Too many toys in our house!!

[zebra]

We have too many toys. Well, actually, birthday season is upon us followed hotly by Christmas. We have a large wardrobe packed with gifts for the kids, almost none of them from us.

One item (4 DS, 4 Xmas) is a little castle with toy people and cannons and bits (ARGOS catalog) and I'm thinking to give it away to charity or anyone. Because even though DS would love it, it's bulky, DS is getting a toy ship that's also little plastic people and cannons. So why does he need two such items? And our house is only so big and the kid has got 3 huge bags and a decent size box to open for his 3rd birthday, never mind the other stuff stowed for Christmas....

If both kids keep getting prezzies like this for the next 10 years, we won't have any space left in the house for the people.

Do you guys give your children's gifts away before they open them? Am I mean? I might flog castle at a NCT Nearly New Sale and put proceeds in DS's bank account. Also, last year MIL gave DS a very nice VTech alphabet toy (press buttons and it speaks letters). DH & I both hated this toy at sight. DS attacked it with mindless, obsessive, 2yo glee so it has been packed away in cupboard for almost a year, now. Should we get rid of it or do these toys really teach a child their letters & sounds?

I want to ask one of DS's relatives to pls. give a little money to charity in his name, instead, but I know they won't like it... or have any of you managed to do persuade your children's relatives to do that kind of thing? Am I being too mercenary with my kid's and "their" prezzies?

The castle & VTech toy are dilemnas because I reckon DS and his little friends & sister would all like them, just me & DH don't want the house to fill up with toys!!

And finally... the 1yo is starting to fight with the 3yo over toys. How in the world do you teach a 1yo to "share"??

I dislike the idea of these Vtech "educational" toys. I think they give naive parents the idea that playing with these toys can replace the far more valuable and fun experience of learning through talking/playing with parents. It's also been my experience that by the time a child can understand the horrible voice saying "star" or "three" or whatever they've already 2 plus and know their colours/numbers or whatever anyway.

zebra I am with you 100% on this one. It completely freaks me out the amount of stuff our kids have, and we practically never buy them things.
There are two aspects to it which worry me.
First , as you mentioned, at this rate there won't be room for the people and second, how many bright shiny plastic things do a family of wee kiddies need? I can't bear waste so can't throw things out, but there don't seem to be any needy causes any more where you can donate stuff.
And how good can it be for a kid to be given what seems like endless gifts? They already have tons of lovely toys, mostly unplayed with in favour of rolls of sellotape and old kitchen utensils....and Christmas is just around the corner and they will get piles more stuff which they will play with for five minutes....AAARGH!

vtech 'educational' toys with american accents p* me off too. (nothing against Americans but don't want ds to say autumn or whatever your way) No bright ideas this late but may have some tomorrow!

We have come to an agreement with our parents over this for our 2 kids. Both of them have february birthdays, so there is a 6 week orgy of presents followed by nothing for the rest of the year. Plus, MIL was forever sending silly prezzies just cos she wanted to, and we were getting fed up with all the cack dd seemed to own.
SO .. they get a prezzie from grandparents at christmas, who clear it with us first (we got round this one as due to divorces and remarriages there are 7 grandparents, and we said they should check first to see if anyone else was getting it). Then they get money into their bank accounts for birthday, and just something small to open on the day. Then grandparents are allowed to buy them things to play with AT THEIR HOUSE when we go to visit (saves us carting toys everywhere, and if they choose something noisy its their problem!!!)
It has worked so far.
And yes, I have vetted toys and quietly diposed of anything unsuitable before it reached little hands. You are right, they have more than enough toys, and I would rather people gave them something lasting or to someone else for them - I like the idea of sponsoring an animal or giving to charity, thanks.

Would Argos take the castle back?

I agree that children have far too many toys; I am notorious about vetting my DS's presents and not giving them to him or swiftly removing them after the 'giver' has had the pleasure of seeing him open it! We have a toy service coming up at Church and a lot of his unwanted (in my opinion) presents will go there - it will be harder when he gets older though, he is only 19 months now.

