Do we move out of London?

[ibis17]

I’m not sure if this is the right thread… but would appreciate any thoughts!

My partner, our two year old and I live in a tiny rental house in the Barnes area of London, and have done for over 10 years. We love our area, and love London - tbh the idea of leaving is terrifying.

However, I grew up deep in the rural south west and my partner is a biologist and loves nature. More urgently, we are fast outgrowing our house, which has no garden and basically no kitchen (picture a cooker in a walk in cupboard). I’m aware that once our daughter starts school (anc we are trying for a second baby) we will be bursting at the seams. Things like play dates will be really tricky with the space we have.

We are not on huge salaries and there is no way we could afford to buy in our current area or anywhere nearby. We survive on a very low and lucky rent deal - this is another aspect that makes moving hard - once we are gone there is no return option as we will be priced out when
we leave our current rental (and we have rental security for as long as we are here).

We have been looking at Bath (near my parents), the very edges of London and Oxford, but are leaning towards Oxford.

Sorry - very long lead in, but my question is, how have others found leaving London (or any large city) for somewhere smaller? Do we go super rural for the space or smaller city for a bit of continuity? Or do we continue to live in a small home to soak up the plus sides of London? Has anyone moved and been miserable?

If it helps, these are the aspects we love about where we live now that we are scared of giving up:

accessibility of galleries
nearby arts cinema
great gym/ swimming options
the river
friends (although most live an hour away!)
the general restaurant/ cafe city buzz
diversity
we have found it easier to meet people we connect with - I was very lonely growing up in the countryside (quite bookish and awkward/ shy)
theatre
brilliant parks and green spaces nearby

We both have work situations that with some effort could work within 1.5 hours of London so there is some flexibility there.

Bottom line is that as our baby grows into a toddler, we are aware that we’re not providing a ‘conventional’ childhood - we are still living in the way we did pre children in many ways and we feel she might have more opportunity out of the city??? (Although I really go back and forward on this as at the moment she loves where we live)…

any thoughts really appreciated!

Oxford is very very expensive. How about one of the nearby towns instead like Bicester or Banbury? Town enough to have decent facilities, near enough to countryside for nature and near enough to get to Oxford (or London/Birmingham by train).

Can you both work anywhere? Why not go north - Leeds or Newcastle or Glasgow where you have city culture but also more nature and cheaper house prices.

Sorry not much advice on where to move etc but best thing I ever did was move out of London. I grew up in Richmond and honestly couldn't wait to leave. Yes lovely area etc (I'm a nanny and worked alot in barnes) but really the price of living is not worth it. We moved to farnborough still close by for work etc. We have a bigger house..huge garden and parks/green areas everywhere. My brother moved to Bath from Richmond he also said the best thing he's ever done. I'm now 11 weeks pregnant and have a 7 year old...and in the future I might even move abit further out. People rave on about London being the best etc...maybe when your childless. But I wanted more for my son and the prices in London well it just wasn't working for us. Sometimes leaving your comfort zone and starting fresh is the best thing u could ever do! Xx

Can’t you look at another part of London- budget?

Bristol ticks all your boxes

Oxford city is very expensive. The university buys up huge amounts of properties and anything else is landlords going for the student market. Surrounding villages are also expensive and if you head south into Thames valley prices are equally high.

what are your long term plans? Are you hoping to buy?

Where do you need to be for work?

Have you looked at Bristol?

Living in London can be really fun, but in honesty you can't afford it if you plan to have two children. Soon you will be taking schools in account also - lots of good primary schools across London, but come secondary it is much harder to afford a house in a good secondary school area.

If you're not on high salaries (and don't have local authority housing) I really, really don't think the housing costs are worth it.

So I'd focus on choosing where to move to. A big question is do you need to stay close to London? Do you have careers that can be done anywhere in the country? Anywhere commutable to London attracts such a premium that it may be better to move far away.

There are lots of vibrant interesting cities in the UK which would be more affordable, and give better countryside access.

What's the budget ?

Parts of Bristol and Bath are as expensive as parts of London (I live between the two cities).

Bath has every single thing on your list. It’s a beautiful city, but it does depend on your budget and how much you can afford to spend
You will enjoy the safety, cleanliness and cultural options and countryside on the doorstep.

Bath and Oxford are REALLY expensive. Bristol would tick your boxes-was there this afternoon and thought what a great place it is to live-though parts are getting v ££ and the property market there is madness.

How cheap is your rental? How many bedrooms do you have? If you move will you be renting or buying? Which primaries are you in the catchment for? I think living in a cheap small house is actually a very good idea (and friends abroad in cities live much more like this).

