Am I doing the right thing?

[Britney]

I'm thinking of putting ds into nursery for 2 mornings a week to give myself a break & also so I can have some time to do things for me. Dd is already at a local authority nursery 5 mornings a week & I struggle to entertain ds while she is there. She will be going full time in March which will leave me with 5 whole days of ds on his own!! I love the little chap to bits, its just that sometimes I wish he wasn't around. He can be a real little s* at times - always into everything he shouldn't. He's also an awful hair puller. I'm secretly hoping that sending him to nursery will have a positive effect on his discipline.

But am I doing the right thing, handing over the care of my son to someone else just so I don't have to look after him some of the time?

I think it's an entirely personal choice. Some people can cope with their children full time more than others.

Personally. This is just my personal opinion. I'm not going to start one of "those" threads... but the only person who can properly instill discipline is you. He does live with you and even if they do make progress on his, no doubt completely normal, behaviour - you will need to continue the same thing at home, otherwise you will be no further forward.

Knowing how to entertain them, discipline them, etc can be very hard work indeed.

But if you need a little "self" time, I wouldn't hold it against you - esp. if it left you feeling better able to cope.

You don't say how old your DS is. My DS started going to family day care two days a week at 20months to give me a break and to enable me to start my own business. He is a quite little fella and hasn't presented me with any discipline issues yet - he is nearly 22 months, but going to day care has been great for his social skills and he loves it - runs up the path to the house etc and likes to show me what he has been playing with in the afternoon when I pick him up. Even if I hadn't started my own business I think that daycare was a good decision for both of us. It gives me a chance to get my hair cut, go to doctors appointments, do a proper shop, a bit of baking etc and DS is learning new stuff that he wouldn't learn alone with me all day. Having said that I do agree that if your DS has some behavioural issues it is up to you to deal with them at home and they are unlikely to improve as a result of going elsewhere for a few hours a week. HTH

He's 13 months old & the main problem I have with him is that he is the complete opposite to his sister! At this age I could quite happily leave her to play at a toddler group, whereas with him I have to watch him like a hawk in case he pulls anyones hair. It frustrates me that he doesn't understand that when his sister or another child cries when he pulls their hair that they are upset & that it's not funny! I guess I'm not quite up to the challenge of a different child.

All up to you of course and he would probably benefit from it himself. You will definetly benefit from it by having some time to yourself.
However, the reasoning behind it might not be ideal: get somebody else to 'sort out' some behaviour issues. He might well be the perfect little angel at nursery and still behave the same as he does now with you at home.
But I think you'll find that once you get more time to yourself (with the knowledge that the children are well looked after) you might be more relaxed about dealing with DS in difficult situations when he is testing boundaries with you. Assuming he's really young, that's all he's doing, he's certainly not being a bad child.
So all in all, you'd hopefully be more relaxed/rested etc and will happily handle DS for the rest of the week. That's probably all he needs: a calm and happy mummy.

hair pulling and biting etc is usually just a phase at that age - you have to be firm and make sure he knows it isn't allowed - then suddenly you will realise he doesn't do it any more. It is something they have to learn and it takes time (some longer than others).

It might be good for both of you - but don't do it so that someone else has to do all the hard bits - you will still have to fight those battles at home even if he is an angel at nursery - they play different sets of rules in different places.

Hi Britney. I put DD1 in a nursery for half a day a week a couple of months ago (she's 2.6) for exactly the opposite reasons to you. She was incredibly shy and would only play with children she had known since birth. I noticed, for instance, at soft play, she wouldn't play on the upper deck until every child had cleared it. Nursery has really done the trick. She absolutely adores it there, and she gets a change from me, and I get to spend that half a day with DD2. It may not solve your problem, but if he enjoys it as much as my DD does, it would be worth it just for that.

hi britney

my opinion is "quality not quantity" in respect of time with your children. as long as you all enjoy the time you all spend together, then thats what is important! maybe nursery will help, i thinkit will in respect of hair pulling, etc. the decision you make is not set in stone either, if you change your mind or circumstances change etc, you can always take ds back out of nursery! dont get upset or miserable about it, nothing is worth that. you have to look after yourself to look after your children. at the risk of repeating myself, give it a go and see how it works out, you can always change it! good luck

god, that post sounded crap but i hope i make sense xxx

I have a parenting video that includes this advice from one Mum of three. She says that what she has now she's bringing up her third child is the benefit of knowing that whatever phase her daughter is going through, will soon be over and then she'll be on to another phase. I often remember this - and her rather exasperated expression when she points out that there'll be another phase soon! I'm sure she's right - I often reach the lowest point with my boys (1 and 3) shortly before they stop doing whatever it is that's getting me down. Even if they sometimes start doing it again after a spell.
I do hope you feel OK about your decision and that you both benefit from it.