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Original poster

Question to all SAHM's: How much money per month do you spend just on yourself?

41 replies

emkana · 15/11/2004 16:31

There's this unbelievable article in the Daily Mail today (I know, I know, read it a in laws' house) by this former solicitor woman who gave up work to be a SAHM and whinges how difficult it is to be financially dependent. She then says that her husband gives her a personal "allowance" of £ 400 !!!!!!!! month to spend on cappuccinos, clothes, parking, baby music class, things like that, while he pays the mortgage, all the bills etc. and she has a credit card for "essential household spending" like food.
I'm gobsmacked by this woman! I am a SAHM, my dh pays mortgage and bills, whereas I have about £ 600 a month which I use for food and childrens' stuff - and for myself, if there's any money left, which there usually isn't!
I'm very

OP posts:
MistressMary · 15/11/2004 16:35

The only thing I spend on for myself is my reflexology and my hair do.
The rest is baby food, nappies etc and then the food on our table.

fio2 · 15/11/2004 16:38

personal allowance ...pah!

why does her husband give it her anyway? i just take money out the account

Original poster
emkana · 15/11/2004 16:40

Apparently the husband didn't agree to a joint account because he was worried she would spend it all on clothes!
How patronizing is that?
We don't have a joint account either, but not because my dh wouldn't have it, just because it turned out that way.

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 16:43

Me too fio2.

All our money, regardless of source, goes into one account out of which come all our bills and anything dh or I care to spend it on. We don't ask permission of each other though because we are making a concerted effort to reduce the mortgage we discuss whether we can afford to buy x or y sometimes.

I don't get 'an allowance' - I think that's insulting. Just because SAHMs don't get paid for it doesn't make the role within the family less valuable.

Plus at one time I was the higher earner, now dh is...we are married so just lump it all together regardless.

tammybear · 15/11/2004 16:46

Complaining at £400?? Is she mad? Im lucky if I have £40 to spend!!! and that usually goes on to dd. Some people just dont realise how lucky they have it.

beansmum · 15/11/2004 16:48

I have £400 a month to spend on everything, food, nappies, bills, bus fares. She's has nothing to whinge about!!

jellybabe83 · 15/11/2004 16:51

I have whatever we get in benefits,which isn't much... but then most of that I pay my credit card bills, and phone bill... I end up with about £50 a month for myself, which I normally end up spending on Ben anyway....! I have just started working for Bodyshop at Home though, so hopefully I'll get a bit of extra spending money that way.....!

bonkerz · 15/11/2004 16:52

my dh pays all the bills from his account and whats left is his. he does buy one shop a month (BIG SHOP)
I SAH but am a childminder and all my wages go on the kids and food. I spend about £50 per month on myself (clothes or shoes or going out)

Tommy · 15/11/2004 17:05

I take out £30 a week from my own account and use it for everything I need cash for - newspaper, extra milk and food if we run out, play group, swimming etc. Also if I go out to pub or whatever - not that it happens very often. The next week I take it out of our joint account - I figure that it probably works out more or less even. All bills and food, clothes etc are on joint credit card. As for spending on me...well I did buy 2 tops in Asda last week (very expensive as you can imagine)but mostly I don't spend very much at all.

Furball · 15/11/2004 17:06

Just on myself a month = £27 hair, with it going up to £57 every third month for colours and £10 per month having my eyelashs tinted. Clothes, I'd estimate about £25 on average.

Twiglett · 15/11/2004 17:11

I have absolutely no idea .. I don't know what I'd count as spending on me really as my life is so integrated with the children .. so when we go to the cafe does my cappucino get separated off from his juice?

If we're talking about me going out on my own .. that'll be £20 .. in 2 years

DH's salary goes in our joint account and I manage it and take out what I want .. WTF allowance

Twiglett · 15/11/2004 17:12

gobbledigook is also living my life

Frizbe · 15/11/2004 17:19

On myself? urm £8 a week on Akido, and maybe the hairdressers once every 3 mths, or whenever my roots get too bad! I use whatever we have left after bills to feed, nappy, cloth us and then go out and blow the overdraft on, wait for it, yep you guessed it, a coffee morning (3 quid max!!)

tex111 · 15/11/2004 17:21

We have a joint account and we have separate cash accounts so that we each have £100 fun money a month to spend on whatever we like. Mine is usually spent on nice lunches out, spa treatments or things that are unneccesary like yet another pair of boots. DH spends his on rugby matches, his gym membership (I refused to pay it from our joint account because he NEVER goes) and unecesary things like £15 Paul Smith socks. It works for us because we can be really extravagant with that money and not feel any guilt about it.

ladymuck · 15/11/2004 17:22

We also have a joint account into which all income goes. Basically Dh and I agree his hobby spending money at the start of each year and I get to spend the rest!

If I needed a personal allowance to cover everything other than food and bills, then I'm afraid that it would cost more than £400 per month. But in terms of what we each spend on "doing our own thing", dh and I each probably spend similar amounts.