If your next baby is a boy you are really going to need separate bedrooms for your children by secondary which might help give you a timescale.

However, you will be giving up a great deal if you leave (saying as someone who did leave!) as you point out especially if you struggle to make friends. This is one of the hardest things I have found and I just haven't connected with people in the same way that I did in London (also bookish etc.). There also just isn't the number and ease of accessing cultural experiences (and so many free!) outside London.

If you do move, just before primary or in the first year or so is probably best in terms of building a network in the community (especially if rural). It gets harder and harder after that....

I do wonder whether some of the places mentioned are nearly as expensive as London without the advantages. You will struggle to replicate the quality of galleries, theatre, and diversity in any of the places you mention. The other things on your list are probably easier to find in Bath or Oxford. Might moving to the edge of London be the best compromise? Then you'll still have access to the things you value. It's also worth thinking about whether you'll want to do a 1.5 hour commute even once or twice a week if you have two small children (plus the cost of the commute).

Re-reading your OP, it sounds like you are thinking of moving because you "should" rather than because you want to. In your shoes, I wouldn't leave London /environs unless you have had enough of it (and I live happily in one of the places mentioned on this thread).

Bristol is similar to London prices but with smaller gardens!! Great city though, maybe something out in the suburbs, but if you’ve lived near things that might be hard for you.

I moved to a village. I miss the convenience of London/a town but I love the space, quiet and sense of community. It's fab for the children. Our area is an hour from London but still v expensive so if we wanted we could go back but we won't. We visit London but it's just not as good with our children at the moment- I miss my child free adult life there more than anything. The friends who stayed in London have relatively big town houses and that works for them but they are in areas where their money goes further than Barnes!
Moving out when on/just before your 2nd mat leave allows you time to get to know the area and meet people @ baby groups etc.

I live in ealing, I won’t ever leave. All the ‘move out to commuter towns’ mates have gone and I have a really great gang of London type friends who are here for the duration. I won’t leave until I retire but I have bought a house. I love London and couldn’t live in the countryside. I could live in Bristol but in the bits I’d be prepared to live in, I’m not sure it’s hugely cheaper. Good luck whatever you choose but be aware, if you go you’ll struggle to return.

Hi @ibis17 your list of all the things you love and don't want to give up was great.

What might be more useful to you in helping you decide where to go is a list of all the things you don't love, and wouldn't miss.

I second being wary of giving up your friends and social life - it’s not straight forward to find that everywhere.

I moved out of London with my son due to the housing costs. Really regret it though, my son was uprooted from friends and I took for granted many things about London, and living in an area where most people had migrated there from all over the world in retrospect was amazing. Where we are now I am enjoying the countryside but it is more Little Britain. I am amazed that people think its a good idea to give me a dirty look because I can't afford nice clothes for example, whats with that? Anyway if you can afford Oxford then I would say it makes sense to look more at outer zones. How about Cheshunt? You can still buy a 2 bed there with a garden for £270, 000. You would need to make sure in catchment for a feeder primary to Goffs academy.

Thanks so much everyone, this is really helpful and great food for thought. Not sure where to start on replies - so many good points.

at the moment we have a 3 bed with very minimal reception space (one very small living room/ kitchen area). I should have mentioned in my previous post, but being near a wild (ish) green space is very high on our priorities. We spend so much time in Richmond Park. We have also been very spoiled with a good, vibrant high street very nearby (cinema, bookshop, theatre). For these two reasons we were thinking of Oxford rather than another part of London. All the London areas we’ve looked at in our price range would mean a bit of an adjustment on these two things. We feel if we do move because we’re happy where we are we want to try and balance out the ‘you win/ you lose’ equation.

I grew up near Bristol so going back is complicated for me - wasn’t the best time of life.

Our parents live in the south west and my partner would need to maintain links with London for work - although has a very flexible wfh arrangement - which is why we haven’t looked at northern cities (very aware this is our loss!)

Its good to hear some personal experiences of people who have made a move from a big city… I used to live in Cambridge and loved it so wondered if Oxford might provide a similar mix of smaller city/ a bit more space but still very pretty, vibrant, good intellectual life - lectures, Cinema, exhibitions etc?? But agree it is very expensive still.

It sounds to me like you need to be in a city with a fast train line to London, perhaps Chorlton or Didsbury in Manchester?

Bath is lovely but expensive. I live near Bristol which ticks all your boxes except proximity to London. Where I live it's full of families too, even got a beach.

Did you move?