Overbearing new neighbour

[karrliz]

I've lived at my address for 4 years and had a great neighbour- similar age, friendly and would keep themselves to themselves. However, they moved last summer and since we have gained a new neighbour (woman around 60).

I saw her a few days after she moved in on our drive and did the neighbourly thing of saying welcome to the neighbourhood- my name is such and such and she cooed at my baby (2 months at the time).

She then knocked a couple of days later saying she has seen me going for walks and asked if I could walk her to the shop- so she knows where it is. I said of course and did that.

The next thing was the community centre (asking where that is). Again I walked her to it.

She has asked me for coffees and I have gone with her twice, as tbf at the time I was free and was being polite as she was new to the area.

Since though, it has become a every few days occurrence with some new reason to knock or get in touch.

It's just too much! I have a baby to look after and I feel like she is expecting me to look after her as she knows I'm on Mat leave! She has family that live in the same neighbourhood, but has some obsession with me. To the point where she has been annoyed I can't do something when she's asked.

I only have to start packing the pram in the car and she comes out to speak to me. Like the other day she saw I was packing the car and she waited on my drive for me to come back out... it started off sweet and I was being polite, but it's just getting a bit creepy now and overbearing.

I know I don't have to answer the door when she knocks, but there always seems to be some sort of Amazon parcel arriving so I have to answer the door. Or if I look out the window, she'll see me!

I have tried saying I can't talk (babies asleep etc.) but she pushes! Says she will only be 2 mins... it's rude and disrespectful...

Any advice to get them to back off? I don't want to be rude as she's my direct neighbour and not wanting to make an enemy, but boundaries need to be made!

Ring doorbell? ‘Sorry I’m naked, just got out the shower/I’m feeding baby/on a call to someone’ or whatever.

Oh that sounds awful. I have a similarly chatty neighbour too, also elderly so I do try and rush in and out as quickly as possible, phone to ear or something as once he starts it's impossible to get away from him. He's the type who runs out as soon as the bins are collected and is always around doing something in his garden or power washing his drive so he's always there! I feel for him as he's clearly lonely and desperate for company, but I just can't be doing with nosy neighbours.

I find that any general chit chat just encourages people like that, they seem to think you're best friends!

That's exactly how I feel! On one hand I feel for her as it must be a lonely thing, but then at the same time I just don't have the time to go round for constant coffees! I already have a baby and managing seeing my parents/ in-laws/ my grandparents/ my friends plus keeping up with housework/ cooking etc.

I don't mind the occasional neighbourly chit chat, but the problem is if I give her an inch, she takes a mile!

Even came round the other day asking why flowers were delivered to my door...!

Use your baby as a (valid) excuse, and be firm "sorry I can't speak, the baby needs feeding/bathing/is sleeping" every time. Eventually she'll hopefully get the hint.

If you're packing your car and she's there,don't stop and talk, don't ask how she is, don't even make small talk, just keep walking "sorry I've got an appointment got to run". Eventually she will hopefully give up. You may have to be what feels like a little rude, which can feel uncomfortable, but just remember that she is the rude one by pushing herself onto you.

You could also say "if you're lonely there's a great coffee and chat/knit and natter at the community centre/library or whatever..." and if she asks you to go with her just say sorry but you don't have the time.

I do think a lot of retired people simply forget what it is like to have a full time job or a child to look after. They assume everyone's life is like theirs and that we have all the time in the world.

Is there a WI or something nearby? Encourage her to go and meet her own friends.