I don't know where to put this, sorry!

[mummyvontummy]

My mum's got very bad leukaemia and has had to be in hospital in isolation since the middle of Nov (she was diagnosed 6 months ago but has become v ill with it). I am an only child, my mum got divorced when I was two and has remained unmarried, and her brother died 5 years ago, so I am the only person really that she has to talk to except for a few close friends. Mum lives in North Yorkshire and I live in Cambridge, so we have had to spend xmas apart, and she has got a lot worse in the last few weeks and now does not want to try any more treatment because she says she feels too ill, and none have worked so far. I'm an only child and a lone parent, so have absolutely no one to talk to, as I am only 22 so my friends have no concept of the stresses of parenthood, let alone losing a parent along side it, so I am feeling very very lost and alone. All I want is someone to talk to or just give me a hug, I'm fed up! I am going up to see her in two days and I'm petrified-apparently she is throwing up everywhere and is struggling to use a commode etc, which is not my mum at all-she's so private and so in control and together. Does anyone know how to cope with it?

i dont know how to cope with it nut hugs from me sweetheart xxx

sorry but not nut

Thank you you lovely-some clever person got me some gorgeous relaxy bath stuff so may go and use that in a bit

((((((hug)))))) from me, if it would help you at all. I have no experience but couldn't leave you shouting in the dark.

i did lose my dad when i was seventeen so i do know a little how scary that is

let yourself cry when you feel you could

I am sorry to hear this, it really is a burden for you.

And a {{{hug}}} from me too.

Don't forget she is still your Mum. She hasn't become someone else, but she may need something different from you.
My mum had cancer treatment a few years ago and to my surprise didn't want me to care for her in a practical way at all. She did want to talk to me though and we probably broached subjects we never would have done otherwise. I think you need to follow your mums lead and do all that she wants. I hope she finds the strength to continue her treatment and recovers well.

That must have been even worse-17 is such an emotional mess as it is. Thank you for the hug noo noo-I feel better for the rant and to know people will listen xx. I sat watching love actually last night and was crying my eyes out-it wasn't even sad but I guess I must have needed it! I just get on with things so all of mum's friends keep ringing me to offload, but then assume I'm fine so don't give me chance to offload back. Have contacted Leukemia care to see if I can run for them in the London marathon though-I can do something super positive that way and still deal with it in my own way-hope they say I can run [crossing fingers]

Mainly we just sit in her room and hold hands, or I give her a pep talk and make her laugh and puts her brave face away for a bit, but I miss her so much, I really miss her.

running sounds good and exercise is good for keeping your mood up so good luck with that

hey. i live in cambridgshire. i am 25, with 2 children. i am afraid i cant really give you any advice, but my father in law is just finishing his treatment for cancer. so if you want to meet for a coffee and chat let me know.

Oh my goodness.Well done for being ok.I dont think Id cope the way you seem to be.To be thinking of doing a run.To be able to be there for your mums friends to off load.To have the strenght to go visit and be there for your mum.To be able to sit down and go online and type the words you have typed.To be a mum.
Try and take each day as it comes I say.Keep to as much of a routine as possible in every area you can.
Sorry if not saying the right things.Im not experienced in this but keep smiling and god bless you.

hello sorry to hear that your Mum has leukaemia and sad to hear that you are feeling alone with it with everyone offloading onto you, you need to be able to offload somewhere and MN is great for that,
i have maybe some idea of how you are feeling as my DH has a brain tumour which cannot be cured, if you look in the health section on mumsnet there is a thread for support dealing with cancer. if you want to CAT me i will be able to talk to you more.
sending you a hug.
OJ

Thank you all so much, sorry I always come on here so late, but never seem to get an evening anymore-it's just daytime and night time! Am going to see mum tomorrow and am staying at her house for a week (but she has internet so have mn access, woo!), apparently she's got worse-relatives kept ringing this afternoon/evening to say that the nurses won't let them talk to her on the phone as she is too ill, but I spoke to her at lunchtime and she seems chirpy.
Phwoar, this week will be over soon (that sounds awful doesn't it, but I hate the hospital bit so much! I love seeing mum but it's so hard being strong when the doctors are telling you one thing and your mum wants to hear something else!)
You have all been so supportive, thank you, I never know what to say to people in situations like this so thank you xxx

Thank you you two-it must be awful losing both parents and a sister-this is really quite sick thinking but I'm doing a law degree at Cambridge, and one of my supervisors lost his fiance, then his dad the following year, and his mum the year after that, and I find it helps to think that if he can still think as brilliantly as he does with all those losses I can do this. I saw him on Christmas Eve in town and he asked why I wasn't at home, so I said I couldn't go back until the 28th. DD was asleep in the buggy, and all he said was "make it good for her" (he knows about mum as I got called up to Yorks before the end of term when she was really bad as they thought she was going that night, so I had to make my excuses and miss his supervision), so in a way I have loved this Christmas as I'm not alone, and so many people really are. Mum's still here, and knowing mum she'll pull through just so she can tell me how useless I am at hemming trousers and re-hem them for me or something!

MvT - I can't offer advice as I have never been in your situation - I am however near cambridge so if you ever need to vent over a coffee / glass of wine - let me know.

Thanks JJ, and a belated thanks to amyjo22, sorry I didn't say thank you earlier! I won a bottle of wine last week (gosh I was excited!) so have been quaffing that over the past 4 days! Ooh it's been spectacular! (I don't drink v often as I never buy wine, so the first glass sends me to sleep!). Term starts as soon as I get back, which can get in the way of meet ups, but be warned, I may take you up on it you two!!!

MN is definitely good for offloading, you might also find the Samaritans helpful (118118 or similar will give you the number) if you want to hear a voice - Samaritans are not just for suicidal people, they are good as you can just dump whatever is worrying you and not get given well-meant but annoying advice, you will get nothing but sympathy.,
Also try to make sure you eat well, sleep as much as you can and get some fresh air/exercise every day - and some time at least every day to do soemthing that is pure pleasure and self-indulgence. YOu need to take care of yourself when you are taking care of someone else. Best wishes.

So sorry to hear about your mums illness. It must be so difficult and it sounds like you a coping with a great deal. MN is great for offloading, but if you fancy talking to someone, as madamez suggests, the Samaritans number is 08457 90 90 90, it can help to just get it off your chest to a sympathetic stranger.

I am supporting someone at the moment (she is recently bereaved, not going through what our mum is) and people keep telling me to to fix my own oxygen mask before I help her with hers, I have found it to be good advice at times.

xx

mummyvontummy, good luck with the visit. I hope she is coping OK, and that you do too.