Fortunately we don't have a large family so he doesn't get huge amounts of presents but still far more than he needs/I can keep tidy!! And of course, who has to write all those thank you letters!!

Not just children, I genuinely just don't want any more possessions - yes, a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine is always welcome but we are fortunate to have everything we need .. I would much rather people gave a small donation to charity in lieu of a gift ... but how to get this across tactfully? I personally buy very few gifts at Christmas, nephews, nieces & godchildren get vouchers, I buy a little something for a couple of girlfriends, we have an arrangement not to buy for adults in the family ...that's about it! DH & I choose something together like a picture or something for the garden.

Knowing my DH's taste in jewellery/clothes I would rather not have a 'surprise'!!

Lindy, I could have written that bit about not wanting any more possessions.
My dhs family have decided this year's Christmas gifts should be edible or drinkable and cost under a fiver.

One of the benefits of not letting your kids have many sweets is that at Christmas/birthdays nothing makes them happier than a pile of sweeties!
Or am I a cruel mummy who is setting her kids up to develop eating disorders?

Niet. I think nottus, Jasper. They will be fine

Zebra, I am with you 100% on this. We have had battles with relatives about presents - and yes, we have taken things back to shops. At first we only did this with duplicates. But now I do it with anything that is unsuitable, or I simply don't want it in the house!

We do now write a 'wish list', so that they get what they want. I have never suggested giving cash, either to them or a charity - I know it would go down very badly.

However, a word of hope - it does get easier! As they get older the toys rapidly become a lot less bulky. Also the things they want become more expensive, so it's easier to satisfy an adult's gaping wallet!

KMG, yes I agree. The presents do tail off as they get older and they get more expensive. A football shirt for example with a player's name on the back is at least £40 then you've got shorts and socks on top of that.

All the electronic games and the games you put in are expensive too.

I'd ask for money in future and open an account in your child's name. Make sure they make the cheque out to the child so they don't get lost in your account (as so often happens here).

Or ask for vouchers (although these won't gather interest for future use). How about McDonald's vouchers? Or ask for swimming lessons/Beavers/dancing lessons?

My Mum is buying DD some new furry winter boots from Clarks for her birthday. Clarks do vouchers too.

Most shops will take items back without a receipt and exchange or give you vouchers for them. I know that Argos do stick the code number on the side of their goods though. R

God Vtech drives me mad! We had one of those walkers which DS1 loved and still plays with when he finds it and he is now 4. If left on it used to go off in the middle of the night and would see me searching the house for this hideous noise!

Why don't you try and compile a list of things you do want and try and get people to buy off that. Start early as grannies seem to have a tendancy for starting to buy Christmas presents in June! DS1 has Nov birthday so by the end of the year anything we need becomes a present. Playdough, puzzles, paper and crayons, games - things that are not to plastic and big and can be played together and packed away in a cupboard are always good options.

You could ask for clothes. I know this can be dodgy as everyone has different tastes but you could direct people to certain shops or just ask for vouchers.

We also ask grandparents to buy toys that stay at their house (ds does spend a couple of days a week there). Someone mentioned giving toys/clothes to women's refuges on a thread especially as many women leave with few belongings for their children and this thought has stuck in my head (ds also has birthday 3 weeks after xmas). How about asking relatives to buy videos eg Disney. Ds is not yet 2 but I know several older kids who adore their Disney vids and as they are expensive, you can build up a collection for the future. We bought a couple a while ago, 2 for £16, or something like that.

Bluestar we decided to start DS a Disney DVD collection - thinking on the same lines. We even bought the DVD player with this in mind. DS now has 2 DVDs, DH has 1 and I have 0. Have not yet managed to persuade anyone to bother but will persevere.