MarsLady · 15/11/2004 17:55

£400 . How lovely to imagine spending that on me only. In January I go shopping with a friend and only shop for myself. Christmas money really comes in handy. I spend £15 a week on myself, because I decided that I needed something that was for me only. I have lunch with friends. The children take up so much money that to be honest I'm lucky that I have the £15. My dh does all the bills etc. and when I was working (as a childminder) I sorted out the kids bits. With the twins I can't work at the moment and so dh pays for pretty much everything. All our money is pooled, though we don't have a joint account. Am just imagining having £400 to myself. Guess that won't happen until all the kids have left home. Only about 18 years (min) to go then lol

oxocube · 15/11/2004 17:57

Completely agree with Twiglett on this one. I have no idea how much I spend on 'me' or indeed how you would define 'personal spending'. If I buy a vase or a bunch of flowers or a plant for the garden, is this 'personal' spending or from the household budget? Think to have 400 a month just for lunches out, coffees, hairdressers etc is an awful lot. Also DH would not dream of giving me an allowance. We have a joint a/c and I know he considers it as much my money as his even though I am a SAHM.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:32

Twiglett - I do!! And oxocube!

Like you Twiglett, I manage the finances even though income is largely dh's (I do contribute because I work freelance but it wouldn't change even if I didn't).

Like you, because I'm a SAHM, I'd find it hard to separate 'me money' from family money - like having tea in the club after swimming, me and ds's have that so do I separate my 'meal out' from theirs?

I spend whatever I need to on myself but it's not split out - if I need make up I buy it, if I've got a girls night out or cinema trip I just go. It all comes out of one account so how much is spent on me, vs family, vs dh is just not analysed.

Twiglett · 15/11/2004 18:36

I actually find it quite sad that people can work it out ... its an indication to me, that there may be a power struggle going on in the relationship .. its difficult enough being a SAHM with no 'social position' without it being reinforced through money I would imagine

wilbur · 15/11/2004 18:41

It varies so much, I couldn't tell, but certainly not £400 a month. As I do earn some money, then I cover most of my own expenses anyway, plus some of the household bills. 2 or 3 times a year I will go out and buy a bunch of clothes on dh's discount card, but then I won't buy a stitch more for months on end. I do think it is hard though, when you are used to earning, to suddenly have to go cap in hand to a dh or dp. A lot of men are very bad at understanding how women feel about this and need to be enlightened. Let's steal all their money and run away!

jellybabe83 · 15/11/2004 18:41

The only reason some of us know how much we have each month I think, is because we have to keep track of it. If I spent over the £50 I have, then we'd be buggered, cos there wouldn't be enough to pay bills and stuff.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 18:46

I can see that jellybabe.

Don't get me wrong, I watch the money - I keep a track of what's going on the credit card (we clear it every month) and slow spending down if it's getting a bit high early in the month.

I don't separate out what was spent on me vs dh vs family though. I could, but I don't because it's not relevant.

morningpaper · 15/11/2004 19:03

Me and DH put everything into a joint account and both have 'allowances' of £300 per month, from which goes everything we spend in cash and anything we buy for ourselves. Everything else goes on household stuff and our big fat mortgage.

This sounds like a lot but it's easy to spend... To be honest, I eat out with DD a LOT, maybe lunch three times a week, at maybe 8 quid a shot, so that's over £100 per month. Toddler groups are about £20 a month. The rest goes on cash spends like bread (each a loaf a day from the baker on the corner, so that's £35 a month!).
Clothes for me I buy off Ebay or charity shops but that's probably £20 a month. I never seem to have enough left over for haircuts so I do that about once a year, usually before Christmas - they are SUCH a ripoff! Birthday presents also come out of our allowances.

Branster · 15/11/2004 19:07

I haven't read the article but what I don't understand is, why do people get angry with this woman who has the £400 allowance/month?! What exactly is the problem here? Their money, they can spend it however they want. OK, so presumably this couple is on a high earning compared to most of us, but it's nothing uncommon. I couldn't care less about them or anyoneelse's spending. As long as it doesn't cost me anything! As for the fact that she's whingeing about how'little' money she is allowed, don't we all whinge about one thing or another which doesn't interest anybodyelse?
BTW, I don't spend £400/month on myself (I wish!) and never really think of 'myself' in the budget. It's all of us together (dog included!) and if there is something extra to buy (i.e. pay for a holiday, expensive toy etc) DH pays for it from his account. What money I manage to make myself does get spent on clothes for DD or me or some special foodstuff, just treats really.
Going to count the pennies in my purse now.....

MarsLady · 15/11/2004 19:14

I'm with Jellybabe. It's not about a power struggle, just knowing what's coming in and what's going out. I could work it out because the question made me think about it. When I think about the money that we spend, I don't usually put it into a his/hers/theirs category. I just think x comes in and no more than x can go out.