Child with possible ASD?

[Laura55]

Hello everyone. Before I start I'd like to mention that I did not diagnose my daughter, I'm just confused and worried and would like some advice before I start assuming. I'm in the process of getting professional advice as well.

So I have a 26 month old daughter, she's lovely and playful, she's been such a calm baby since birth and the most loving child. She doesn't talk, but I was told that might be because of her pacifier, because she's learning 2 languages at the same time or just because she hasn't been around anyone else other than my family since she was born. However now she's been in nursery for 3-4 weeks and she did say a couple of words, she dances, she knows how to shush me (lol), learned where her nose, mouth and eyes are but doesn't always show it etc so she's learning quickly in my opinion. The nursery has no concerns, told me she's fine and sometimes she's distant but she's slowly getting used to the other kids and started playing with them.
Yesterday my mum saw a video with a 3 year old that had pretty much the same "symptoms" as my daughter. And that's flicking her hands (not a lot but she does it), clapping randomly, walking on her tip toes, moving her index finger a bit weird, non verbal, getting attached to weird things like toothbrushes and hair combs, kind of looking at one side and moving her head while keeping her eyes in the same position, going around in circles, grabbing you and taking you places when she needs something, not wanting to eat by herself etc. My daughter has all of these, and let's just say I always felt like she was a bit behind big because nobody expressed any concern and I'm only 22, I didn't grow up around kids and she's my first. Didn't really know what's normal and what's not, I just thought she's doing great, she's learning slower but she's showing progress so that's fine. I've been watching plenty videos and my daughter can relate a bit too much to what autistic kids do. It's clear that's she's not as developed as an average 26 month old, and I realised that when she went at nursery but they told me she's fine and she's not the first 2 year old that doesn't talk and doesn't socialise, or the Ford toddler that's different and that she will eventually adapt and get better. They even told me she said "go" and "run" and she was copying the other kids when they were pretending to fall down. I'd say a part of me thinks she's ok and she's not autistic as she does surprise me sometimes, she's smart, she can't count but whenever she hears me count she goes "mm, mm, mm..." and tries to imitate me.
If she does have it, I feel like I failed her and I did something. She'll always be loved regardless but the guilt and the pain thinking she won't be independent or she'll be different, thinking she'll realise it one day or thinking it'll get worse just scares me. I tried to speak to my HV but she's on holiday and couldn't really talk to me about it. I know it might sound silly to some of you but I'm a big overthinker and I'm so scared.
Any advise/personal experiences are welcome. I just needed someone to talk to :(

Hello, it's totally normal to worry about your child. I think it is way too early to tell. I don't think they even do assessments at that age for that very reason.
You'll probably have your 2 year check from the health visitor soon so I'd just wait for that to get another opinion.
How do you feel about reducing the use of the pacifier?

Also I don't believe in ASD as I don't think it's a disorder. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic they are just misunderstood and not accommodated for.

@Yuckypretty

Hello, it's totally normal to worry about your child. I think it is way too early to tell. I don't think they even do assessments at that age for that very reason. You'll probably have your 2 year check from the health visitor soon so I'd just wait for that to get another opinion. How do you feel about reducing the use of the pacifier?

I do reduce it, I only give it to her now when she's sleeping. I've seen mothers have their kids diagnosed at 2-3 so I thought it was normal. Everyone's telling me not to think about it and just act as if she doesn't have it regardless if she is autistic or not, but I'm just over worrying about it because I don't know what to expect 😢

This is a screening device for toddlers that you can do yourself.

Sorry you are so worried.

@Spottiswoode

This is a screening device for toddlers that you can do yourself.

Sorry you are so worried.

What exactly is that? And where do I find it? x

@Spottiswoode

This is a screening device for toddlers that you can do yourself.

Sorry you are so worried.

Oops sorry didn't realise you attached it there. Found it, thank you so so much!

Aw, your DD sounds delightful, OP!

It can be quite difficult to diagnose ASD in such young children, because a lot of "autistic" behaviours are pretty common in NT toddlers.

It's also common for bilingual toddlers to be a bit behind with their speech...but it's all going in and they do catch up! Growing up bilingual actually brings lots of benefits to children in the end.

Even if your DD is eventually diagnosed with autism (and remember that many people with autism go on to live happy, fulfilled lives, have friends, good jobs, get married etc), it's not because of anything that you did or didnt do. People used to think that, many many years ago, but that theory has long since been debunked, so don't blame yourself.

I don’t think it is too early to have your concerns investigated. I think it’s the responsible thing to do and I totally understand your worry. I had concerns about my daughter at this age that were dismissed but at 3 she was diagnosed with ASD. I was terrified and thought I had done something wrong. She is now 8 and is the sweetest most caring girl in the world. She is funny, happy, has friends. What I am saying is your daughter may be neurotypical but even if she does end up being neurodiverse it isn’t a reason to feel like you have failed or everything is doom and gloom. I say this because that is exactly how I felt and I was so worried I was literally white knuckling life for at least two years. Speak with the health visitor and continue being a great mum who clearly cares a lot about her daughter.

It isn't too early to talk to professionals about your concerns at all.
Waiting lists are far too long everywhere, so if you have concerns, start talking about them now.

However, to put you straight about some of your concerns,

If she does have it, I feel like I failed her and I did something.

If she does have autism, it is not because of anything you did and it is not because you failed her.

She'll always be loved regardless but the guilt and the pain thinking she won't be independent

Lots of people with autism live full, independent and fulfilled lives. There is no reason to suppose any 2 yr old with autism won't be able to live independently as an adult.

or she'll be different, thinking she'll realise it one day or thinking it'll get worse just scares me

Why would it 'get worse' ? Autism (again if she has it) is a lifelong condition but it is not degenerative. Indeed, once they understand their diversity, many people with autism learn coping strategies for the times they find difficult.

I tried to speak to my HV but she's on holiday and couldn't really talk to me about it

So, if she is on holiday, she is likely to be back in the next week or so, so make an appointment then. In the meantime, write yourself a list of bullet points of all your concerns, so you won't forget things when you see her.

I know it might sound silly to some of you but I'm a big overthinker and I'm so scared

It isn't silly. It is perfectly normal for a parent to worry about their child.

Continue to respond to her individual needs always and you won't go wrong.

FWIW i'm a fully independent autistic adult with a degree and a happy family of my own. Autism isn't a degenerative disease, it's just a different way of processing.

Did you get to speak to your HV?