I deserve more than this ...

[Bumblelion]

I am saying this for you all to turn round and say to me "get a grip, get him out of your life, what does he actually do for you?".

Met a guy in June, got it on in September. I do like him but ...

(1) He is a roofer and goes to the pub every night after work.
(2) I get one night out a week and he rarely meets up with me - if he does, it is late and he is p*ssed.
(3) He rings me at 11 pm at night, invites himself round and then promptly falls asleep.
(4) Every weekend he gets out of his head on "coke" and I am not into/have never been into that scene.
(5) He always comes to my house and I have only ever been to his flat once.
(6) In the past, I have done some of his washing - although not ironing, he wears scruffy clothes to work as he is a roofer.
(7) Last Friday he said he could come round early. (Saturday was my night out last weekend). Didn't hear from him, got invited out by a friend (who he knows), had a family friend I could to babysit, so thought, sod it, I am going out. He rung at 8:15 to see if he could come round and I said "no, I was going out". He said that he thought Saturday night was my night out and I said it was, but as I hadn't heard from him, I wasn't going to stay in waiting for him to contact me, which he might not even had, when I had been invited out.
(8) Was invited to a mutual friend's party Saturday but he didn't turn up, although he knew I was going to be there.
(9) Found out from another mutual friend that, during our brief split, he slept with another girl who gets about a bit.

Oh dear! After putting it all into words, I am suddenly seeing the light. I am not a mug but am certainly being made to feel a c*nt the way he is treating me.

It is weird, my friend(s) tell me I am better off without him but, it is only by putting down the good and bad points, that I can actually see there are no good points.

Thanks Mumsnet. For once I have got my own answers.

Get a grip, get him out of your life, what does he actually do for you?
As you say - you have answered your own question - he sounds as if he uses you for what he wants once a week!!
Get rid and find someone who deserves you.

Sounds like you are right Bumblelion and have answered your own questions. I know its hard because you are probably still feeling vulnerable following the split up of your marriage but you really are better than that.

You are busy on Mumsnet this afternoon aren't you? I seem to have been following you around the board.

You noticed. I am at work but have NOTHING to do - I am stuck in a corner and all everyone is seeing is me bashing away on the keyboard - they think I am working so hard - I feel such a fraud!

Yes Bumblion - sling him out of your life, you are worth much, much more than this .. even if it takes a while to meet someone else (has he at least been able to do any work around the house for you!) - it must be better to stay in with a bottle of wine (or two), and a good book that him!!

He's not a cockney called Pat is he? My friend has just got rid of her drunken, gambling, roofer husband who had many of the same characteristics - maybe its a roofer type thing. It sounds like you're better off without him. I hope Prince Charming comes and whisks you off into the sunset very soon.

Funnily enough, an ex-colleague of mine found her roofer fiance had spent their life savings on coke! What a coincidence!

Sorry to shatter your deductions, but he sounds EXACTLY like a farmer I once knew, so not just roofers. Get rid bumblelion, you're worth much more.

And if you see him on your one night off every week, then you won't be using that precious time to meet other potential Mr rights.

Yes, Bumblelion - I thought in fact you'd answered your own question on your thread on the other board! And I'd agree with Sobernow about "transitional" blokes - also if everyone's being honest it does everyone good to get a sh*g now and again, right, to feel you can attract a man?! But so glad you've realised enough to get out before he drags you down. Also, to second several others, all roofers I've known have been vile too, with just the same habits!!

Bumblelion now you've a template of 'endearing qualities' you'd rather not put up with, ensure the next bloke you encounter bears no resemblance to it .

Bumblelion, I agree with all the others you are too good for him but it looks like you've realised it anyway, it was probably the right thing at the right time, like the others say, transitional (good word ) nothing too heavy before you were ready for it and no commitments but now you are coming out of you vulnerable stage I guess you've woken up and smelled the roses !

Bumblelion, glad to hear you're Out There again but agree with your own diagnosis: dump him! Cheeky B!

It is now definitely OVER.

