I need a life overhaul - where to start though?

[MascaraOHara]

I need to change so much in my life that I don't know where to start. I suppose I should make a list(?) I'm just looking for anybody who has done it before, or who also needs to change a few things.. need some advice, a kick start and possibly some support!

lol

Very hard to give advice when you give absolutely no details .

What do you need to do? You can make massive changes (I have changed lives more than once) but you first need to know where you are going, not just be dissatisfied with what you have at present.

Well I need to change my spending habits, my job, I need to get a more positive outlook on life, lose a little bit of weight, find some new friends, make more time for my dd

oooh MOH that's a big list

I want a P/T job

and Iwant to lose at least 10 lb

Well, from that very brief description of your areas for self-improvement I would say that it sounds that you feel as if you don't have control over yourself.

It is much easier to put your finances in order, to start eating healthily and to spend more time with your DD (since those things are entirely within your control) than it is to change jobs and make new friends (which both largely depend on interaction with others).

If you first "put your house in order" you will also feel so much more positive about yourself that it will be much easier to sell yourself to a new employer and market yourself to potential new friends.

How about you decide to completely go through your kitchen, sort out all the food, chuck out everything unhealthy and go shopping for lots of fruit, vegetables, wholegrains and lean meat? And then make a lovely meal for yourself and your family? Will you feel better/more positive about yourself?

First off I'd say keep a log for at least a week. Write down everything you spend, eat, do etc and how you felt when you spent, ate, did etc. Then sit down and have a good read/think at the end of the week and try and see a pattern. This should give you a plan.

I think my job should be the first thing to change, I'm good at my job, have a marketable CV and present myself well. I'm just so lazy/knackered that I can't fget round to my CV - also me being a single parent competing against mostly men and probably with more experience is going to make it difficult.

i need to lose half a stone but I just can't seem to maintain focus on that.

I think I've just become lazy both at work and at home but I'm not sure how to shake myself out of it.

If you are knackered, you won't be at your best to market yourself to the best possible job, and you need to remember that when you start a new job you need to be on top form and to have the rest of your life really sorted while you invest yourself in your new role for the first few months.

How about trying to get to bed earlier at night? There is lots of research that backs up the hypothesis that being tired makes one overweight. And if you were less tired, you'd have more energy to accomplish other things during the day.

lol last night and the night before I went to bed at the same time as dd!

I think you're right baout being on top form for a new job, just feel that it's partly my job at the moment that is making me feel not great.

see, I go round in circles and get nowhere

Yes, I think it's often like that. And often, if you start getting more sleep, eating a better diet and getting a bit more fresh air, you gain a bit more energy to deal with the rest.

Maybe you are basically a bit physically run down and that is at the crux of your perceived inability to get moving?

If it were me, Mascara, I would choose just one of those things and focus on improving that area for one month. Longer if it seems to take longer, but put the rest on the list to consider for the next month. Probably choose the easiest thing first (say, making time for your DD in the first 1-2 months, followed by a concerted effort to monitor expenditure and then move onto a budget where all is accounted for in the next 1-2 months). Changing jobs, in contrast, sounds like one of the most difficult things to do to me, more than just about everything else.
I think your life attitude will change of its own accord if you set yourself small goals and have success in achieving them.

I have being trying to spend more time with dd - playing more together, taking her to the library.. I think I'd got into a routine where all the time we spent together was either with other people or at home whilst I was doing housework and she wa entertaining herself. So will continue to do that.

I've thought about life coaching but I'm a little sceptical..

Agree with lljkk - it sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on yourself to change a huge amount in one go - and I know from experience that that approach doesn't always work unless (unlike me ) you have iron self-discipline. The result is that one tends to get trapped in a cycle of failure = disappointment in oneself = lack of energy/negativity.

For the past three years I've tried to lose weight and get fit, learn a language, get my life back on track in terms of a career and de-clutter/renovate my house. The best results come when I choose to focus on just one or two of those things at a time and chop those things down in to small, manageable steps so that they don't become overwhelming.

So, for example, write down all the small steps that you need to write a cv:
buy printer paper,
approach x and y for references,
find exam certificates in box in roof,
find disc containing old cv

(am making this up but you get my drift) and then just tick off those things one by one. Even if you just do one of those things every two or three days at least you are making progress. Sorry if this sounds patronising but I'd got so overwhelmed at one point that it was the only approach that I found do-able.

Also, very often making one small change will be catalyst for other ie doing cv leads to finding new job, which leads to feeling better about oneself = weight loss and new friends etc

Good luck!! You can do it!!

How old is your DD, Mascara?

My DD really enjoys shopping with me (even just food and household stuff) and we make it into quite an outing and have lots of conversations and she's really quite helpful and has learnt a lot. Obviously having your child alongside you during daily tasks slows those things down, but it can be great bonding at low cost. My DD loves the togetherness of it.

I'm a big fan of Mark Forster's books, they've helped me to stop procrastinating & take concrete steps towards my goals despite the knackeredness of workingmotherdom. I think his book 'Get Everything Done and still have time to play' is the best to start with. His website here is good too.

Thanks I'll look at that website.

me and dd spent all weekend in this weekend (she's 5) and it was quite nice.. I promised her a few months ago that I would sstop doing my housework on weekends so that I could spend more time with her but this weekend was the first proper hardcore weekend of no housework.

Was told to do my CV today at work so not exactly getting positive vibes as to how much longer I'm going to have a job for!

Hi guys,

I'm just reviving this thread to say that I've started.

I've lost over half a stone, have got back to the gym. Have secured myself a new job, have finished my couselling, am spending more time with dd, have money in the bank..

Everything is good

not perfect.. but good!

Thanks Ruby.. It feels so good.. that's the best bit.

I have a shed load of stuff under my stairs that needs eBaying but other than that even the house is shaping up

Oh I never thought of that! Maybe I'll eye up a new pair of shoes