footballers who should have been characters in 19th century novels

[southeastastra]

copied from sport monthly in the observer :

1. Titus Bramble

Sturdy farmer wrongly accused of crime of passion.

1. Giles Barnes

Dogged inspector of farms such as Brambles.

1. Owen Hargreaves

Moody wanderer of adjacent moors.

1. Tom Huddlestone

Doughty yeoman, not a malicious bone in his body.

1. Hayden Mullins.

Village idiot

1. (Lord) Joleon Lescott

Impotent landowner.

1. Theo Walcott

Just down from Oxford.

1. Jonathan Woodgate.

Ardent, idealistic lawyer.

1. (Sir) Francis Jeffers

Sadistic aristocrat.

10. Matthew Etherington
    Sturdy farmer wrongly accused of crime of passion.

11. Darius Vassell
    Villanous philanderer, of dubious ethnic origins.

12. Joe Cole
    Impish chimney sweep.

13. Emile Heskey
    Explorer lost at sea.

14. Matthew Upson
    Humourless schoolmaster.

15. Joey Barton
    Returnee from Botany Bay.

16. James McFadden
    Presbyterian church warden, writer of pamphlets.

17. Peter Crouch
    Pursed-lipped clerk

18. Ashely Cole
    Much put-upon parson.

19. Gareth Bale
    Forlorn poet.

20. Carlos Bocanegra
    Iberian slave-trader, cuckolder of Lord Lescott.