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Original poster

Eviction (what do I tell my kids & nice neighbours)

99 replies

openways · 18/01/2022 21:29

hi all, unfortunately, I will moving out of my property ASAP due to eviction.

I am wondering if I can get any advice on how and what to tell the kids who love our home especially their bedrooms.

Also, what do I tell my neighbour. I'm so so embarrassed & deeply ashamed about all these. How does one go about telling their neighbour oh by the way I am moving because I am due to be evicted 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️

Pls someone help me navigate this pls

OP posts:
Warblerinwinter · 26/01/2022 08:40

Don’t tell the children. You will scare them and make them anxious if they understand that you are not in control of their lives and home. Do not burden them with that. Fake it. You need to be brave here for their sakes and say anything to them other than someone else has control of this. You will get back your control and a home , and you can tell them what actually happened when they are all grown up…but now is not the time
You do not need to tell anyone else for the reasons that cannot impact the outcome or practically help you. Tell the people who can directly help you or support you through this, and tell them you are not explaining to the children and this is the “story” you are giving them just now.

Inspectorslack · 26/01/2022 08:41

Why aren’t you getting assistance from your local council? They have a duty to house you as you have children?

FawnFrenchieMum · 26/01/2022 08:41

Forgot about what anyone thinks other than your kids, it’s done now and nothing to be embarrassed about. Concentrate on your children and gently explain to them that you have come on hard times. I know how hard it is, I’ve been there. We managed to secure a rental property to move into but explaining to everyone what had happened was awful. Don’t do anything that will make your situation worse in a few months time.

Rrrob · 26/01/2022 08:44

What a horrible situation but you can and will get through this. For things to get better you have to hit rock bottom, and that time is now.

Re renting, can you afford to pay 6 months upfront? The rental market is very tough atm but as a landlord if you paid 6 months upfront and had a guarantor I would consider you. We had someone in this position last year (unemployed but paid 6 months upfront and his mum was guarantor) and he was a model tenant, so don’t think there isn’t hope.

WordlePlayer · 26/01/2022 08:45

Hi there.

We need to deal with shame and embarrassment first.

Congratulations on the Masters. What subject?

What’s the nature of your disability?

I know what it is to feel shame, both as a child, and when accused as an adult. I am a litigation lawyer - I regularly deal with clients who had no idea they could lose their house because of a mistake.

Because of my own life experience I know that their families can survive but that step 1 is to get rid of the shame.

WordlePlayer · 26/01/2022 08:49

OP - re getting rid of shame - sometimes I just have to fed my clients an alternative narrative/script for them to have ready for difficult conversations.
You’re getting fabulous examples of these recasting phrases on this thread :). “Yes, we’re moving, it happened very fast” is PERFECTION for the neighbours one :)

tintodeverano2 · 26/01/2022 08:57

Age 10 & 6 (told them home is being refurbished so we have to stay somewhere for now (son cried 1st night because he had to share room with sister)

This is a bit of a mistake as they will be expecting to return. You need to be honest (to an extent!) with them and explain that you're not going back.

Also, get yourself down to your local housing department and see what they can do for you as you're now homeless.

Unsure33 · 26/01/2022 09:04

Did the building society or bank give you a chance to try and sell before eviction? They should have.

BoredZelda · 26/01/2022 09:11

6 months rent in advance,

Struggling to see how you can afford this if you're being evicted from your mortgaged home, presumably for non payment?

Why would the council tell you they wont help if you are clearly homeless?

Hop2hop · 26/01/2022 09:16

I have been. Through 2 evictions. Mine was renting though and I went through the eviction route . So we went emgency accommodation. Then temporary accommodation.

I told my children that the landlord wanted the house back. And that we will have to stay in a temporary place until we can find something. I told them it can be anything from a hostel where you have to share kitchen/bathroom. To a flat/house that's all yours with no sharing with strangers. The council normally try their best to make sure its self contained especially with children. The most scary thing was the unknown.

You really do need to contact the council. The air b&b won't last for long your still going to be in the same situation fearing what will happen each day. The council have links /schemes etc that can help you get into a private rent . The council often know landlords that work with them.

I know you did not wait for actual bailiff so the council could ague that . But you did not know you were meant to wait. They also have a duty of care as you have children. As somone pointed out you can also ask for help from social services.

Definitely call shelter you could be on hold for 45 mins or so. So do not give up get what advice you can and take that advice with you to the council.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 26/01/2022 09:31

You posted the day before your OP about your partner moving in with you, and that you had a job. A week later and there's no mention of the partner and you don't have a job. I'm a bit confused.

Inspectorslack · 26/01/2022 09:38

So your partner moved in on the 17th of this month?

You will be being moving out ASAP due to being evicted but your son already cried the first night because he had to share with his sister?

I’m really confused op.

