Upsetting report from nursery

[Trifle]

DS2 (age 3) goes to nursery and has been for quite some time. He never wants to go although when I collect him he always seems to have had a good time. At home with familiar people or in small groups he is the life and soul of the party, always joking, acting the clown and is extremely funny, more the stand-up comedian. However, at nursery he barely speaks and is very quiet and I asked the nursery staff today whether they ever see the joking funny side of him and they said never. I feel deeply upset that he comes across as lacking in confidence, a quiet child that doesnt mix very well when I know him to be different. I feel it is very sad that he will go on to the school (same premises) with a character reference that doesnt truly reflect the funny guy that he is. I dont feel that withdrawing him from nursery will help as it will isolate him and being a July birthday he will be one of the youngest in the school and I can see him struggling to actually be noticed whereas at home you cannot help but notice him as he's so bloody funny. His problem is that he hates crowds and excessive noise and dont know how to go about increasing his confidence and letting his true character come out.

He sounds very similar to my dd who is now 3.6. She rules the roost at home and loves trying to make us laugh (and funnily enough she hates excessive noise). She used to be very very shy at nursery and to a certain extent still is as she is attracted to strong characters who boss her around! But she has become more confident over the past 2 months or so, as the nursery said she would - some kids just take longer to bloom and they are so young yet. There's still plenty of time for him to become more confident in such environments but maybe part of it is just accepting that it is one of his personality traits - be happy that he will probably not become of those rough pushy/bully types, who are often more bluster than substance who will be popular anyway cos anyone who can make you laugh is always a winner!

Dd (also 3)sounds very similar to your son. She didn't speak at all when she first went to nursery in August, and still is very quiet - more of a watcher that a joiner-in. I think they find it hard to believe that she is so chatty at home that even her big brother sometimes finds it hard to get a word in.
Like with your son I think she doesn't like groups of people.

How long had your ds been at nursery? He might gradually become more confident. With my ds (now 5) he was fairly shy and quiet and didn't really have any proper friends when he was 3, but when he was 4 his social side really came through and he would rather be with his friends than me! So maybe it is an age thing as well.

Sorry if I have waffled...your son sounds wonderful BTW

nursery told me my son (the samye age) was 'dreamy!!! and asked whether he was the same at home....errr NO!! he never shut up or sits still

I think it is just a confidence issue. he is still only young and his confidence will grow as he does. try not to worry too much

Hi your son sounds lovely, it is perfectly natural for him not to act in the same way at nursery to how he is at home. Similarly my twins can be hilarious but I can't ever imagine that they would get up and act that way in front of their teachers. What is nice is that your son will probably be well liked he doesn't need to be really outgoing to amke friends, at open evening i was told by my twins teacher that although they don't instigate friendships they happily play with many children and are confident in doing so. I am happy with this and am sure they will continue to grow as little people x