Getting people to buy things to keep at their house does not necessarily work IME. My MIL has bought DS tons of stuff for her house but also plenty for us. Especially soft toys. How useful are they? Not!

I'm a bit of a wuss about getting rid of stuff immediately but am gradually hardening up!

I would only give away/ flog prezzies before opening if you can be ABSOLUTELY sure that the kind person who gave it to him will not come round and expect to see it being played with! Could cause loads of bad feeling if they thought you were being ungrateful. How about getting the 3 yo to help select some of his old toys to give to "poor children who haven't got any toys".

Susanmt, what a good idea. My dd is a February birthday. Both sets of grandparents, and 3 sets of aunts/uncles/cousing are already asking what to buy as this is dd first Xmas and then birthday. They were less than impressed when I said that we'd like Rusty's bone, Peepo or some triple roll socks from Gap. I do love the idea of there being special grandparent toys there - it will aslo save us having to take toys with us!

Suew - sorry to sound like an old fart here but I do think that asking for cash donations from the parents of your child's school friends is missing the point. This happened recently to a friend of mine and she was absolutely livid. Firstly because it implied that any present she was going to buy would be useless crap, and secondly because it takes all the fun out of giving at an age when she thought you were supposed to teach children just that - that giving can be fun eg: they could take time to think what sort of present their friend would like and then go and find it, wrap it up etc etc. The whole issue became a topic of debate and everyone agreed that it was a bit crass and that we'd be inclined to boycott any party that said no presents just cash at such a young age. Also, you might not want any more little bits and pieces, but as a kid I remember being incredibly excited by the idea of lots of different presents. Yes, your child will probably get more use out of an extension to the climbing frame, but I think you could be asking for trouble if you go down this route. Having said that, I think where relatives are concerned you could ask for cash donations without causing offence. Anyway, hope you don't mind me putting my oar in!

I agree with you Willow2. It's SUCH fun opening presents. I even get excited watching DS open his. My solution is to rotate. Keep the new stuff out and slyly get rid of the old, to charity shops, etc. I remember friends, years ago, complaining about the crap that family members had bought their children and thinking 'you ungrateful so and sos. Just say nothing and be grateful!' No offense to anyone here, but just say nothing and junk it further down the line is my motto.

Agree about VTech - absolutely hate the bloody things. It does seem ungracious to ask relatives not to give toys but I've had to do that after ds's grandparents bought him a racing car that was far too big for his age and he ended up injured by it. This gave me the perfect excuse to say, please don't bring any more presents. I find grandparents tend to be pretty bad at knowing what kind of toys are suitable for what age groups - they've obviously forgotten what it was like when they had toddlers.

SueW - I quite often give books as presents but thats it. No fiver attached. Am I being mean? I think there was a thread about this before. I tend to give presents that cost £5-6 for kids who's parties DS gets invited to. He is only 1 though.

Bozzer - I agree that £5 is right for children's parties, how would a £5 book token go down do you think?

I have been mortified this weekend, a friend came to stay & bought her Christmas gift for our son, which is absolutely huge & I know cost over £40. I am acutely embarrassed but wonder why she has done this - my DH is godfather to her son & he as received a £10 cheque Christmas & birthdays since he was born (now 7), we don't give a present to his sister so the friend must know the sort of budget we stick to; I wouldn't expect her to buy anything for our DS anyway, she is not a godmother or relation. Do I stick to our £10 rule or should we start being more generous?

Lindy that is a bit tricky but it is the friend who has put you in that position so I think I would tend to stick to your guns. Wouldn't it also be embarassing to all of a sudden change tack? How old is your DS - what has she bought him previously? Maybe the extra was sort of as recognition of your hospitality?... spending the money that she might have put to a box of choccies and bottle of wine for you on your DS. Bit of a shame for you if that is the case

Lindy - are you sure it cost so much? I have in the past been embarrassed by friends' generosity, and later realised that they are just fantastic at spotting a bargain, and picked something up at a ridiculous price in a sale..?!