Thursday night (after I posed this in the afternoon), he came round nice and early at 7:10 pm, we had a nice dinner - me being a mug cooked it, he then had a bath, I had a shower and when I came out of the shower he was in bed asleep. I looked at him and thought "what on earth am I doing".

Because I had heard about this other girl, he totally denied it and also denied it Thursday night, saying he had never heard of her.

Well, I could see the funny side of what happened next as we had not had s*x - if we had, I would have felt a whole lot worse. This is going to sound more like a comedy sketch than my real life.

He was lying in bed asleep next to me when his mobile buzzed (phone broke, only buzzes when it is on a hard surface) and I decided to answer it, thinking that the only person that ever rings him at that time of night is his work-mate/boss. Anyway, I answered his phone and a girl was on the other end. We were saying "hello?, hello?, hello?," to each other. I then asked her who she wanted and when she didn't answer, I asked if she wanted B. She said yes and I told her to hold on the phone as he was asleep in bed next to me. I tried and tried to wake him but he would not budge. I told her I couldn't wake him and then asked if her name was and she said yes and she asked how I knew of her. I told her I was finding it a bit funny as B denied all knowledge of her and here I was talking to her on his phone. I didn't have a problem with her, just with the b**tard lying next to me.

When I got off the phone to her, I phoned my friend who was out with some old school friends. My friend told me she would come round after her night out. I got out of bed, got dressed and his mobile buzzed with a message saying "thanks for the hard-core sex, no hard feelings". By now I was getting more and more angry, but just could not wake him up.

I went and sat downstairs and waited for my friends to come round. They arrived and the first thing I did was show them the received call and the message that had been received. One of my friends trod on his phone with her heel and broke it, and then got a glass of cold water and went and threw it over his face. He woke up spluttering and my friend said to get out of my house and what was he playing at and that I had talked to this other girl on the phone. He eventually came downstairs looking all humble, got his trainers on and left. Before he left, he turned round and said that he didn't know what the problem was as, in his eyes, we were not seeing one another and that we were not married or anything. Nice of him!

Friday night I went out with the same friends that were round Thursday night to a pub and then to a club. In the club, B was there (on his own) and the other girl was also there with her and I did talk to her. I have no problem with her as she didn't know about me, but the funny thing is B kept coming up and telling me not to ignore him. As if I would even give him the time of day!

Bumblelion you have the patience of a saint to have treated him so well. I think he would be in hospital now if he had been mine. Aren't you glad that you weren't married to him? I think you acted v. sensibly towards this other girl - as you said, it wasn't her you had a problem with, hopefully she will also realise what a bastard he is and he will be left with nobody.

Good on you Bumblelion.

Brilliant Bumblelion - sounds like a night full of girl power. good on you and don't have him back!

Bumblelion, I especially liked the bit with the heel on the phone

WELL DONE BUMBLELION!!! I'm so proud of you girl! You've got some fantastic mates there! You really took him down a peg or two! Deserved it too the cheeky b**tard!

Have some fun on your own with your friends for a while, I think you must have had quite enough of men for a while!

I do feel so much better for getting rid of him, especially in the way it happened - he must have felt totally humiliated. He was caught bang to rights and, at the end of the day, he was the one that was caught out - I feel I can (and I will) hold my head high.

I, myself, did feel a bit humiliated when he said he couldn't see what the problem was as, in his eyes, we were not having a relationship. Obviously, he thinks totally different to me. (I can see now that it wasn't much of a relationship but, even so, I thought we were having a sort-of one - i.e. being faithful to each other, not sleeping around). They say what comes round, goes around, and, although it is a bit of a different situation, I now know what it is like to be cheated on and it is not a very nice feeling.

I know that, at the end of the day, he is the one that will end up not having much of a life - he hasn't got one now really - all he has is ... work, pub, home alone (or one night stands), work, pub, home alone ...

LOL Bumblelion at the treading on the phone!!! Like it.

I sing "Sisters are doing it for themselves" whenever I see this thread...

Well done bumblelion. As someone said, you've got some good friends there. Like the glass of water too...