I am so fed up with life (no, I wont do anything to myself), i am just tired with everything and dont know how i am still going. Probably many ppl have worse situation but it doesnt lift me up or help.
My husband and I were ok. Saved for the house, deposit cost us much more, plus some furniture and other things cost more than expected and then got pregnant. 1 Year of being out of work (lets dont even count smp as it is shitty money) put us in worse financially position than we were and we used up most of the savings.
We are juggling my part time work (i returned to work 3 months ago) childcare, DH uses some holiday to take care of DS as childminder will have space for all the days i need from september. Had to get a car for me to be able to work (there is no chance for buses/trains commute where we live). We borrowed some money for a cheap car for a year, as the plan was we will pay it back, save, get our bearings straight and will invest in smth better. car turned out to be waste of money and had to get rid of it as it was not safe to drive. My DP came with some help and lend us £6k for something better so we dont need to stress and can take time to give back. On the top of that we have over £2k on the credit card and just £1k emergency savings which we dont touch. And DH just called his car broke down, smth to do with engine. We just spent £800 for some repair of that car…well technically have two more month to pay that back. DH works 1hr 15 mins away by car. His shifts are from 7am-7pm and 7pm-7am depends on rota. He has a place to stay while he is at work and he can easily use the train to commute from that place to work and come home on his days off by train, but he needs to take care of DS twice a week and wont make it if he has to take a train home from work, and usually when i am home after work he has to leave for a night shift after taking care of DS.
Sorry it is so chaotic. I am just venting. We are completely alone here, have no one to help, his parents are way too far, plus they have problems with us as we do our thing and don’t want to do what they want (long story, they treat us quite bad for the past year and it affect myself and mainly my husband), my parents cant help, dad has cancer which we know about for the past few months and he might have few months, year, or two left, mom barely copes with it and other issues, which worry me, i am every day in tears thinking of my dad. They are abroad but not too far so i try to visit with DS as often as i can.
Anyway, so much on our plate and now we lost the car, not worth to repair. I dont know what else to do, we cant borrow even more money now.