Your help is really needed, meeting in 2 hours with boss and don't want to cry !

[Tillysmummy]

I posted this on another thread but realised the title was may not have implicated the urgency ! I don't know if I am the only one but before I had dd I used to be a fairly tough business woman but now it's a nightmare. I cry at everthing. On telly, at work. I am just soo emotional these days.

I am having a lot of work problems at the moment, they are trying to cut my salary, etc etc and it's all quite unpleasant, I have another meeting with my MD to discuss at 2pm and in the two previous meetings always ended up bursting into tears. I really dont' want to do that this pm because I know he thinks im doing it for sympathy but just thinking about it now makes me well up.

Any advice ladies, Im desperate !!! I dont' want to cry again but just know I will. Is it my hormones ? Why am I so emotional these days ?

Tillysmum

Have already posted a reply on the other thread.
Please have a look and post again if you need to "talk".

In order to keep composed try and talk as much as you can so that you are not left in the position of being talked at which can make you vulnerable.
Have you got a strong counter stance?

Perhaps you might have to remind your boss that if you are forced to resign as a result of these forced changes you will take him/her to an employment tribunal because of constructive dismissal.

Hope you manage to keep on top. You can do it. Think mad.

Hi KKgirl, thanks for replying I do need to chat really, I do feel a bit depressed about it all. I am generally so much more emotional since dd and I find it really hard in these types of meetings to control myself. In fact even thinking about it now makes me well up !!
It's ridiculous and im dreading it.

Hi Mears, I was mad yesterday and my dh is a lawyer and my dear brother an employment specialist barrister so I have legal advice coming out of my ears. When I thought I had a strong case I was much more angry and less upset but now I have been told that it would be difficult and I have a 50/50 of winning or losing because there is a situation where a company can make you redundant for 'good business reason' and that applies in my case. It is very iffy and not very clear cut. Also just before xmas don't know if we can cope with me being out of work. In fact financially we can't. They want to cut my salary quite significantly.

TillysMummy

I'm not surprised that you feel emotional with everything you are trying to balance and deal with.
I'll be thinking about you and hope that you can grit your teeth and get through the meeting.
Remember that even though they are trying to cut your salary and cause difficulties for you, that you are as good as they are and you will get through whatever happens.
I have been faced with some really difficult situations over the years, and am quite shy and lack confidence, but I'll tell you a secret. I pull myself up tall, imagine I am beautiful, and elegant, say like Claudia Schiffer or someone and imagine the person who is going to be in the confrontation in the nude!!!!!! It seems to bring it into perspective.
Post again soon

Good luck - it might help to write down a few notes, I always seem to think of good things I should have said hours after meetings.

Tillysmummy - had similar problems at work about a year, lots of very emotional meetings etc, resulting in me having time off. Helped A LOT to tell people and rant (you know who you are on here who helped me magnificently ) However, I found it helped me to make a list of questions the I would put TO THEM. YOU take charge of the meeting. I effectively interviewed my boss and achieved the result I wanted. I know this might not be the same for you but it made me feel in control which stopped the tears - I am a BIG cryer when under stress.

Besy of luck, I really feel for you.

But if they made you redundant for good business reasons, they would still hav to pay you redundancy money (which is tax free). If they really start sticking there heels in would it be worth taking the redundancy and finding another job? Easier said than done I know, but being in an such a stressful environment is not helping you.

If you think that breaking down and crying is doing you more harm (in terms of how you are perceived at work) than good, then if you feel yourself going, don't be afraid of saying "I am not able to continue this conversation at this point in time because I am extremely angry. I would like to continue this discussion at a point in the near future, but I don't think there is anything to be gained by either of us in my continuing to sit here". Get up and leave the office. Try saying this as calmly as you can so it isn't interpreted as a hissy fit. (Justified as one is, I know, but what you are trying to achieve is the impression that you are extremely angry, but you are sufficently professional to keep control).

I haven't got any advice as I would be in tears before I even got in the room, but am thinking of you and will be throughout your meeting.

PS

Go somewhere neutral - i.e. the ladies/ the canteen / the car park & not back to your desk, and have a damn good cry/shout/write abusive notes on paper (& rip them up after). This will help in reducing the adrenalin levels you will have drawn up.

Thanks for all the good advice, i will do my best to keep control. I'll let you know. 14 minutes to go - Im so nervous

PPS

I've just noticed that your DH is a lawyer and your brother an employment law barrister.

Could you make lots of notes, say as little as you humanly can, and then say "Well, as you will appreciate I would like to mull those points over and take some advice before responding".

Don't agree to anything in the heat of battle!

Hi Gumdrop, I certainly will be cautious as the only true advantage I have is being able to go to court and not worry about legal costs as it will all be free. I am going to try and be consilitary but if it doesn't work will have to resort to suing them but I dont' want to have to go through all this if can be avoided.

You go get em girl!

Tillysmummy, just come on here at 2.30pm, am thinking about you and hope you are OK. I know exactly what you mean about emotional since kids, I cried this week at Laundry Dr programme AND What not to Wear!!!

Looking forward to hearing how it went.

Thinking about you Tillysmummy. Let us know how it went.

Yippppeeeee ! It's all sorted, and girls, I didn't cry !!! I used the looking up at the ceiling and the imagining him naked (not a pretty thought) and managed to fight back the salties, stand firm and get a good compromise agreement.

Thanks all of you on both my threads, couldn't have done it without you xx

TillysMummy

Good for you. Glad the Naked thing worked.
Glad that you got a good compromise agreement.
I think it is great that Mumsnet is here, I wish I had found it earlier because you can say what you want and get support and advice from people who are removed from your situation and can see different angles.

Take care

Well done

Good for you Tillysmum, well done!

Well done!!