No one to vent to

[BananaPalm]

What do you do if/when you have no one to vent to?
My DH is lovely and would definitely listen but obviously there are lots of things I can't vent to him about. My two best friends both live abroad in two different countries and have small children (4 and 18 months) so are rarely available to talk - once every fortnight or less. As a mum to an almost 13 month old I completely get that and I myself struggle to find time for anything else so I don't blame them one bit. And my DM is lovely too but in every situation she sees some sort of a danger, be that literal or moral one. So can't really vent to her without getting everything reinterpreted into a cautionary tale. She's also not a great listener, which I remember very vividly from my childhood, so usually she'll drift off in her mind soon after I start talking. When I was a child/teenager it drove me mad (and sad), now I just stop myself before I say anything more serious. So... I'm left with no one else. And for the last two weeks I bottled up so much stress/negative emotions that yesterday I cried for two hours straight and couldn't stop. Does anyone have any advice?

Bump please

Come and vent on here! Great place to vent as completely anonymous so you can say exactly what's on your mind. My only tip would be don't do it on AIBU board unless you want lots of people telling you you're wrong! 😆 Do it on the chat board or the appropriate topic thread and make it clear in your OP that you are just venting not after advice.

Happy venting OP ☺️

I started this thread a while back and yet again I'm finding myself in exactly the same situation. Just wanted for someone to perhaps read this post and to have a bit of a sense that someone "heard" me. Thanks to anyone who did read this!

Aw that sounds tough, OP. I don't have a big network in that sense either so am very lucky my vent person is my sister, and she's perfect for it - always ready to side with me in rant mode! I assume you don't have siblings you can confide in? My mum is another big support so I'm sorry that yours isn't giving you the outlet to moan freely! Maybe be honest with her about that? Can you try baby groups, make some local mum friends with children the same age, with the venting/shared struggles in mind?

Try not to get too down. I'm learning that life really is a cycle, it won't always feel like this. I'm not sure what pressures you're under but for one thing the baby will become less and less demanding. When they start school you'll have an opportunity to make "mum friends" who can be a nice outlet. If you aren't working currently you might when they're older (or make a career change) which can lead to new people.

And you have a lovely husband, that's a massive massive plus that lots would kill for. I know men don't always "get it" with the Mum Life but if he's listening that's a big part of it, I find. Mine is my rock, whether he likes it or not! Chin up. Xx

Oh dear, thank you so much for replying @Proudofitbabe ! I haven't been checking MN for a couple of days as I didn't think anyone would actually reply to my post. It is so depressing not to have anyone to properly vent to. Just to pick up a phone and talk about all the random stuff that has happened. Anyway, thank you for replying. I really appreciate it

I think the reason you haven't had many replies is because you have posted in an area of Mumsnet that isn't used very often. Please don't take it personally!

I'm absolutely not taking it personally! I'm genuinely grateful that someone replied at all. IRL people only vent to me, but there's never space for me to say something so I expected the same to happen here. My post was such a random one that I didn't know where to put it...

I think if you posted elsewhere, possibly Chat (probably wouldn't recommend ABU!) you might get more traffic. There's actually some really lovely posters on MN who would be more than happy to listen to you and offer advice (or just be here for you). Sorry you're having a tough time.

Definitely post elsewhere on chat for example you’ll get more responses there

although this has now been bumped into active convos hopefully you’ll pick up some responses

And also I get you re your mum with the drifting off thing mine does the same so I rarely bother then am accused of “ never talking to her about things “ 😂 can’t win

Thank you @danceyourselfdizzy1 and @Changemaname1 re the chat section recommendation. It does make sense, I haven't posted much on MN so that's good to know. Every day is a school day...

@Changemaname1 My mum doesn't even realise how much I'm not telling her. She's lovely but I think that her drifting off and my feeling of not being heard (literally) has made me unwilling to share my thoughts with other people. Even in primary school friends would come to me for advice/venting session but there was no reciprocity. Partly because I was wary of saying something and not being heard, and partly because I somehow almost always ended up being the listener in my friendships. For some reason over the past two years I've started really (painfully) missing having someone to vent to. Although I'm not sure I can miss something I never really had.

Yes I always seem to be the one people come to as well but in part with me that’s because I used to bottle things up and it took me until into my 30s to be able to talk about my problems with others

I often find searching online ( Mumsnet mainly ) to see if other people have had a similar issue helpful it’s not quite the same as talking to someone but often find very good advice !

You could ask mumsnet to get this moved to the Chat section for more traffic… but meanwhile please vent away.
Is it anything in particular?
We have broad shoulders around here!

@BananaPalm
Same situation here... cannot fault my DH, or my work team (just 3 of us) but it can still be lonely not having any to vent/chat too

Thanks so much to all of you who replied! I really appreciate it. It’s tough when there’s no one to listen to your stuff… I know it’s partly my “fault” as I don’t open up easily. Mainly because I feel that my problems will be boring/irrelevant to other people. And unfortunately my experience of people not properly listening to me in 90% of cases just keeps confirming it. Maybe I’m just simply boring or maybe there are very few good listeners out there…