I didn't want to put this in the depression threads as that sounds serious, I just wanted some advice please.
Back in November I started to feel sick, a doctor told me it was a viral infection. It carried on til 15th Dec when I was admitted to hospital with complete loss of feeling down one side of my body, and at one point the doctors were not sure whether I'd had a stroke, or worse, as they sent me off for a CT scan.
I spend two lousy nights in hospital, was discharged with hemipligic migraines and told that I was "all better".
Through December saw two emergency doctors for the symptoms - severe migraine, all day long vomiting, inability to function / get of out bed / keep a conversation / find the right word. This carried on in Jan when it seemed to ease up by the end of the second week.
Sorry, that is just background. Basically when I started feeling better, I also started to feel out of sorts with myself. I've had periods of lows before, never very bad, but as a teenager I used to self harm. I have tried talking to my husband and family about how I feel, which is hard because I cannot put it into words anyway, but basically I was really frightened through Dec that I was going to die, and in hospital I remember trying to tell my mum that she must make sure my daughter knew how much I loved her if anything happened to me, and various other snippets like that. I know it wasn't a near death experience in that I had to be brought back to life, but I remember being frightened.
Everytime I think about it, it weighs on my mind and I feel the urge to cut. I haven't done it in so long, but its like my body knows that it is the release I want. I dont want to cut, I have never spoken to anybody in my family about the fact I used to self harm, and they have never given any indication that they knew, so it isnt like I can say anything to them.
Sorry for rambling. I dont even know why I am posting really.