lies damn lies and not santa

[Tortington]

following on from the other thread does anyone else tell big stonkers to their kids?

i couldnt parent without them

Sure do. My daughter was trained, from a very early age, to tell people that I had a flat stomach and a large chest.

Any sweets I eat when I don't want her to have any are 'medicine'.

She tells all checkout staff that I am now 23 - started off as 21 but subsequent birthdays have aged me!

Oh there's loads more, I'll be thinking about these all evening.

I'm strawberry blonde, tall, slim and 23! Unfortunately, as they have got older they have realised its ginger, short, cuddly and only just this side of 40! Ah well - it was good while it lasted

Message withdrawn

Bloss

It can do.

It can also mean something that is large or great.

Anything nice I want to eat and not share with the kids 'is full of alcohol' Bad Mummy, bad mummy!

Mummy is pretty ...
Any thing that I don't want him to do or play with is 'broken' and Daddy will fix it later ...
Nana is nice ... (not my mum or DH's mum but DH's step mother who is a brassy fake blonde, breast enhanced, botoxed alcoholic trollop ... harsh but true!)
I'll think of some more ...

That the Taste the Difference individual chocolate tart in the fridge is yukky and absolutely not for ds breakfast (and absolutely for mummy when ds is in bed!). Now every time he sees one he shouts yuk

...rechargable batteries (for noisy toys) run down in 1 day and take 2 days to recharge, and if you remove them from the charger before the 2 days is up you have to start all over again

Everyday I tell ds I'm whizzing his milkshake to make bubbles, the reality is I'm whizzing a banana into it as he won't eat fruit.

Funny how I never have any change whatsoever when we go past the ride-on car in the supermarket...

lol@sobernow! these are all so funny

5 minutes ago i was driving my 13 year old son to a school disco, i told him not to take any drugs, if he got offered extacy not to take it as we have weak hearts in our family and he will die!

hows that for a lie?

i did tell him he could snog girls but to keep his tongue to himself and not to drink cos basically his life wouldnt be worth living!

he was really cool with everything

custardo, like it! will remember that one for later. Wish I'd thought of the Mcdonalds private club lie as well - much too late for that now. It's broken and battery run down lies are commonplace in our home.

Once your child can read, you find your wings are clipped. My son makes a bee line for small print and instructions whenever I come over all vague.

However, even though I happily lie small time for peace and harmony, I feel much more guilty about breaking promises I make to my sons, as I mentioned on the other thread. I avoid making too many promises because, here's the paradox - I'd hate them to think my word is worthless.

I've got a good one ... if DS kicks off in public (eg. shopping mall/the Supermarket/car park etc) I tell him that 'that lady/man over there is getting cross with you'. He stops and looks over his shoulder in the direction that I am pointing and checks out the poor innocent shopper going by or the innocent bloke tucking into his sarnie ... and it works a treat ... he stops yelling and does what he is told!

My son was 4.5 before he realised that ice-cream vans sold ice-cream. He thought they just drove round playing pretty music to make people happy. Our neighbours blew the gaff, grrr!!

My mum told me that when ice-cream vans played the music it meant they had sold out! How mean can you get?

If I'm eating anything dd wants, I tell her it's got hot chillies in it or it will make her choke. As she has particularly bad memories of both of these things, she doesn't bother me again and I can get back to my great big chocolate bar!

My friend's mum told her she had to scrub and rinse every bit of toothpaste from her mouth each time, otherwise it would rot her teeth.

Rhubarb, Plamil (vegan/dairy free chocolate) now make a chocolate bar that is made with cayenne pepper. It is called 'lovers chocolate' because it is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. I've tasted it and it does bite the tongue a little (but its very nice - can't comment on the aphrodisiac properties though). You could reinforce your 'lie' by giving her a taste - you might even put her off for life - what a favour you'd be doing her.

Going off the point slightly but I remember asking my mum what a virgin was (when Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' was in the charts) & she told me it was a woman who hadn't had a baby! Also, I once asked her what the blue & white boxes with 'Tampax' written all over it was. Her reply was, I thought quite clever; 'cotton wool'!