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Original poster

17 weeks pregnant and changed my mind.

17 replies

Jellymum97 · 23/01/2022 19:51

Hi,
I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and I have decided I can't keep this baby.
I was happy with the baby's father (together 3 years) and we were thrilled when I found out I was pregnant.
He was supportive and he came to my scan, appointments etc.

When I got to about 15 weeks, things changed and he beat me up quite badly and I had to go to the police to press charges. I'm now suffering with PTSD, anxiety and depression.
Having this baby, SS are going to be involved and the baby's father won't be allowed to see the baby.

I already have a DS of my own, and I feel like having this baby too I won't be able to cope all on my own.
I have no family or friends around that would help me, I simply relied on the baby's father for the support to have this baby together.
I would honestly struggle financially as I have a home to run, and a 3 year old too who ive brought up alone so I know how hard it is..

I don't know what to do, as there are two options which are adoption or termination.

Which will break my heart doing either but I know keeping this baby I really won't be able to cope giving the situation it is with the baby's father.

Has anyone been through this sort of thing with late termination or adoption?

Please no horrible comments as this is hard as it is. Thanks.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/01/2022 19:55

I think that a lot has happened in the last fortnight, and you need to give yourself a bit of time to breathe and adjust. You still have time.

Are you now fully separated from the father with no plans to stay in touch? If not, that's step one - even just for your other child's sake.

Spongebobsmartypants · 23/01/2022 19:55

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have no real advice but wanted to give you a hand hold till someone else comes along.

user1958493 · 23/01/2022 19:56

Hello, I have no experience in this sorry. But I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry this has happened to you. This is completely your decision and you just do whatever you feel is right for you.
Thanks

Original poster
Jellymum97 · 23/01/2022 20:06

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I think that a lot has happened in the last fortnight, and you need to give yourself a bit of time to breathe and adjust. You still have time.

Are you now fully separated from the father with no plans to stay in touch? If not, that's step one - even just for your other child's sake.

The case may be taken to court, and he's currently on bail conditions not to contact me or come near my home while all this is going on, his bail ends on the 10th of Feb Im not sure if he's allowed to contact me by then
OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/01/2022 20:08

But even if he is allowed - you won't allow it surely?

Original poster
Jellymum97 · 23/01/2022 20:14

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

But even if he is allowed - you won't allow it surely?
Of course not, but SS told me if he wanted contact there would be DNA tests & then he would have to go to big meetings and it would be really difficult for him to see the child anyway. It's a really unfair situation for the baby and myself to go through.
OP posts:
Bringsexyback · 26/01/2022 08:18

I nearly did exactly this in 2002 and honest I don’t think I would’ve ever got over if I had. The child is now at Liverpool University studying to be a doctor the light of my life and all-round general outstanding human.

There’s so much support at there if you can just reach out for it

crumblebug · 26/01/2022 08:21

You need to make the right decision for yourself OP. Other posters individual experiences may not be yours, and just because someone else 'wouldn't have been able to get over it' it doesn't mean it would be the wrong decision for you.

So sorry you've been going through such an awful time

User8721643839 · 26/01/2022 08:23

How are you feeling today??

folkloresongs · 26/01/2022 08:37

I've name changed for this. I was in a similar situation at the beginning of lockdown. I had 2dc which I raised on my own. I met a new partner and found out I was pregnant 3 years into the relationship. Although the baby was unexpected we were happy. I had the scans, bought some clothes and was wearing maternity clothes. 15 weeks into the pregnancy he became violent suddenly. Not as bad as in your situation, but enough to make me question the future. I wanted the baby, but didn't want to be tied to this man for the rest of my life. I didn't like how my existing dc would be involved in the situation.
I made contact with a couple of charities and had some counselling to come to my decision. I decided that for the sake of my existing children and myself, I couldn't continue with the pregnancy.
Even in the hospital waiting for surgery I was doubting my decision. I've only just been able to part with my maternity clothes recently. For the first few weeks it was tough. I desperately regretted my decision. I ended up needing antidepressants. However, over time, things have become easier and I no longer regret my decision. Life has moved on and I'm now in a very happy place and in a situation which wouldn't have been possible if I continued with my pregnancy.
Whatever decision you make I wish you the best. It's a really rough place to be at the moment. I'm sure if I'd have continued with the pregnancy the baby would have been loved and brought lots of joy to our family, however it would also have been very difficult financially and co-parenting with someone I no longer trusted.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 26/01/2022 08:43

OP, if I were you I'd start to move quickly on accessing your time-dependent option. And I wish you the best of luck.

RedBonnet · 26/01/2022 08:47

I think in your position adoption would be better, simply because you might start to feel better about things and decide to keep the baby.

Sounds twee perhaps, but abortion is final and can bring regrets in itself.

Adoption gives you more time to think x

Arabelladrinkstea · 26/01/2022 08:58

Just wanted to send you love no matter what you decide. It must be your choice.

I unexpectedly found myself pregnant Sept 20, the dad left and went to another country….. I miscarried at 11 weeks and now I am so so so grateful I’m not bringing up a child alone with an absent father, as I’ve already done solo parenting once before.

So whilst I didn’t have a decision to make, in hindsight it was absolutely the best thing that happened for everyone. Sending you a big hug Flowers

PrincessNikla · 30/01/2022 12:40

how are you op?

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 12:43

crumblebug

You need to make the right decision for yourself OP. Other posters individual experiences may not be yours, and just because someone else 'wouldn't have been able to get over it' it doesn't mean it would be the wrong decision for you.

So sorry you've been going through such an awful time“

Absolutely this. Other’s experiences aren’t relevant. You must do what is right for you.

💐

Tavelo · 30/01/2022 13:04

It's going to be hard to make this decision OP you poor thing, but whichever decision you make will be the right one. Allow yourself some time to get some head space back, you've been through a lot.

lal17 · 30/01/2022 13:06

Sending you love and strength whatever you decide.

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