Unable to keep friendships

[Careermummy]

Hi. lately I've been feeling quite lonely in regards to friends. I am 38 years old and have realised I've gone through my whole life unable to keep the friendships I've gained along the way. This totals quite a lot of people. Ive not fallen out with these people, I could be wrong but my impressions have always been when I stopped making all the effort, we simply stopped talking. Ive recently tried to regain some of these friendships and the same happened again. I see on social media, some of the friendship groups I was in are still together. I can only conclude there must be something about me people don't like, but Ironically I am not close enough to anyone to ask. Has anyone else been in this position? Is there anyway I can make friendships and keep them? Any advice would be gratefully received.

All I can say is that maintaining friendships - particularly as an adult, where you don’t see people all the time- takes a lot of effort, although you do have to let one way communication drop after a while. You’ve obviously made friends along the way, What happens when you reach out to these people?

@UnsuitableHat

All I can say is that maintaining friendships - particularly as an adult, where you don’t see people all the time- takes a lot of effort, although you do have to let one way communication drop after a while. You’ve obviously made friends along the way, What happens when you reach out to these people?

Anyone I contact from my past is always nice to me. However it's the same story of I never hear from them first etc

I have been feeling the same lately. It’s all good when I am making the effort, but as soon as I stop, no one makes the effort back/first. It’s as if I am some after thought?! I realised this has pretty much happened my whole life. So I totally empathise- but not sure how to fix it.

@PeonyRose80

I have been feeling the same lately. It’s all good when I am making the effort, but as soon as I stop, no one makes the effort back/first. It’s as if I am some after thought?! I realised this has pretty much happened my whole life. So I totally empathise- but not sure how to fix it.

Sorry to hear you're in the same situation... an after thought is the perfect way to describe it.

Where did u meet these friends ? What did you used to do as friends and how often?

Same here I can relate, after a lot of soul searching I think I'm quite self aware to know I can be a massive pain in the ass sometimes and I know I'm definitely not everyone's cup of tea based on my personality so I figure it must be this but at the end of the day I look at it from the other side would I actually want to be involved in those groups, for example at an old job everyone was very pally and got on great but I didn't really fit in then I really looked at how everyone acted and it really was all based on gossip, nastiness, cliques of bitchyness and I'm just not like that I kind of say things as they are to people and move on so I'm never going to fit into that... and to be honest wouldn't want the drama. There are lots of groups you can join for shared interest have you ever looked into those? I like running and found when I joined a local running club I got on well with people within those as you shared an interest?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Where did u meet these friends ? What did you used to do as friends and how often?

Mainly from my clubbing days and through other friends.. those days are gone though. With covid I wfh full time now so don't get out much (I sound like an old lady but am not)x

@penguinparty00

Same here I can relate, after a lot of soul searching I think I'm quite self aware to know I can be a massive pain in the ass sometimes and I know I'm definitely not everyone's cup of tea based on my personality so I figure it must be this but at the end of the day I look at it from the other side would I actually want to be involved in those groups, for example at an old job everyone was very pally and got on great but I didn't really fit in then I really looked at how everyone acted and it really was all based on gossip, nastiness, cliques of bitchyness and I'm just not like that I kind of say things as they are to people and move on so I'm never going to fit into that... and to be honest wouldn't want the drama. There are lots of groups you can join for shared interest have you ever looked into those? I like running and found when I joined a local running club I got on well with people within those as you shared an interest?

This is great advice... thank you! I'm into running myself so may do that. I think this conversation is making me realise that despite who makes the effort there is now the added aspect that we're all different people now and may no longer share the same interests either. You sound similar to me. I say it how it is. Not to be nasty, I just like to say it how it is and move on.