Lougle · 26/01/2022 09:44

I don't think you should lie to your child. It's unsettling and they can usually tell that something is wrong.

BobLemon · 26/01/2022 09:49

Hi OP, bad credit aside, what does your income look like? Are you employed? Is it long term?

I’d be trying to reassure a landlord not about my history, but about my future and how safe a bet I’m going to be.

MimiDaisy11 · 26/01/2022 09:50

@tintodeverano2

Age 10 & 6 (told them home is being refurbished so we have to stay somewhere for now (son cried 1st night because he had to share room with sister)

This is a bit of a mistake as they will be expecting to return. You need to be honest (to an extent!) with them and explain that you're not going back.

Also, get yourself down to your local housing department and see what they can do for you as you're now homeless.

Yes this! You need to set the correct expectations. Don’t tell them lies that will come out and upset them later. You can be economical with the truth so you don’t scare them.
BobLemon · 26/01/2022 09:51

Ah, I apologise, I see you’re on SSP.

feathermucker · 26/01/2022 10:09

@Inspectorslack

So your partner moved in on the 17th of this month?

You will be being moving out ASAP due to being evicted but your son already cried the first night because he had to share with his sister?

I’m really confused op.

I'm confused too.
WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 26/01/2022 10:12

Hello OP, I have so much sympathy for you and hope you're doing OK. I agree with those saying the children need to be aware that they aren't going back to the house - I think @Hop2hop had good advice to tell them that the landlord wanted the house back. Personally, I prefer being truthful, but keeping it age-appropriate for the children. If I were you, I think I would explain to the children that you can't afford that house any more - I wouldn't necessarily explain about the eviction, but I would say that I would have liked to stay there as well, but it just wasn't possible any more because it was too much money. I think then they will feel like you're all in the same boat, and understand that you feel sad about leaving the house too and have empathy for them, rather than it being mum in control making decisions that the kids aren't happy with. Does that make sense?

I also personally wouldn't ask the children to keep it a secret from their friends. That's a really big burden to put on a child, and it has the potential to make them feel ashamed of a situation that really none of you ought to be ashamed of. This is a big thing in their little lives, and they will need to feel able to talk about it with their friends, not like they have to hide it. In my opinion, children should only ever be asked to keep nice secrets.

Hope everything works out for you.

EIIa · 26/01/2022 10:19

Absolutely lie to your kids, don’t let this guilt and shame affect them too

And stay put. Do NOT move until forced to

Inspectorslack · 26/01/2022 10:22

But she’s already moved? And she has a partner living with her and she’s changed all his address stuff for his various benefit claims?

Viviennemary · 26/01/2022 10:26

Do you own this house or are you renting it. This is all very vague.

Hop2hop · 26/01/2022 10:42

@EIIa

Absolutely lie to your kids, don’t let this guilt and shame affect them too

And stay put. Do NOT move until forced to

Why would you lie to children. Children don't think how adults do . It's only what we put onto them.

I told my kids that the landlord wanted the house back. That we had only borrowed it. And they want it back. So we have to stay somewhere for a while until something better comes up as there are no homes available just yet .

Winter2020 · 26/01/2022 10:46

Hi OP,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds really tough and you are doing your best. Could you try to contact local housing association and apply for their lists. Speak/meet with them if you can. I expect you can be classified homeless if you are in a short term air b&b - that might help you to be high up on their lists. Contact them and see what they can do. Also do the same with the Council. Even if you look for a private rent as well you might as well cover all basis. The Council might be able to help you find a private rental.

ScatteredMama82 · 26/01/2022 10:51

OP what happened to the partner that had moved in?

MsAgnesDiPesto · 26/01/2022 11:00

OP, I am not an expert in this field, but I think you should go back to the council and ask if there is other help they can offer you if they aren’t obliged to house you (and I think they aren’t, given that you surrendered the house early and are therefore, unfair as it seems, intentionally homeless). There will be other avenues and resources they can point you to.

Your situation seems unclear. Your DP only moved in with you just over a week ago, so you can’t have been anticipating having to move at that time - so how did the eviction notice and moving out happen so quickly? Did you panic and leave before you needed to? Now that you are out, I hope that DP is using those benefits to help pay for your housing. Having both your incomes should give you some options.

You mention offering to pay 6 months’ rent up front - is this from DP’s savings, as you say you are broke? Or from some anticipated funds from the repossession sale of the house? Though you also say you’re in negative equity. I am confused. If you have a poor credit history (details would be helpful so we know how limited your options might be) you surely wouldn’t be able to borrow such a large sum and still hope to meet the repayments?

You will need to be very clear about your exact circumstances when explaining your situation to people who might be able to help, so I suggest you write down exactly what finds you have available before approaching either your local council, or maybe Citizens’ Advice, for help in taking the next step.