When I was 15-17 I was a rebel teenager x 10.
When I was 15 I met this boy abroad. I live in X (European country) and he lived in Y (non-European country). He is 7 years older I am. Not illegal in X or Y, and at first I told him I was older, he didn’t know the truth until months later.
We got into a relationship and I saw him when I was in Y.
He was very emotionally unstable, crying a lot. He would hit me (slap me in my face, push me, hit my legs with his fists), threathen to kill me and treathen me with throwing an ashtray at me and with a small kitchen knife, he would lock me up, he was insanely jealous and would think I was looking at guys I hadn’t even noticed, he would also always joke about other girls body and that I had “melons” and the other girls had “apples” and it could be fun to change, etc. He would sometimes say it is good I was young so he can shape me how he wants, that women are like children, etc. He had scars all over his arm from before me, I think he had been cutting himself once.
I got pregnant at 17, and with that I got my brain back. He hit me with a belt when I was 8 weeks pregnant and I left. I was in X and he was in Y. He couldn’t legally go to X.
I gave birth at 18. I was alone during my pregnancy. And me and Z (our child) did great. It was a good time.
Then I lost some of my brain again and met him in a third country, he saw Z for the first time and we were there for 10 days.
Then I went back to X. But then he came to X, we tried a little bit, but he was still very jealous, he had also started smoking weed and drinking a lot (he didn’t before). He was in X illegally, so he went to another country in Europe. Before he left X, I had left him. In the time before he left he was stalking me, he climbed up on my balcony, he hit his head hard into the wall in front of me and Z, he hit his hard so hard that he was bleeding and nearly passed out for a few seconds.
So he left the country and everything was good, until now. Z is big, in school. I am done with my bachelor in a few months, I have hobbies, I am working, good relationships with family and friends. I have been in therapy. Life is (mostly) good. I also have a 4 year old with my now husband, and my husband has taken Z as his own.
Now my ex is in another country in Europe. Don’t know what he is doing or if he is there legally or illegally. We don’t have contact. But he just wrote now that he is coming, that he wants to see Z and that the 4 year old I have with my husband is his. I replied no, and the four year old doesn’t even look like him and the dates there is no way it is possible, not the slightest doubt. He said he is coming and that it is the last time asking in a nice way, then he blocked me.
I am like what the what now. So confused. Can he just come into Z’s life now when he almost never has been a part of it. It is too messed up and I don’t know what to do. He is on the birth certificate, but I have the custody alone. Also it annoys me he says I lie and that me and my husband’s child is his child. I am scared if he will do something to me or family, I am scared he will find me or family or try to abduct Z.
I wrote him a statement that we don’t have any agreement, he blocked me, so I wrote his wife to forward it (or friend or ex, I don’t know what she is to him) she is from another european country and said was going to visit him in another european country soon, but she doesn’t know if they will meet because he has been acting strange lately (just the way he talks and acts, he has never hit her though).
So that’s it. But I don’t know if I should just relax or start to take my precautions, I also feel like I really messed up and no matter what I do it isn’t quite right. But I don’t want him near me and I don’t know what I can do now to prevent it? Also gonna contact a lawyer. Once he applied for visation when he was still in another EU country, but he didn’t show up for the meeting/cancelled, that was years ago.