I have been married for 22 years. Our marriage has had its ups and downs. To be honest it's mainly been downs. My husband has a very big ego and in my opinion has a serious inferiority complex. He likes to be praised and he generally steers towards people who tell him how great he is. We both work full time and he also has a few businesses which he has people working for him and sometimes does the jobs himself. He earns about 3 times what I earn and I earn a decent salary. I pay the bills as they go through DD from my account and he gives me half of the money every month. I do have to nag him to transfer me the money every month and usually it’s less than the amount he is supposed to give. I also do most of the grocery shopping and he occasionally does some shopping. He has a good amount of money saved up and has a very decent amount coming in every month. I do ALL the housework and he may very occasionally contribute by washing up what’s in the sink etc. I cook and clean and work full time. I take the lions share of responsibility for our daughter and took the whole summer hols off to spend time with her and arranged days out etc. my husband always expects me to help him with his business stuff. It could be small things like writing an email to a supplier, or sending a text chasing payment etc. I don’t want to do anything regarding his business as I don’t get any benefit from it. Any money he makes goes straight to his savings. We are/were going to buy a house as the one we are living in is not big enough for us. He wants me to contribute 50% for everything. Although he earns about 3 times what I earn. I can see this is unfair as I run the house and work full time therefore leaving him free to get on with his work and business without anyone/anything distracting him. However I was still willing to do this as I really want to move. I will just about have enough in savings to cover this. The main issue is how he treats me. He shows absolutely no appreciation for everything I do. He thinks I have the easier side of things as I am not running a business whilst working full time. When he doesn’t get his own way he will swear at me and make fun of my appearance/weight and call me obscene names. After incidents like these - we stop talking for a while and eventually he tries to make up and says to forget everything. He apologises for getting angry but not for what he said and done. I have become a different person since I married him. I have lost my sparkle and I have gained about 4/5 stones in weight. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I rarely make an effort anymore and don’t have any interest in anything. I also have a few underlying health conditions that make me extremely tired and he has no sympathy/empathy for this. He expects sex on demand anytime though out the day and gets very angry when I say not now.
I don’t know if I want to stay with him anymore. My brain is telling me that he won’t ever change as this has been happening on and off for the last 22 years. I don’t know if I have the guts to ask him to leave. The house we live in is owned by me and is in my sole name. If he leaves I won’t be able to afford to move - but I may have peace of mind. My dilemma is do I continue to put up with this or do I ask him to leave and continue to live in this house which isn’t big enough for all of us. I have 3 children altogether but the older 2 are adults and mainly do their own thing. I’m scared of loneliness when getting older. When we are getting on, we do get on and can chat for ages and generally get on ok. I think it’s it’s ego and complexity problem that is the main problem. He cannot see any wrong in what he does.