Ignored in school whatsapp group

[Busybusy2022]

Hi, I never used to care to much but I’m shocked at how unpopular I am with the mums at school. I always smile, I’m polite, never exclude anyone. I do work in the city and had to hire a part time nanny to collect and drop. I do attend coffee mornings when i can. I do my best to fit in. On mums whatsapp I try to add to the posts and sometimes am the first to correctly advise and help. All if this is met with - no response at all.. I just don’t understand. Strangely enough I befriended mums at the school nearer our house and they love me and I really like them. The mums at my boys own (private) school just don’t seem to want anything to do with me. I’m a very bubbly person, very sociable. I just don’t get it. I feel sorry for my kids. I feel that I failed them.

I'm sure that doesn't feel nice OP but some people are just not worth the effort and this sounds like it's one of those situations! Enjoy hanging out with the mums you have connected with and forget those who don't deserve you.

There's a feeling around here that whilst those who send their children to private schools may have money, that doesn't make them a nice/emotionally intelligent person, rather quite the opposite.

I'm extremely fortunate to have a wonderful group of parents who are incredibly supportive, at the school we send our kids to. I've heard stories of parents who took their kids out of private school for exactly the reasons you've described, and are now thriving.

If you can move children to a school where material attainment isn't the primary focus, and emotional intelligence is, then I'd seriously consider doing that.

Our school is in a very affluent area, Ofsted Outstanding, etc, and could afford private school and yet, choose not to for the above reasons

Thank you newmum for your kids words. Thank you Treacletoots. - I think you’re right with respect to money and people. It’s quite sad to see. They seem to think they’re better than anyone else. My husband and I like to live modestly despite both having good jobs. Took a lot of dedication at Uni/ school. I see everyone as equal. The teachers are lovely and down to earth. I often ask them what secondary they sent their kids to. So I can think of doing the same! And these arenot private schools!

If you’ve responded on WhatsApp to a particular question from another mum, you deserve an acknowledgment or thank you. To ignore you completely is rude.

On the other hand, it might be that some mums just aren’t interested in school mum friendships. By the time my 3rd was in school, I didn’t really care anymore. I would have of course been polite, but not much interest in conversation or friendships. I was part of WhatsApp groups out of necessity, but never engaged in them.
Don’t take it personally at all.

Your kids won’t suffer for it. Try to encourage friendships for them.

This is not a you problem at all.

They just sound like a bunch of bitches.

I couldn't do a coffee morning with the school mums. Some of them have too much time on their hands and too much gossip. Not interested. Grow up is what I think!

I'm on a couple of school WhatsApp groups and quite often no-one replies. I don't think it's rudeness on our one, just that people tend to go with "if you've got nothing useful to say don't say anything" otherwise your phone is constantly pinging with 30 people saying "okay ta" or whatever. I think some people have muted the group too, so won't be seeing the messages.

That said, some people are rude and cliquey but it's not a reflection on you, they're just like that.

You haven't failed your kids. I'd just carry on as you are, be polite and friendly but not over invested. And maybe step back a bit on the WhatsApp group and let someone else reply if you feel you're not getting much response.