Nieces/nephews Christmas and birthday - getting too much

[beansprout55]

I'd appreciate advice here, I hope I don't sound too unreasonable but your honest opinions will be taken on board.

I'm a bit of a weakling, push-over, no voice kind of gal so it's hard for me to speak up on such matters to anyone but my DH.

So, I've been with DH for 3 years and when we met his financial circumstances changed - we do OK but things are VERY tight. He has 4 nieces and nephews to which we spend about £15 each for birthdays and Christmas, also we don't live in the UK anymore, so postage on top of that means we spend roughly £200 a year on these 4 beautiful humans, which isn't too bad.

The problem is, I'm getting quite resentful towards his sister. We have no children (I'm pregnant now though!) and siblings don't do presents, and the sister told MIL 2 years ago that she thinks they should stop giving presents to us grown ups - just the kids now (at which point she had 4 and we had none).

I'm feeling like I wish I had the balls to say something. I don't think it's right she made that decision that DH should get nothing and only her kids should get Christmas presents now.

In my family I have 8 nieces and nephews, my sisters said hey look there's loads of kids and it's a bit ridiculous - let's not do gifts at Christmas and have cap on birthdays - they also at least offered and said to me you don't have kids so please don't feel you have to buy for all of ours as there's so many!

Am I wrong to be annoyed at these expectations? 2 years ago we went through a trauma and didn't buy Christmas gifts for anyone and it was raised we didn't buy for her kids. Maybe I'm being silly. I do know I'm
Emotional today as 7 weeks and have spotting so I'm terrified and hypersensitive and probably shouldn't be thinking about how much Christmas is going to cost me.

Sorry for the rant - but advice needed. Please remember I'm a nervous person so confrontation is hard for me. Thanks x

I would just stop. or send vouchers so you can save on the postage and just reduce how much you spend. if money is very tight you'll want it for your own DC anyway. if you visit then you could could something for them instead, but not fir specifically birthday or Christmas, just a little gift.

We have a difficult relationship with my partners family but they still buy us gifts worth loads each year, and not just DH but me too. I used to buy them stuff too but I just stopped. I dont do birthday and christmas gifts anymore for them. they don't like me so it's all a bit fake anyway. I know its different in your situation but you aren't under any obligation to get anyone anything.

When we just did kids presents we did give to those with no children as otherwise its not very fair. Could you send money online instead and limit to £10 each?

Genuinely scared of being bitched about for not being thoughtful. DH had a birthday and I ordered him a cake (I work long hours nursing) and they all seemed really shocked I didn't make it on zoom. I was so embarrassed. They're a very thoughtful and creative family, with personal gifts and notes etc .... although seems ironic now 😂 so vouchers will unlikely go down well.

I just can't believe his sister doesn't see how it's unfair how much we fork out for her kids and get nothing in return from her - why doesn't she say something? I kind of want to say we won't be doing Christmas presents. They will all get so much rubbish from Santa and grandparents too anyway right?! Is that really bitchy? 😕

Oh, as I'm fairly 'new' I'm scared of them all thinking any change is caused by me!! Which it kind of is!! 😳

Just stop.
Its never even. The first sibling's children get the gifts from childless aunt or uncle. When the next sibling has children everyone decides that now they all have children they can't afford to buy for each other kids.

Just stop.
You'll be spending that extra £200 on your own family.
It's hard as either way someone misses out so just nip it in the bud now