This time last year: I had recently suffered 2 miscarriages in consecutive cycles (my 2nd and 3rd altogether) and had to have 2 D&Cs. We were in extreme financial and job insecurity: my contract was due to run out in 3 months and we had nothing lined up after that. Dh had had PhD funding rejections and was waiting on the application to his 'favourite' funding body that was taking ages. We were living in a one-bed flat far from friends and family. I was trying for ds1's sake to rebuild a relationship with my parents, who years before had irrationally rejected dh and then cut me out of their lives when I refused to leave him. We needed to move for dh's research but didn't know whether it would be possible. And on NYE I spent the evening throwing up with a grim stomach bug.
This year: the funding body accepted dh, finally taking the practical and emotional burden of being sole earner off me. I got a new job, PT, with lovely people. We could move, to a nice, bigger flat, near at least some friends and family. I got a small grant to help me pursue a cherished academic project. I saw my parents and although they still reject dh and none of our painful 'issues' have been discussed, it looks like my children will really have their maternal grandparents in their lives after all. And best of all, ds2 was born. Unknown to me, I was already pg with him last NYE, he had just been conceived, not entirely planned, I missed my period at the start of Jan and tbh my first reaction was terror. On Good Friday I had a huge bleed and was convinced it was over. But it was 'just' my placenta. And ds2 is here and he is lovely. So lovely. (pics on my profile, limited time only ) Bf's been a piece of cake, such a contrast to the struggles with ds1. I'm tandem feeding - something I thought, in the early days with ds1, that I'd never achieve. And just this year the German govt introduced new maternity benefits which have made it possible for me to take a full year's mat leave. My cup's so full. And no stomach bug in sight The year has ended in a fitting manner: today we discovered that dh had obviously lost his credit card somewhere and someone had handed it in . Symbolic, somehow, of our year's good fortune.
I feel I don't deserve it. It's too much. I feel it's too much good stuff to happen to someone like me. I know from experiences in my life that happiness is fragile, and I hope that should things take a bad turn for me I can hang on to the thought of the happiness I have experienced in this time.
And thank you MN for being around. I'm not the most prolific MNer, but I will never forget the messages of support that poured in after my mcs, nor those of joy at ds2's birth, nor those strengthening me to go and meet my parents. Thank you. I am so pleased to 'know' such a fantastic bunch of women, a real community.
So many people on MN are going through so much horrible shite. And I wish so much that 2008 can bring the good fortune for all of them and of you that 2007 has brought for me.
Happy New Year.