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Original poster

Friend is having a child-free wedding - what do we do with DS??

31 replies

itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 14:22

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few months. We live a couple of hundred miles away from them but would love to go to the wedding.
They have specified no young children and DS is a year old.
What would people recommend we do with regard to childcare? No grandparents available to look after DS.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 15/01/2008 14:24

Will you be staying at least one night? If so do you have a friend who could come too and look after ds in/around hotel whilst you are at wedding?

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 15/01/2008 14:39

You could try and get a baby sitter for your hotel room - it might be worth phoning the bride/groom to see if there's anyone else in the same position who you could share the cost with.

morningpaper · 15/01/2008 14:42

If your DS is a great sleeper then you could think about getting a babysitter or room listening service.

To be honest, I would just leave DH at home with DS and go by yourself.

Original poster
itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 14:50

Thanks for the suggestions. I have looked at the hotel's website and, whilst they cater for kiddies, they don't offer a listening service.
It's so frustrating - my mum lives a 10 minute drive from there but is away that weekend - she only goes away once a year and booked it 2 weeks ago and we heard about the wedding today. Sod's law, eh?

OP posts:
Blu · 15/01/2008 15:01

Go on your own and leave DS with his dad - if it is your freind. Otherwise have you any other family who would base themselves in your mum's house for the w/e and look after DS for you?
Send DS away with your mum?

juuule · 15/01/2008 15:02

I agree with the posters who say go on your own and leave ds with dh. That's what I would do. Either that or not go.

exbatt · 15/01/2008 15:04

I think in your situation you have two choices - no-one goes or you go on your own and leave your son with his dad. I totally support anyone's choice to specify a child-free wedding - it's their day - but equally that also means they might find some friends unable or unwilling to go on that basis. I'm sure your friend would understand either decision, especially given it's 200 miles from your home.

lulumama · 15/01/2008 15:04

you could register with sitters, and use one of their babysitters at the hotel? think they are all CRB checked, and often ex nannies etc..

LoveAngel · 15/01/2008 15:06

Agree with exbatt.

(mumbles something about 'blardy child-free stinking weddings'...grrrr)

MrsEi25 · 15/01/2008 15:11

i got married a few months ago and specified a 'no child' kind of rules for the sit down meal. i had so many people say they had to bring their children that we had to eventually change the rules and allow children. i would ask your friend how flexible she is TBH as it isnt possible to have all of your wedding guests be able to come and expect all of them to find childcare for the occaision IMO my day turned out to be amazing and i just suggested that the parents keep control over their children for the day (not that you wouldnt its just that one or two of my family members/guests have unruly and rather rude children so i was aiming that comment at them in an overall kind of way iyswim) but im sure if your friend was asked she might change her mind about it
xx ei xx

ConnorTraceptive · 15/01/2008 15:16

Personally I don't think it's fair to ask them if they will be flexible - it may put them in an awkward position.

It's fine to have a child free wedding as long as you are understanding that some guests won't be able to attend because of it

Original poster
itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 16:11

Oh yes I totally agree that they are allowed to specify child-free, and I am not at all annoyed by that. I just wanted suggestions about how we could go and get DS looked after.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 15/01/2008 16:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 16:20

Sadly we can't use my mum's house while she is away so we would be staying in the hotel (I presume). Shall sit down with DP and discuss which friends we might ask. It's funny because I wouldn't at all mind if a friend asked me but I feel awkward asking. At least we have a few months to sort it out in.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 15/01/2008 16:20

You could try ringing local childminders (local to the wedding perhaps you could all stay at your mums and the childminder could babysit there for you?) or she could babysit at the hotel.

I'm a childminder and someone once rang and asked me for this but I was ill otherwise I would have done it.

Original poster
itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 16:23

That's a good idea - it's on a Sunday but if we asked enough in advance we might be lucky. Is there a website to look childminders up nationally?

OP posts:
StillWaters · 15/01/2008 16:29

I went to a wedding on my own when ds1 was 1 as we didn't have childcare.

It was great actually. Felt like an adventure travelling on my own again, saw loasd of old friends, very relaxig.

Not better then with Dh but good because felt diferent IFSWIM.

I guess some Dh's may not like this though.

LoveMyGirls · 15/01/2008 16:34

see here for a list of childminders hth

nailpolish · 15/01/2008 16:35

rant

why would anyone have a childfree wedding? weddings are supposed to be family affairs are they not??

rant over

nailpolish · 15/01/2008 16:36

but on a more constructive note

i would go alone

treat it as a night out with your friends andyou will have lots fo fun

enjoy the long lie the next day too

JennaJ · 15/01/2008 17:14

Where abouts is the wedding...I often do hotel nanny work...

Jenna

cazboldy · 15/01/2008 17:20

tell your friend to shove it!

cazboldy · 15/01/2008 17:22

sorry that sounds a bit rude, i would give my apologies, and not go.

Original poster
itsahardknocklife · 15/01/2008 17:26

it's in Greenwich - expensive enough for hotel and travel down there (we're in Yorkshire) without the childcare on top. It'll probably be a fantastic wedding though and worth saving for!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 15/01/2008 17:35

I ouldn't personally feel comfortable using baby listening or a sitter I didn't know (even a professional sevrice so those wouldn't be options for me. And when DD was that age I wouldn't have been happy to leave her with friends overnight either - but I realise that is my own personal feeling and not everyone would feel the same.

If you are happy with firends for the night, start asking now nd he could even have a couple of trial runs leading up to it.

Or you could go alone - I'd find this really hard to do personally (but again more personal to me and others not likely to feel same I know).

Or you apologise and simply say you can't make it. If your friends have chosen a child-free wedding ten they must be prepared and accept that some guests may be unable to attend.