baby, who I saw for the first time walking up the aisle - she stayed near the door in case baby cryed.

From my POV, a dear friend made the effort to travel to my wedding a few days after giving birth and it really touched me, more than any present. I was delighted to have my friend and her baby there. A newborn is not disruptive in the way the toddlers there were (another story!). Everything worked out well for me, but some of the other guests have since commented they were shocked to see such a tiny baby at a wedding.

From my friend's POV, she never said anything but I have heard on the grapevine that she did not enjoy my wedding at all. It was too much for her so soon after the birth. So, be ware that you might not feel up to it and be as selfish as you like

Interesting POV, thanks! I actually feel a bit guilty now becaue we had a child-free wedding (pre our dd obviously) but in our defence we had to be strict with numbers and budget and also none of our friends had children. Had anybody asked I'm sure we'd have accommodated them though.
I'm looking forward to it, I don't care how flabby/ knackered/ post natal I am!

why would peopel be shockked at a tiny baby at a weddng? reminds me of when i was out walking with dd2 aged 4 days in sling - i was st in starbucks drinking tea and old biddy came over "oh waht a tiny baby - how old" 4 days i said

"oh good god how disgusting - babies that age should be indoors - so should you you lady"

right ok i sadi

any way i digress

you might be ok, hayls, seeing as its baby no 2 enjoy the wedding

I met a woman in the baby changing in an airport when dd was 7 months old. She had a babyw ith her and was collecting family. I asked how old he was and she said he was about 3 weeks then said 'of course I wouldn't normally dream of taking a baby so yuong out but I had to'. I did wonder when she felt it was Ok to leave the house. I remember going to Asda when dd was 4 days old!

One of my closest friends got married a few years ago - I had to withdraw as a bridesmaid as my due date was only 3 weeks before. As it was, DS came early and was 5 weeks old at the wedding - he had his own setting at the table, complete with personalised favour etc, no chair so his pram fitted in next to me at dinner. He was passed back to me at pretty regular 3 hour intervals for feeds by all the other guests at the wedding but, other than that, spent most of him time being passed around for cuddles !

if its your second or 3rd or wahtever, you dont really have the luxury of sitting indorrs in your silk pyjamas do you? is that what youre supposed to do??

I suppose they meant "shocked" as in very surprised. To be honest I wouldn't worry about people with strange notions. As far as babies go you won't please everyone no matter what you do.

If you want to go to the wedding, call the happy couple and explain the situation re. breastfeeding.