Help - difficult situation and birth announcement

[emskaboo]

Hi,

We've just had our son, three weeks old, and I am in the process of sending out birth announcements/belated Christmas cards. We have friends who had a stillborn daughter last year and I'm not sure what to do; I don't want to send a card and make them unhappy, but nor do I want to not send a card and make them feel excluded or weird, we have lots of friends in common and they will prob know we've sent cards to others.

Do I; send a card with a note inside mentioning their daughter, not mentioning their daughter, or do I just call them and have a chat?

Thanks.

Emskaboo

Send them the card announcing the birth, just like you've sent everyone else. I don't think a card can make them any more unhappy then they already are. I probably wouldn't ring them, that may be difficult.

I would call and chat. This might be easier than seeing it in black & white. I think it also very much depends on the couple and where they are with their grieving.

Depends on the couple. I would send them a card as you have to your other friends. Perhaps call a few days later and talk to them.

i would send teh card like you would do to anyone else - but also include a handwritten note asking how they are and saying you totally understand if they don't want to meet up straight away, but you'd love to see them. They must be very sad but life goes on and it's even worse to be excluded, imo. x

b) and c). They will realise other people will have baies - and presumably would have known about your pregnancy and may feel awkward if you left them out. I've never experience this but wold have thought they would want to be treated the same as your other firends, not tip-toed around. But do phone them too, not to tell about your babay but just for a chat and to see how they are.

treat thgem like everyone else. I felt hurt after my daughter was born brain damaged and people wouldn't tell me when they had healthy babies. I felt even more excluded from 'normal' than i did already.

friends who have lost babies have said one of the worst things is people not mentioning it.

I would send her a card, announcing your baby and say how it makes you sad to be thinking how she must be feeling.

And then ring in a couple of days time.

There is no way past it - they are grieving and sometimes that means they will be upset - and maybe it will be with you and maybe not - but if it is just be there for her.

Whatever you do please do talk about or mention their daughter. Not doing so will be very painful for them. They may well cry when you do so but it will worse if you do not acknowledge her.

Thank you everyone, that's really helpful. I'm going to send the card with a note and call for a chat.

Cheers