Lonely

[Anonposter123]

Not sure why I'm posting, feel like i need to vent somewhere...

I'm incredibly lovely. I'm in my late 30's, married, 2 kids, 2 dogs and incredibly lonely after moving out of London 2.5 years ago.

We now live in the country near hubbys family. I love living here, but I'm so lonely. I gave up my career in London due to personal reasons and took an 18 month career break during covid whilst home schooling and wedding planning. I got a new job a year ago which I really enjoy but it's working from home so I don't see anyone.
All my 'friends ships' seem to have disappeared. I'm starting to think the people I thought I was friends with where I previously worked actually just saw me as a work friend whereas I thought we were actual friends.
I know no one outside hubbys family here and I'm so lonely.
Hubbys not been well for the last few months which is making my loneliness even worse as we haven't been able to go anywhere or do anything for months.

I'm literally at the point of not seeing the point of getting out of bed at the weekend as I don't see the point. No where to go, nothing to do.
I'm at breaking point. I get no phone calls, no texts, no one cares.

Not expecting responses. Just needed to let it out.

Sorry to read this, OP. It’s difficult to keep friendships going long distance. Would you be able to travel back to London every now and again to still feel party of things? Is your DH’s health improving so you can look up to a more active future?

Still pushing through private health care for hubby to get answers abs help on what's wrong. It's been a long process.

I've been trying to reach out to all my friends but they either don't respond or promise to call and I hear nothing.

I'm desperate to do something fun and grown up that doesn't involve my kids.

Hubbys family are lovely. But all do their own things and I don't seem to get invited unless it's a family gathering or kids outing.

My mental health is awful as it's dragging me down.
What's the point of life if there's no enjoyment and no one to talk to.

Much of your post resonated with me. DH worked away last night and got back early evening. My kids drove me mad during that time. I said I'm off out for a drive and I spent 2 hours taking myself for a drive thru coffee, nobody to text and I just sat on my own. I was happy enough though but I did think to myself how tragic is this? I'm not very good at reaching out to people (past friends were not very nice and I let them walk all over me).

I work from home but I'm actively changing that and doing something else next year (a post grad qualification).

So please know you aren't alone. I think we've just been a little unlucky maybe.

P.s sorry to hear about your husband I hope things improve x

You’ve had a lot of changes in a short space of time and it’s unsettling. Do you get to meet other parents? Even if not to establish friendships, just to chat and feel like ‘making an effort’.

Sorry to hear this and I can relate….
I have reflected earlier today that my mental health has declined since I lost a good friend years ago, another one started a family, meaning not often available and another one started a new relationship, again not as often available… I have tried to fill my spare time with fitness and study, but tbh I miss my mates!!!!

I’m possibly also rather fussy and now less willing to invest in people who I see as selfish, arrogant or self obsessed! In earlier years I possibly wouldn’t have noticed these traits…. So I guess I reduce my options!

Still figuring out Mumsnet, not sure how to reply to each message separately, so sorry about that!!

Yes I've been incredibly unlucky with friendships. Friends who've slept with my boyfriend, friends who drop me for something better, friends who isolate me out of groups, bullied my a so called friend and no one else stood up for me.

It's easier to see and chat to people when the weathers nicer and I'm taking my son to his activities but they stop during the cold weather.

This time of year is just depressing and makes me feel worse

I've seven googled things to do alone, if I get one more suggestion of reading a book, meditating, baking etc I think I'll scream

I'm the same, always thought I had lots of friends but moving away from London and having children has made me realise that perhaps they weren't really that great after all.

I think being busy is the key for me - maybe it is for you to. I had a fab day today with my family, we went somewhere new and walked the dog, I spent lots of time cooking and playing with DD and then had a nice dinner with my partner at home.

I don't have that many people to text and I try to keep off social media as much as possible as I think it's so hard trying to keep up with everyone else who looks like they're having a great time!

Are your DC at school yet? I'm hoping for a new batch of friendly faces when mine starts in a few years.

If your partners family are local could they watch the kids one night a week and you join something or even go to a gym class or swimming?

I think having some friendly faces or a sense of community can really help - but I'm there with you

OP as lovely as meditating/long baths/pampering is, it's also done in isolation, that's not what you want is it?

Have you got a WI where you are? A friend of mine (forties) belongs to one, she loves it. I think you'll have to be brave and join something, but something that actually encourages socialising, like a hobby, where you discuss said hobby. You don't need lots of friends, just quality friends.

You can also try Meetup, I've met a few people on there, also apps like Bumble friends, you'll have to work at it a bit, hopefully it'll pay off.

I've been lonely too, still am (and I have friends) if I'm honest, think I always will be.

I hope you find something that suits, but please don't give up, you'll need to be proactive..good luck

My kids are 14 and 8 so spending time with mum isn't very cool anymore 🙈
I have to bribe them with McDonald's to make them go anywhere.
I'm mums taxi taking them or their friends here and there.

I've searched for local groups but unfortunately there isn't anything near me for my age! All the womens groups are for those of retirement age 🙈

Roughly where are you based? If you’re happy to share ?

Have you looked on Meetup for local groups? I can guarantee there will be other women locally who feel exactly as you do.

I felt a bit like you a few years ago when we moved areas. I tried a few local groups but none of them were a good fit for me, so I bit the bullet and started my own Meetup group, for women around my age. It was scary and excruciatingly awkward putting myself out there to begin with, but I stuck with it and it grew. It's a lovely group now and we have regular social events, theatre trips, meals out etc. December was really busy!

Volunteering is another area you could explore if you have any spare time. I also volunteer and although I wouldn't class any of my volunteer colleagues as friends, I have made a few acquaintances that way and there are regular social events.