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My controlling mother

3 replies

LololaLo2012 · 25/10/2022 20:53

Me (34) and husband (37) have three children (6, 4 and 2 years)

Back story. My family live a 3 hour drive away which we are more than happy to travel down at the end of each school half term, with my parent coming in the middle of the term time. So we basically see them ever 3 weeks for around 3 nights and 2 days. I personally think it this is lovely and we all make a strong effort and I am more that happy with the amount we see each other.

My mother on the other hand is constantly making digs that we need to go to her more. She really had a go at me about the last time we were there was so long ago and why are we only staying for 3 nights why are we leaving Sunday night, why can’t husband work from theirs on Monday.

It’s half term here and I wanted to do some activities with my kids when I’m off with them. Not that I actually need to explain myself.

I have previously explained with 2 children at school, children's actives and birthday parties and myself now back to working 2 days a week it’s too much to do on a Friday and return on a Sunday. Also, packing the car/unloading the car, x5 loads of washing when I get home is all just too much at the moment.
Obviously if there is something special happening we would see how we feel and make the right decision for ourselves and the children. Like my sister 30th - we made the trip obviously!!

We call and talk most days/every other day. FaceTime the kids - which both my parents hate because the kids are just not that interested in talking to them. I explain that they are young and after a quick hello and chat about what they having be up to they are gone.

I’ve kept my cool until the other day when she really starting moaning how she misses the children. I just lost it with her and told her exactly how I feel that the more she goes on the less I actually care/want to spent time with here! I do understand I really do but I don’t know what more I can do!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/10/2022 20:57

Presumably your Mum doesn't have her own life outside her DC?

Does she just want to be the centre of attention or want sympathy?

Mischance · 25/10/2022 21:03

You are doing more than enough. Is she on her own?

I am on my own now and it is hard to be apart from my AC, but we communicate loads on Whatsapp and via online scrabble etc. It is easy for them to fit this in with their busy lives. And I am very busy with friends and activities and make sure they know that.

Do not feel bad - you are doing all you can. I know you lost it the other day but please forgive yourself - I am sure I would have lost it before now!

Awesomeo · 25/10/2022 21:04

That's loads of visits considering the distance.

I'd tell them you'll now only be able to visit Christmas and summer, but she's welcome to visit you more often.

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