Christmas Day - help!

[Ellis8616]

Hi all

A bit of advice needed please :-)

I’m divorced with 2 children (6 and 8). I am in a relationship with someone and have been for the past 2 years. I have taken it very slowly but he has met the children and spent time with them but we don’t live together. I’ve also introduced him to my parents.

For Christmas, my mum has invited me and the children over, as well as my sister, her other half and their 2 children but she hasn’t mentioned my partner. As you don’t know my mum and the ins and outs of how she can be, this won’t be because she doesn’t feel she has to specifically mention him. I want to bring it up with her as I really want to include my partner but it’s really hard because she has a habit of shutting me down and my gut is saying she doesn’t want him here on Christmas Day. There is no reason to exclude him, he is a good person, there hasn’t been any falling out or anything like that.

Ultimately, I feel like I’ll be left making a choice about where I spend Christmas - and both options will leave me sad because I don’t want to spend Christmas apart from my other half or my family.

How would you approach this?

What does your think he is partner doing for Christmas?

Is having Christmas Day with him and your kids at your house an option? Is that what you want to do?

Why wouldn't you mention it to your mum?

Lots of people have to choose which bits of the family they see on xmas day because of logistics or politics. Most get around by using the other days and rotating each year

My other half doesn’t have any family locally so will spend it alone if not with us.

I haven’t planned to spend Christmas at mine, it would be an option but it’s not what I want to do and my children always have a lovely time seeing their grandparents and cousins etc. For me, Christmas is about family and the more the merrier!

It is difficult to explain why I haven’t mentioned it to my mum, I suppose years of having to keep quiet when I think it’s something she won’t approve of? She invited my ex husband on Christmas Day as I think she thinks that’s the ‘right thing’ whereas I don’t think she approves that I’m in a relationship with someone who isn’t the children’s’ dad?

I absolutely understand that Christmas can be very fragmented for lots of people eg my children will be with their dad and his family from Boxing Day. But it has never been that way for my family and nothing has happened to cause problems that would mean we have to spend it apart?

So is your ex going to be there on Christmas Day?

I would straight out ask your mother if your partner can be included on Christmas Day. If she says no then politely decline and do Christmas at home.

No he has declined but my mum did call him to invite him.

I think that’s probably why I haven’t addressed it with my mum yet - my gut feeling is that she’ll say my partner isn’t invited. Then that puts me in a situation where I will be choosing him over them etc and that won’t go down too well. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t be able to celebrate together though! I think it’s because my partner isn’t the father of my children so not seen as ‘family’.