what would you do?

[hatter]

following on from my post a week or so ago about the school gate crowd, two things happended today that really bugged me. First I was handed a flier about a parents' Christmas dinner. I had noticed previously this mum chatting to a lot to people and walking round with a clipboard, obviously organizing something. Anyway, this is what it turned out to be, and the deadline for replying is today. I'm just upset by the totally random nature in which people get to find out. It was totally by fluke that I happened to be speaking to someone next to her this morning - and usually I'm not even there on a wed am anyway. If she had gone to the effort of printing fliers could she really not have put one up on the class notice board, so that everyone knew about it - in advance. Secondly I found out that some of the mums are meeting up tonight to help wrap presents for the Christmas fair. I'm more than happy to help with things like this - but I can't if no-one tells me about them! grrrrr.

Having got that off my chest, what should I do? I know these people work really hard for the christmas fair etc but if they could just advertise things more widely they'd get more help. I fel frustrated and don't know how to broach it without sounding grumpy and critical and like I want to place extra work on them. I'd especially like to know what mums who are heavily involved in their school think about this.

just to give you an idea of what it's like - I turned up at the first meeting of the friends' associatio in sep to find that class reps had already been decided. by who, when and how i have no idea.

I'd have a word with the Headmistress and say that as things stand, she's missing out on the chance of drawing upon the resources of parents who don't find out about school functions until they're either over, or it's too short notice to do anything to help. And that the Friends' Association is coming across as an impenetrable clique, which may of course not be their fault, but you're sure that they would want to ensure that people don't perceive them inaccurately, blah di blah...

It's probably not that they're deliberately setting out to be excluding, but just that they're pretty shambolic. They probably need someone who is aware of the need to organise and communicate effectively, but don't realise they need that.

Agree with Caligula - Head is probably your best bet.

have to say I really don't think this is anything to do with the head. The dinner is a purely social event - not even in the name of the friends' association. It's just a "reception class parents Christmas dinner". The other stuff is the Friend's association but they run independently of the school staff, head etc (and rightly so, I think).

i do think you're right that this is unintended - they're so busy doing things and running it all themselves they don't seem to stop and think about how to do it all effi ciently

Is the Friends Assoc instead of a PTA?

I'm new to all this - not really sure what a PTA is, but can say we don't have one. The friends purely do fundraising - they organise summer and Christmas fairs and a handful of other events - in themselves the events are well advertised and at one level requests for help are - eg sending out notes asking people to make cake. But how you get involved at the level of helping write those notes in the first place / making suggestions for stalls god only knows!

How about what Caligula suggested but talking to the 'Clipboard Mum' & saying that you'd love to help & be involved in the events. I'm sure its not on purpose but if you are a new face in the crowd they probably don't realise or else have got used to talking to the 'usual' group of parents about such things.

dds school put a flier in the welcome pack we got when she started about joining the PTA. All the "bake us some cakes" fliers also say to call one of the chairs if you can help in any other way.

No, you're right, it is nothing to do with the Head (or the school sec, ours has always recoiled from Friends' responsibilities!)

hatter, I don't remember how old your oldest is or how long you've been going to the dreaded gate, but I think you're just going to have to put yourself about a bit. Who were you chatting to this morning when you got the flier? Is she a friend? Who is your class rep? Do you have a phone number? If not ring the Chair and get the class rep number - or else just speak to the Chair anyway while you're ringing - and offer your services!

These things just are cliquey, esp amongst the organisers, but there are subsets and you will become part of one of those - in fact if you stick around you will probably become part of the organisation after a while.

As others have said, don't take it personally, if you do want to help make yourself known and if you don't, enjoy the peace and quiet

Maybe I'm being an arse - I know I could get involved like this but I just think that way of going about things is kind of unfair on shyer people and also working mums who aren't even at the school gate, or people like me who are there only twice a week. I also conscious that I sound like a right old saddo, who's yearning to be in their gang. I know some of them quite well and it would be pretty easy to be more involved but I don't think joining the clique is neccesarily the answer. maybe I have to and then institute reform from within!