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Advice on friends

5 replies

rcusbw · 08/03/2022 14:59

I'm 25 and my friends are all also 25. We were the same year group at school. We've been friends since about 12.

I'm the only one who has kids. I have three kids.

I don't know if it anxiety from being a stay at home mum or just if something is odd about my friend group and it's time for me to slowly leave.

Me and one of my friends are closer than I am to my other friends. We've both spoken about the friend group dynamics and how we think one of our friends tries to control the group. Any time there's a group outing she is so grumpy on it. But when it's a smaller group she's enjoyable to be around.

She got a boyfriend a few years ago so we see very little of her.

She used to pick us up as she pleased when we were 18 and honestly not really much has changed. I do get on with this friend but me and my friend I'm closest too both said we should be worried our other friend will kick us out of the group if we do something wrong.

She made one of our friends "leave the group" when his boyfriend wouldn't pay money he owed. I wouldn't have made him leave for that, he had a horrible boyfriend which everyone in the group has had and that was on the boyfriend not my friend.

Recently me and my other friends have been meeting up with the friend she made leave tne group. I was so busy with kids etc I hadn't seen him in a few years and I reached out to him and apologised so much for how he was treated and none of us agreed. But when we are around the friend who kicked the other friend out, my friends say it's all my idea to meet up with him, it's all me, the kicked out friend is this is that etc. yet when we are with him are really good to him.

I'm obviously on thin ice in the group.

We have another friend who moved away who they do the same to, im pretty sure it's done about me too.

What advice does anyone have for this? Im 25 I feel way too old for this to be my life, worrying if because im being made out as the "traitor" im out of the group.

OP posts:
Besttobe8001 · 17/03/2022 18:58

This is an issue of boundaries. You need to have healthy boundaries in your friendships and romantic relationships. Please read up on it.

Boundaries in this instance might look like

"I don't care what you all think of (kicked out friend), he's my friend and I like spending time with him"

"Please stop being so rude about me and my friends, I'm leaving now""

And following through with the actions.

Please don't worry about being kicked out of the group, there's billions of other people to be friends with. If these won't grow up, then it's time for you to move on.

Relentlessrose · 17/03/2022 19:24

Make a rejects group, and relish in the freedom

AlexaShutUp · 17/03/2022 19:28

Goodness, sounds like you all met at school and have kept the playground dynamics. Start nurturing other friendships outside of this group. See who you want to see, and don't be apologetic about it. And remember that friends who kick you out of the group for inconsequential stuff like this really aren't proper friends in any case.

sophienelisse · 17/03/2022 19:50

Op I have friends from school and other friends. We all mix fairly well but none would get the arse over other people having other friends. That is life.

sophienelisse · 17/03/2022 19:53

Also I have friends I have known forever but we are not in day to day or even month to month contact but we accept that life is how it is. Busy. You are not always in constant contact but your there if you need each other.

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