Hug Etiquette

[JaffaCake70]

Hi all

To give you a bit of background: I have been with my DP for just over a year, I have met the family members that I will refer to here only once before this occasion.

I was invited to the birthday celebration of one of my DP's relatives over the weekend, it was a lovely occasion, DP's family are lovely, welcoming, friendly people.

As I was about to leave the party, two members of DP's family went in for hugs, which I reciprocated. The next person stood closest to me as I was leaving was the Sister of one of the family members that had hugged me, so I opened my arms to hug her. My gesture was met with a look of suprise/horror, the ensuing hug was one of utter awkwardness as this person stood ramrod straight and I kind of put my arms around her upper arms and patted her :-/ Majorly awkward.

My question is: Where do the Mumsnetters stand on the trend in recent years for hugging everyone?

Firstly, I know Covid is still a thing and we probably shouldn't be hugging people so freely, but putting that aside, I'm interested to know what the accepted social etiquette is and where you all stand with it?

I personally do not feel comfortable hugging as freely as I have been doing in recent years, and after thinking about it over the weekend I've realised that I only do it because it's what a lot of people seem to expect these days.

I'm a child of the 70's and was not brought up in a huggy/kissy society. Even my own parents were not given to frequent displays of affection towards myself, my Brother and my Sister. My Dad would kiss us on the cheek on Christmas Day if we were lucky!

I've noticed in recent years that even in work people are given to hugging each other, don't get me wrong, I'll give someone a hug if they're upset over something but I just don't see the need for these pda's all the time.

I felt really daft after my failed hug attempt at the weekend, but I completely understand the reason for the rebuff. It's got me to thinking that I'm not going to offer hugs as a general rule in future, I'll hug my own family, Mum, Sister, Sons etc, but aside from that I think I'm about to become a hug free zone.

What do you all think?

I mean if you open your arms and someone reacts with a look of ‘horror’ then generally you shouldn’t proceed to hug them anyway.

I tend to play it safe until I know if someone is a hugger or not.

@Kanaloa

I mean if you open your arms and someone reacts with a look of ‘horror’ then generally you shouldn’t proceed to hug them anyway.

I tend to play it safe until I know if someone is a hugger or not.

I understand what you're saying, but I think it would have been even more awkward to put my open arms back down by my sides..... I didn't hug her anyway in the end, it was more of an arm pat....

I understand what you're saying, but I think it would have been even more awkward to put my open arms back down by my sides

Awkward for you. You should have taken her cue to not touch her.

I hate hugging. When people insist on hugging me (looking at you MIL), it feels like a boa constrictor is wrapping itself around me and I hate it. I hug my children and my DH.

I’m of the opinion that the person who doesn’t want to be hugged trumps the person who wants the hug. People have no rights to touch another person if their touch us unwanted (dangerous situations aside).

Not sure of the accepted etiquette but I wouldn’t particularly want to hug/kiss someone I didn’t know well. I wouldn’t rebuff, but wouldn’t initiate. Have enjoyed hugging friends again (if they want to!) since the relaxation of the Covid restriction and I try to make it warm and genuine where it happens.

I'm not an active hugger. I know which people in my extended family/other circles are huggers and I am happy to reciprocate if they come for me.

Will not be offering any to strangers, or those who are not on my hugging radar. If in doubt, I do not hug.

I have no idea if this helped answer the question or not, but I quite enjoyed writing it .

@Bogeyes

Hugging? No thanks. Please don't invade my space

This

Especially with Covid

Yuck 🤮

The only good thing about covid was that this stopped.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

I understand what you're saying, but I think it would have been even more awkward to put my open arms back down by my sides

Awkward for you. You should have taken her cue to not touch her.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Ahh well, never mind, you live and learn don't you 😉

I have never been a hugger, a double kisser and I glare at people and take a step back if they try and touch me while talking/telling a story etc.

I've always hated it and am grateful for Covid which has made it acceptable to say no. Likewise hand shaking.