Awful in laws :(

[ellieeex]

Hello all! So me and my partner have been together for 5 years. We fell pregnant at 16 with nothing behind us. Now we have 2 beautiful boys and a house and we're engaged both with jobs! We have just fell pregnant again and we're over the moon as it only took us 2 tries! We are 21, my partner has really strict parents and has always been a sneaky child with them growing up. Both times we told his mum we were pregnant it was just horrific and had completely negative responses from them. His mum didn't want to know me with our first baby but once i gave birth she wanted to know! :/ Anyway... to the point... i feel really bad as my partner has said if they don't give us a good reaction with this baby he's gonna be gutted as this baby is so wanted as were our last babies. He's going to have a really hard time to build up the courage to tell them. My family are easy to tell and there's no issue with them. But his family are just different and will make it into a negative thing when we are genuinely happy that we are growing our family. It really angers me that it makes my partner so nervous and upset to tell them, we know they won't be happy for us. I just needed a rant or to hear anyone else's experiences with awful in laws cos i've just had it!

Hi @ellieeex Congratulations. I think you have to walk in their shoes. They are not awful, they are worried and concerned. You are both so so young. You are clearly doing a brilliant job with your work and family - well done to you both but as you get older, you will realise what huge risks you are taking - almost the too much too soon. I know you don't think that now and certainly when I got married at 24, I wouldn't have done but now, in my 50s I think 'bloody hell I was ridiculously young!' I'm still married btw.

So, turn this on its head. They are probs thinking three kids before aged 22 is pretty fast on the adulting front when a lot of people their son's age are not encumbered with this level of responsibility. They are worried that he is limiting himself. Now he and you may very well not think that and clearly you are doing really well but there is no doubt that three kids is a tie. Also, he sounds like a good chap - he has a good work ethic, takes his responsibilities seriously and you are still very much in love. They did have a hand in the person he is so obviously become so celebrate that.

Unless they are verbally sniping at you and being outwardly horrible, I would try and engage with them on their level with their interests and excessive shows of your own level headedness and competency. You need to prove that their precious bundle has landed on his feet with you. Always best to try and think what the adversary is thinking - it will be a long game.

Good luck.

KathieFerrars gives good advice.

Also, it may be that his parents are worried if they have had to financially support you both in any way. I have a colleague whose son is much much older than you, but she is paying a fortune out when he gets his girlfriend pregnant because they are not properly established yet.

It's really frustrating because money wise, we are financially stable my partner runs a business and makes really good money so we have no worries about that. His parents just have never been happy for us whereas my parents have been every single time!

I know what you're saying from your perspective, i do get it. But it's really horrible for me to watch my partner not be able to tell his parents anything as they will just always be disappointed! My parents have been so supportive and happy for us each time! It's not like we live at home anymore, my partner has his own business which does really well and yet his parents still criticise him over everything he does and it's not fair. I wish his parents were just a bit easier in that sense

I suppose its just that they didnt expect him to become a dad so young. They need to get over it and think of the positives...you will be 39 and all your children will be adults!! You will still be so young.

If i were you, id try to keep them on side though. They will come round eventually.