My question is about the actions of an old friend, I've known since late teens. Her and husband have been in my life for 35 years. Before I say what, she did which has caused further problems with myself and my children, I need to explain a complicated situation. Sorry for how complex it is!
After re -marrying 6 years ago I've found myself in a difficult situation. My mum didn't like my husband, she'd decided that before she met him. The girls liked him until we got married and lived together. I split with their father 15 years ago and the relationship between him and my children was not good into their teens, I encouraged them to see him as I thought it was the right thing to do. My own relationship with my mother I would describe as difficult. Both my parents dote on their grandchildren and supported them a lot, they didn't like their father.
Anyway 2 years ago we had a house fire in the night which resulted in us having to live with our respective parents. During the 3 months I was living at my parents with my teenagers (they have 5 bedrooms so not cramped) my Mum stopped talking to me, saying I hadn't put the children first by being with my husband. Before the fire the atmosphere in my own home had become strained between my children, my husband and myself. My eldest daughter, went to University. The youngest hit puberty, went from confident, to anxious, to self -harming, she also missed her sister. The eldest, with whom I clashed, came home quit after 1 year at university. She moved to a degree nearer home. I gave her lots of freedom; she had her boyfriend and friends over all the time. I lost my job which caused me to suffer from a bout of major depression. My eldest seemed angry at me...I got help via Camhs for my younger daughter. Then we had a bad house fire. After the house was made safe, my husband and I had to clean and re-decorate everything, every item either thrown away or washed/cleaned. It was a v difficult time (I forgot to pay the insurance) My mother would not let me wash my clothes at her home! Luckily, some kind people washed all mine and my children's clothes, bedding curtains etc. for me.
The girls decided not to move back home, got a rent by themselves because of dislike of my husband. My mother just cut me off, dis-inherited me (She has done this to my brother, no reason for this) I was in despair about the girls, so I suggested that my husband and I live apart and I try to mend the relationship with my children. We brought separate homes but when Covid hit in 2020, I temporarily lived with my husband, he supported me in many ways, our relationship grew. In 2021, the girls decided to cut me off altogether saying it was because I still see my husband. I currently text them to say I love them every week, buy presents and send them regular money. They are being supported by my parents. Early summer 2023, I visited my kids house to knock and leave straberries, for the first time in 18 months my youngest child came out and started crying and hugged me, she wanted to know if I was living apart from my husband. I was hopeful from that encounter.
Back to my friend. She knows the situation with my children and how much it hurts me. In the summer of 2023, my husband and I decided to go on holiday together, we no longer live together. I asked my friend to feed the cat on the first day only, as the next-door neighbor was doing the rest of the week. I did not inform my parents or children. During that week, during the heatwave, my long- term friend texted my youngest child and asked them when I was coming back from my holiday because she was worried about the cat.
It is not my friends fault my children don't speak to me but I can't see why she texted my children about the cat, letting them know I was on holiday, unless to cause trouble. On my return from holiday, she didn't tell me she'd contacted the girls. A week later I called my Dad, who will speak to me when he is allowed, he told me that my friend had texted the children and they knew I was on holiday with my husband. So any hope for re-starting a relationship with my youngest gone for now!
I had a conversation with my friend asked why she had texted them, she said she'd texted me too but due to problems with my phone I didn't have it on. After the conversation she texted me to tell me to enjoy my life. I did text her to say that I'd give her the benefit and that she was just worried about the cat. Since she has blanked me, maybe I got it wrong. My daughters don't drive they couldn't help the cat and the neighbor was there anyway. AIBU??