Help for my daughter-in-law and grandson

[Chickierock66]

Hi everyone,
I hope you don't mind a 'grandma' asking for help. My daughter-in-law is Thai and although she speaks enough English to get by, she feels that it isn't good enough. Her son, our grandson is 15 months old and totally gorgeous (I may be biased) but where he isn't being socialised with other children, when we took him to soft play on Saturday he was totally overwhelmed and screamed the place down. He was genuinely scared bless him.
I can't seem to find any mother and toddler groups locally that aren't connected to churches (she is a muslim) and even if I did I am not sure she would go alone and I work all week.
I am so worried about him being so scared of other children. Any advice would be gratefully accepted.
Thank you in advance.

Her health visitor may have lists of groups operating in the area, otherwise can you phone around some of the local community centres for her as they often have groups running. Is there a local Facebook page where she lives, that would also be a great place to ask about local groups. Are there any Peep groups in her area we have a group here and they run a group for EAL mums. If mum is isolated with a young baby in general how about Home Start or similar if that operates in her area. Does she not want to attend a church run group, none of our local mum and baby groups in churches require you to have a particular faith or indeed any faith at all.

Im a total atheist and attend a church playgroup, it’s just a few songs and maybe a craft. Everyone is so friendly they will welcome her in and she’ll soon make connections

Also a thought do you have any other children in your extended family that you could invite for a play date, maybe at your house to help facilitate it with your DIL and grandson and the other parent(s) and child, maybe a 1:1 would be easier for your grandson to start off with. Maybe soft play is just too full on and noisy. Or does a local cafe have a wee play area, you could meet up with your DIL and grandson for a coffee and he could have a wee play, getting out of the house and around other people is so important for both mum and child. Where is her partner in this I guess your son or daughter are they not encouraging and supporting them to go out when they are all at home together?

I agree that soft play was a step too far, but unfortunately we don't have any extended family nearby. I will try and push my son a little harder. He is a lorry driver and works long hours, but that is not an excuse not to do anything with your son. To be honest, I was very surprised at how scared he was. I have had 5 children and taken them to mother and toddler groups etc. from when they were a couple of weeks old, therefore I have never witnessed this before.
I am a teacher and so unfortunately I am working long hours also, meaning that I can not help much Monday to Friday. My husband and I have him at the weekends so that my daughter in law can work. I am worried that the isolation is affecting his development, for instance, he isn't saying any discernable words; he is still babbling and making noises like a child that is much younger.
Sorry. I am rambling. I just don't know what to do to help.

Are the parent and toddler groups actually connected to the church?
We have one near us I used to go to and it's run by a parents committee. It's nothing to do with the church it's just they happen to have a reasonable sized hall, good storage cupboard for toys and charge a reasonable price.
I'm d also echo looking at community centres for groups

Hello,

Without being too outing- what area of the country do you live in as that may help with providing suggestions? X

We live in Newbury, Berkshire.

Have a look at these classes. The class sizes are relatively small so not too overwhelming either. You can have as little or as much interaction with others in the class as you'd like.

www.hartbeeps.com/newbury-and-thatcham

www.facebook.com/BoogieMitesNewbury

Parent Village at Educafe -11am-2pm at Newbury Library. Meets in the children’s area of the library. Different activities every week including The Watermill Theatre, Boogie Mites and breastfeeding support. Free.
Hope that helps xx

I will also say that overwhelmingly, toddler groups / stay and plays / playgroups at Churches use the Church buildings and are overwhelmingly subsidised by the Churches financially, but really don't have any religious theme to them at all, and that people of all faiths and people without any faith are all equally welcome.

I would also say that soft play is massively overwhelming for many, many children - it is a sensory nightmare for many people who would not say they have sensory needs. You'd have to pay me a lot to spend time in soft play centres, and I am a lot older than 15months. So I wouldn't make any judgement about a child not being keen.

I don't know the area where you live, but generally the best way to find out about stay and plays is on local media. Just ask in the local facebook group - you'll get loads of things listed. Other than that, try Children's Centres, HVs (if you can get hold of them), libraries, local community centres / village halls etc for information.