Estranged SIL - should I get her new baby a gift

[catmcm88]

Hoping I can get some help/advice.

My husband has a very problematic relationship with his Mum and Sister - without boring everyone with the back and forth, his mother is a textbook narcissist with my DH as the scapegoat and sister as golden child. The wider family is a network of triangulation and shallow/money orientated focus and competitiveness.

Over the last 2 years his sister and DH have fallen out with the final mail in the coffin being that they came to our wedding bit declined to give us a card or gift due to the fact that it was "too upsetting for her to do so" despite staying until the bitter end and enjoying the free bar! This is also after declining to accept our wedding gift for their wedding last year.

Suffice to say it is an estrangement with my DH mum and wider family firmly on her side.

She is now pregnant and I would always get a card and gift for any child born into mine or his family as my attitude is it is kind and also it is not the child's fault that this is the situation.

Is it a bad idea to send a small gift; outfit or voucher and card for the new baby? As well as feeling like this is the "right way to behave" whether you get it back or not, I don't want yet another stick for his family to beat him with if he wasn't to send something or acknowledge the new arrival.

I have 3x siblings, 2x are married in the last few years- Neither of us siblings got the new married couples a gift but did get cards, we dont do xmas gifts for sibling or nieces/nephews though either- We meet up a few days before with the kids at local soft play though (with 1 sibling we do this often)
When babies have been born, we all have given a small gift or card....., accept 1 x sibling- who doesnt, this particular sibling doesn't acknowledge any of my baby news though or recent engagement, I get on with him the least due to other reasons- It doesnt bother me he doesnt give gifts or cards.
I have though congratulated him and got his babies a gift and card everytime because as you said, its not the childs fault.

I'd personally maybe stick to just sending a card and gift for a new baby.

I would send a token, it's taking the high road isn't it.

@JenniferBarkley @Cats23

Agreed! I think something for the baby only is a nice thing to do. If she chooses to throw it in the bin that is her choice but I know we have done the right thing.

Don't get anything personalised, if it is sent back you can regift. But not sending anything is as you point out another stick for them to beat you with.

Yes, you show that you are the bigger person. A card for the baby and a gift card/ nice blanket/ baby towel/ soft toy - no outfit for her to pass judgement on/ sent back.