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Unhelpful family

8 replies

vulpix123 · 08/02/2023 11:45

Am I right to be annoyed?
I am going in to be induced tomorrow. My mum promised she would look after my youngest son, the older boys will be at school for the day, so that my partner can come along.
Last night she told me that "My dad" has said he doesn't want her looking after 4 children as it's a "big responsibility" (she raised 4 children herself and is more than capable) but she could just be using my dad as a get out.

My partner's family are useless and have never done anything or bother to see our children and my mum and dad are the only family I have within 300 miles and they never have my children, but on a rare occasion before Christmas , my mum agreed to have them at my house for a few hours whilst me and my partner went and did some Christmas shopping. The older boys will happily just watch films or play computer games, so only my youngest required the most attention for that time frame and we even ordered a takeaway for her and the children whilst we were out so she wouldn't have to cook either.

So now my partner can't attend the hospital with me , he has missed the last 2 births due to nobody willing to help out , the last time I went on my own as he stayed at home with the boys and the time before that my mum reluctantly agreed to have them whilst he came with me but we felt she still had an issue with doing something for us , so my partner told my mum to go with me instead and again stayed at home.

It's our last child now and our first daughter, this is only something that happens once in a lifetime! And neither her or my dad can be bothered to make an effort for just one day.

My mum has said she will happily come along with me for the birth but now I feel like I don't even want her there and would just rather go on my own again.

We have nobody else that we can ask and have never left the boys with anyone else outside of family , so it's just upsetting!

I know my children aren't anybody else's responsibility but surely she could make an exception to have her own grandchildren for a while. She has even drove 300 miles to my sister's house and stayed there for a couple of weeks to babysit her 3 children for them whilst her and her partner were busy with their businesses , they did pay her for this but still compared to having to do something for a few hours is an easier option and we would happily pay her but as she has already used my dad as an excuse then how can offering money change that now.

Do I just attended alone and or just suck it up and have my mum come with even though I am upset with her

:(

OP posts:
4thonthe4th · 08/02/2023 11:47

I mean, it’s not once in a lifetime if it’s your 5th child. If they were unreliable last time, you should’ve sorted formal childcare for the induction in advance. Are the younger children in nursery? Can you try and book a babysitter for the day so your partner can come to the birth?

vulpix123 · 08/02/2023 11:55

@4thonthe4th I understand what you are saying, I've had many births but each one is literally once in a lifetime! You can never give birth to the same child again , and as I said , this is OUR LAST child now and ONLY daughter.
My mum was the arrangement, she only let us down last night. My 3 older boys will be at school and it's only my 21 month old son who doesn't attend nursery yet who needs Looking after. I don't think I'll be able to arrange anything at this late notice :/
I have to be there at 11 AM

OP posts:
Ladyofthesea · 08/02/2023 12:10

Maybe a radical suggestion but how do you feel about DH bringing the 21 month old? You could try an epidural to look more calm for your child if you feel that's necessary. One of my friends had her baby in front of her daughter by accident (labour went too quick) and it was fine.

Ladyofthesea · 10/02/2023 14:19

@vulpix123

Did you have your little girl? Could DH be there as well?

BeautifulDayintheneighbourhood · 10/02/2023 14:26

I hope it all went well and DH was able to be there. I would be absolutely furious with my mother if I were you. She sounds utterly selfish. I say that as someone with a totally unhelpful mother myself.

Star81 · 10/02/2023 14:41

Sorry your family changed plans on you, especially hurtful when she has helped other family out.

I hope you had your little girl and all is well x

britneybitch23 · 10/02/2023 14:41

Hope you had a safe and well delivery. Remind your mum of this when she wants help in her old age.

Viviennemary · 10/02/2023 14:51

I think its really mean of your Mum to refuse to have your children.,. I certainly wouldnt have her at the birth. Or even bother with her very much. She should step up. Its not as if its every week.,

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