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Original poster

Controlling father

6 replies

Eirianbach · 28/02/2023 08:23

Hi

After some advice please, I am 44 years old and my father questions my whereabouts. I have an admin job which allows me to work from home some days, I cant be for certain but I think he passes our street to see if our cars are at home and then when we are next on the phone with each other he'll ask if I've been working and whether I was at home or in the office. I know for certain that he passes my brother's house during the day because he asks me if I've heard from him and that his van/car was at home. It is really bothering me now as I feel spayed on and controlled. We ask him maybe once a week to collect our children from school but I feel he isn't happy with this if I'm working from home but if and when I ask him I'm usually in a meeting at school pick up times. He will quiz me when I collect them from his if I was working and where!!
Would be grateful of any advice?

OP posts:
ohfibonacci · 28/02/2023 08:27

What was he like when you were growing up? That does sound annoying but I think more background is needed. What’s your relationship with your mum and dad like? Are they good with your kids?

Original poster
Eirianbach · 28/02/2023 21:29

My mum has passed away since many years unfortunately.
When she was alive and we were growing up he was very controlling of her.
He has always been controlling of me and my sister when we were growing up, wanting to decide everything that did, even into our 20's. Even after leaving home he comments on everything we do. What makes things difficult is that he heaps attention on my children while continuing to put me down.

OP posts:
ohfibonacci · 28/02/2023 23:11

Sorry about your mum.

How old are your children? I would rethink your childcare. It’s not good that he’s putting you down in front of them. Not healthy for them or you. The spying thing is not good either. I doubt he’ll change so you need to take a step back and not give him any power over you. Hard when you’re so used to it.

ohfibonacci · 01/03/2023 06:07

Why don’t you ask Mumsnet to move this to the Relationships board where you’ll get lots more responses?

LifeIsReallyGood · 09/03/2023 02:24

Well you are a 44 yr old woman and you no longer have to answer to your father.
Why do you even tolerate this?
It's not worth the attention he gives your children only for him to put you down simultaneously.
That's a sick cycle you are stuck in and I would put a stop to it right now.
At least it was me I would.Actually I would never have tolerated any of his abuse,father or not.

TheCatterall · 09/03/2023 02:38

I don’t understand why you would want someone with this controlling nature around your children? It’s just giving him an ‘in’ to your family life. Imagine if he also likes to drive past the school as they grow up. Won’t that be nice for them…

You are a 44 year old independent woman. Why are you all too scared to stand up to
your father?

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