The time your children spent with their grandparents...

[emkana]

... do you have any say in how this time is spent? Do you feel you should have a say? Whenever dd1 and dd2 are at their grandparents (dh's parents) they are allowed to watch quite a bit of TV - esp. dd1 (3 and a half), dd2 isn't that interested yet. They also play, but not as much as I would like them to. Dh thinks it's the grandparents' prerogative to spoil their grandchildren, and as long as it's not really harmful to them, who cares... the dd's adore to go there and are worshipped by their grandparents. They spend 2 to 3 afternoons a week there. In my more relaxed moments I agree with dh, but sometimes I get really uptight about this. Dh's parents know that I don't let the dd's watch a lot of TV, but I've never explicitly said anything about it. The other issue is food - MIL does give the dd's quite healthy home-cooked dinners, but also a lot more chocolate etc. than I agree with. So is it the grandparents' prerogative? What do you MN'ers think?

Thinking about it - maybe you could say that dd1 is getting very whingey and pushy about watching TV all the time at home, and also getting to be a pain about chocolate etc. Ask your MIL to help you "nip it in the bud" by limiting to say 1/2 hour TV of favourite programs, and only x amount of chocolate ?

That way she feels like she is helping you solve a problem, rather than that she is the problem.

Good idea throckenholt, I might do that...
still interested in other opinions!

Definitely depends on how often you see them - ds and dd only see grandparents on either side about every 2 or 3 months, so if they want to spoil them, then great. It's a long time between visits! But if they were there 2 or 3 days a week, then I perhaps would want to crack down on the TV and chocolate.

I AGREE WITH THROCKEN HOLT
ACT AS iF YOU HAEV NO IDEA HOW TO SOLVET HE PROBLEM
pilS LOVE TO ADVISE

oops

I like throckenholt's idea.
Always good to make them believe it was their idea.

My dd sees my mam for one afternoon a week, usually for about 3 hours. She goes shopping, gets bought treats and eats crap. I don't mind at all as it's one afternoon but can see your point with 3!

Thanks sobernow, that's exactly the kind of answer I was hoping for...
very much appreciate other opinions, too, though!

I'm a grandparent - I see dgs (3) every lunchtime as I work only 5 mins a way in that hour I usually play on the floor for a little bit (bloody trains ) or read - they're really into their books - have a cuppa and a bit of a chat with dd - if we can get a word in edgeways. Usually see them over the weekend as well as I live close by. I'd say let them spoil their grandchildren as long as its not over the top. I do listen to what dd says but if I give them chocolate its usually those little mini boxes of Smartees or Buttons so its not exactly overload. its nice as a grandparent to spoil a bit - we did all the sensible stuff the first time around !

IMO it's the whole point of grandparents - to give you all those things you aren't allowed at home

Many a Saturday I spent at my Nanas (Dad's mum) and stayed up to watch Dempsy and Makepeace (not allowed at home) and ate loads of sweets! My cousins used to stay too and we used to sit up late round the kitchen table with hot chocolate and choc biscuits chatting to my Nana - she used to tell us about going dancing during the war...

She also used to buy me things Mum wouldn't get - when peddle-pushers were in my Mum wouldn't let me have them so Nana got them! And a ra-ra skirt!!

I can see how my mother might have been really cheesed off but it didn't do me any lasting damage and I LOVED IT!!!