Lack of children on our estate for dd

[Thislife55555]

Wasn't sure where to put this. I came from a busy area close to town, not exp but I had a great childhood as there were so many children nearby. It wasn't though without its issues with a dodgy neighbour nearby causing a lot of noise at night and we were broken in to once. Despite this I have very fond memories of the children I made friends with as many mums were sahm and most people got on fine, it wasn't a council estate where some of my cousins lived
And tbh they had even more children and the neighbours were mostly really lovely! Due to many issues we had as I got to early 20s living there When it came to buying my own house I moved away from that area to a slightly more exp area where it was quieter, my mum hated it living where we did due to the worry of break ins and the noise was awful at times. As a child we don't have these worries like my mum did and see it selfishly I suppose from our own view point, issue I have though now is it is so quiet where we are and we hardly see many children out playing if ever, we have a 3.5 yo daughter now so I'm concerned about the lack of children community around us as we aren't a big family either. There is only one girl in our
Street but she is only age 1, there are a few established very old people here also who aren't in a rush to move out so it doesn't look like any young families will be moving here soon! I grew up where there was always a lot going on and hearing kids playing in nearby gardens in summer, I miss this for my daughter, it isn't like that where we are. I suppose I miss the sort of closer community you get in the areas we lived before and the area my friend lives on which is a council estate with very friendly neighbours. I think more exp areas need people to work to pay the mortgage and most mums work at least part time as I do myself and some older people stay in to retirement. So kids being out is more fleeting as people are on differnt schedules. I have tried to think about other possible areas we could move to but feeling like they'll all be pretty similar and no guarantee. I had a difficult birth and issues since we had her and really would like to give her a sibling but worried I might not make it through the pregnancy so it's a huge risk, jjsy so gutted for her as I always planned to have 2 so she'd at least have a sibling as we don't have bigger families and cousins for her to play with. We do a lot of meet ups where we can and she does go to nursery 3 days and school soon but I'm worried about half terms. I was born in 86 so my childhood was possibly very differnt to what it's like for kids today whicu im still working out how that is for kids today. Maybe they don't play out like we did, perhaps this is more common on less exp estates and council places, is this normal for working families 🤦‍♀️

I think children playing out unsupervised is less common now that in was in the 80s/ 90s for various reasons - more cars on the road, more awareness of ‘stranger danger’, not as many SAHPs so children are in childcare after school. And as fewer people let their children play out, it becomes less acceptable/ normal.

It also depends on the area you live in - village vs town vs city, cul de sacs with green space vs through roads. And, of course, how many children there are around.

I agree that there is a class element as well - in my anecdotal experience, the areas near me with children playing out tend to be the cheaper areas including council estates.

Age is also a factor - round here, the children out on their own seem to be over 8 at least. If I saw a 5 year old playing out on their own (no parent supervising), I’d be extremely concerned as that is neglectful parenting to me.

Regarding school holidays, if you are working then your DD will be in childcare, meaning there will be other children there to play with. And as your daughter gets older, more families might move in to your area.

@EllieQ

Thank you for replying. I have become so worried for her about this.

I agree I don't think there are as many sahp as there once was, it was def unique back then. Purely selfish I had an amazing childhood but my mum always was so worried about where we lived and hated the nosie of cars always racing round, as children it was interesting and being so close to town as a teenager was great but towns etc have changed they are in such decline.

I just have to accept life's changed and I suppose it's good children have other forms of communicating via SMedia etc.

We didn't play out ourselves until we were 8, There were some younger children but usually with older siblings and there were so many kiddos out then, do miss those days it helped me to create so many friendships as I was part of a smaller family but my daughter is even more so.

She will attend holiday club on the days when I'm having to work so she will have others to play with and I'll try to do fun stuff with her friends on my days off too, it's just so differnt to what I myself was used to, it's a lot to get my head around.

I am also going to keep investigating possible alternative new housing estates to try and find a better alternative for her wirh a few more families. Xx

I do sympathise. My DD is also an only child (not through choice) and we also have no family nearby so no cousins/ wider family to socialise with, so I feel like I have to make more of an effort with friends and play dates. It did change at school as there’s a playground nearby so a few of us take the children there after school, if the weather is good, and they can run around playing while the parents chat. There’s also more opportunities for play dates compared to nursery - where I found people collected at different times so you didn’t have the opportunity to chat to other parents.

It does sound as though you are looking back through rose-tinted glasses at your childhood - cars racing around, and the threat of burglaries and other crimes would not have been great for your mum to deal with. Parents want a safe, nice, area for their children to grow up in. Can you walk around in the evening without feeling scared? Are the roads safe? Are the schools good where you live? Those will all affect your quality of life more than being able to ‘play out’ with friends.

@EllieQ This is the other issue where we are there isn't a little play area but it's nowhere near the school, it is close to where we live but we rarely see many children there as it's such a tiny park. Hopefully it'll all work out for now it's a lot for us to move but it is something achievable in the near future if needed.

Just never expected for this to come under the spotlight for me as it has. 🤦‍♀️ xx